{"id":3741,"date":"2019-11-14T12:34:25","date_gmt":"2019-11-14T05:34:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=3741"},"modified":"2021-02-13T13:02:54","modified_gmt":"2021-02-13T19:02:54","slug":"how-to-get-your-dick-out-of-the-revolving-door-of-the-reg","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2019\/11\/14\/how-to-get-your-dick-out-of-the-revolving-door-of-the-reg\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Get Your Dick out of the Revolving Door of the Reg"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019re anything like me, you\u2019ve probably had a few sleepless nights in this bad boy.<\/span><\/p>\n

And if you\u2019re anything like me, you\u2019ve probably gotten your dick stuck in the revolving door more times than you\u2019d like to admit to your academic advisor when she asks what you\u2019ve been up to this quarter.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Stick around if you want to learn how to get that puppy out of the doghouse.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

    \n
  1. The Capitalist\u2019s approach: The Invisible Hand<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    You\u2019re a city guy and time is money. When you\u2019re not wearing pastel colored button up shirts, you\u2019re wearing pastel colored shorts. You\u2019ve got to network tonight in order to fulfil your social quota, but with door\u2019s chompers on your romper, the invisible hand won\u2019t be pushing you anywhere. The perfect solution for you is a 55 gallon barrel of water-based lube, $1570.88 on Amazon, hand pump included. Not only are you getting enough lube to slide your lil\u2019 friedman out, but you\u2019re gonna have enough left over to help ease your family friction, dads are the worst am I right!<\/span><\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

      \n
    1. The IOP Method<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      You are David Axelrod, and you\u2019ve just asked the door if you\u2019ve told it your story about being Obama\u2019s adviser. The door\u2019s heard the story before, but it thinks maybe it\u2019ll be fun to hear it again. Once it realizes you\u2019re telling the exact same, rehearsed story, it\u2019ll slowly start to leave to get the free food at your event, setting you and your Axe-File free.<\/span><\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n

        \n
      1. The Quick and Easy<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        This strategy effective, but not without consequence. First, clear all thoughts from your brain (this should not take long). Then, repeat this phrase three times: \u201c<\/span>I am a sexless, sexless flesh cylinder\u201d<\/span><\/i>. Wait a few moments for this spell to take effect, but once it does your body will transform into a smooth tube of skin with no defining features whatsoever. You and your new body will slide free from the door, exiting the Reg as you once exited the womb.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

         <\/p>\n

          \n
        1. Use Cheat Codes<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          Down, down, left, up, down, right, right, up, shimmy, twist, pull. If that doesn\u2019t work, you might have some luck with binary. Most people don\u2019t know that revolving doors used to be on a binary code system, so if you\u2019re in a pinch (literally), use the following command to see if the Reg doors are still running on God\u2019s 1\u2019s and 0\u2019s:<\/span><\/p>\n

          00011010001000 00100010111000101111 1111111111111011 00000000000000000101100 1101<\/span><\/p>\n

          Translation: Please open, I am big stuck<\/span><\/p>\n

           <\/p>\n

            \n
          1. Accept your position<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            This one won\u2019t get you out of the door, no your dick is still definitely in there, but at least you\u2019re okay with it. You\u2019d be the guy who <\/span>wants<\/span><\/i> to get his dick stuck in the revolving door, and that might be better than being the guy who <\/span>accidentally<\/span><\/i> keeps getting it stuck in there. This one\u2019s for the betas out there.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

            If you\u2019re anything like me, you\u2019ve probably had a few sleepless nights in this bad boy. And if you\u2019re anything like me, you\u2019ve probably gotten your dick stuck in the revolving door more times than you\u2019d like to admit to your academic advisor when she asks what you\u2019ve been up to this quarter.   Stick around if you want to learn how to get that puppy out of the doghouse.   The Capitalist\u2019s approach: The Invisible Hand You\u2019re a city guy and time is money. When you\u2019re not wearing pastel colored button up shirts, you\u2019re wearing pastel colored shorts. You\u2019ve got to network tonight in order to fulfil your social quota, but with door\u2019s chompers on your romper, the invisible hand won\u2019t be pushing you anywhere. The perfect solution for you is a 55 gallon barrel of water-based lube, $1570.88 on Amazon, hand pump included. Not only are you getting enough lube to slide your lil\u2019 friedman out, but you\u2019re gonna have enough left over to help ease your family friction, dads are the worst am I right!   The IOP Method You are David Axelrod, and you\u2019ve just asked the door if you\u2019ve told it your story about being Obama\u2019s adviser. The door\u2019s heard the story before, but it thinks maybe it\u2019ll be fun to hear it again. Once it realizes you\u2019re telling the exact same, rehearsed story, it\u2019ll slowly start to leave to get the free food at your event, setting you and your Axe-File free.   The Quick and Easy This strategy effective, but not without consequence. First, clear all thoughts from your brain (this should not take long). Then, repeat this phrase three times: \u201cI am a sexless, sexless flesh cylinder\u201d. Wait a few moments for this spell to take effect, but once it does your body will transform into a smooth tube of skin with no defining features whatsoever. You and your new body will slide free from the door, exiting the Reg as you once exited the womb.\u00a0   Use Cheat Codes Down, down, left, up, down, right, right, up, shimmy, twist, pull. If that doesn\u2019t work, you might have some luck with binary. Most people don\u2019t know that revolving doors used to be on a binary code system, so if you\u2019re in a pinch (literally), use the following command to see if the Reg doors are still running on God\u2019s 1\u2019s and 0\u2019s: 00011010001000 00100010111000101111 1111111111111011 00000000000000000101100 1101 Translation: Please open, I am big stuck   Accept your position This one won\u2019t get you out of the door, no your dick is still definitely in there, but at least you\u2019re okay with it. You\u2019d be the guy who wants to get his dick stuck in the revolving door, and that might be better than being the guy who accidentally keeps getting it stuck in there. This one\u2019s for the betas out there.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":74,"featured_media":3742,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3741","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3741","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/74"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3741"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3741\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3742"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3741"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3741"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3741"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}