{"id":3730,"date":"2019-11-06T08:54:41","date_gmt":"2019-11-06T01:54:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=3730"},"modified":"2019-11-06T12:03:01","modified_gmt":"2019-11-06T05:03:01","slug":"mayor-pete-visits-iop-gets-mistaken-for-first-year","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2019\/11\/06\/mayor-pete-visits-iop-gets-mistaken-for-first-year\/","title":{"rendered":"Mayor Pete Visits IOP, Gets Mistaken for First Year"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cCan I help you with something?\u201d asks a concerned staff member as someone resembling a small but well-dressed first year opens the doors to the IOP. \u201cActually,\u201d the mysterious person replies, \u201cYou can. I\u2019d like to relocate the spirit of America and bring it back to Washington.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

While annoying, this was a pretty standard response from any first-year who used to be class president, so the staff member thought nothing of it and went back to work. \u201cDo you want to maybe, like, take a picture with me? I might be president one day, you know.\u201d At this point, the IOP staffer was getting annoyed. She had missed her morning coffee and did not want to deal with this person who looked like a slightly watered-down Tracey Flick. She informed him that once he was old enough to vote and tall enough to get on every ride at Six Flags, she\u2019d reconsider the photo-op.<\/span><\/p>\n

With that, a confused and understandably hurt Pete Buttigieg turned away. What was he doing wrong, he wondered? Why didn\u2019t people recognize him? As far as he could tell, he was doing everything right. In his effort to appeal to every voter, he had established literally no platform. What was he missing? At that point, his thoughts were interrupted as a visibly distressed student wearing a backpack twice the size of his body bumped into him.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, can you help me?\u201d the boy asked breathlessly. \u201cWhy, yes,\u201d said Mayor Pete instantly regaining his composure \u201cI believe I can. You see,\u201d he continued \u201cWhether you\u2019d prefer your help to come from inefficient bureaucratic agencies or Satanic corporate entities, there is a place for you in my America.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOk\u2026 that\u2019s cool, but I\u2019m kind of just having trouble finding my way around. It\u2019s only my third week here and I\u2019m kind of lost,\u201d the kid replied.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAh, yes,\u201d said Mayor Pete wistfully. \u201cI myself have been told by many faith-based voters that I am lost or straying from God\u2019s path because of my sexuality. When people think you\u2019re lost, and you yourself start believing it, you must remember that God loves all of his children.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, man, that\u2019s cool and all, but I\u2019m running late, so I\u2019m gonna head out now.\u201d And with that Mayor Pete was left alone again to contemplate his anonymity and youthful appearance. He had thought that being 37 and having no experience in national politics could only benefit him, but now he wasn\u2019t so sure. It didn\u2019t help that he was already feeling insecure about how someone tweeted a pic of his face next to Judy Hopps from Zootopia while commenting on his poor record on police brutality. He wasn\u2019t sure which was worse – police brutality or the fact that his husband Chasten had conceded that there was some resemblance.<\/span><\/p>\n

Suddenly a voice from behind him asked, \u201cso how are you enjoying your first three weeks at the college?\u201d Mayor Pete turned around to stare right into the face of David Axelrod, who immediately apologized and said, \u201cah, Mayor Pete! I\u2019m so sorry! Let me get you up to the stage!\u201d At that point, Mayor Pete was so happy to be recognized – as most people from South Bend, Indiana are in the rare instance that they are recognized outside of South Bend, Indiana \u2014 that he couldn\u2019t even be offended. And with that, Mayor Pete was warmly welcomed to the University of Chicago\u2019s prestigious Institute of Politics.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cCan I help you with something?\u201d asks a concerned staff member as someone resembling a small but well-dressed first year opens the doors to the IOP. \u201cActually,\u201d the mysterious person replies, \u201cYou can. I\u2019d like to relocate the spirit of America and bring it back to Washington.\u201d While annoying, this was a pretty standard response from any first-year who used to be class president, so the staff member thought nothing of it and went back to work. \u201cDo you want to maybe, like, take a picture with me? I might be president one day, you know.\u201d At this point, the IOP staffer was getting annoyed. She had missed her morning coffee and did not want to deal with this person who looked like a slightly watered-down Tracey Flick. She informed him that once he was old enough to vote and tall enough to get on every ride at Six Flags, she\u2019d reconsider the photo-op. With that, a confused and understandably hurt Pete Buttigieg turned away. What was he doing wrong, he wondered? Why didn\u2019t people recognize him? As far as he could tell, he was doing everything right. In his effort to appeal to every voter, he had established literally no platform. What was he missing? At that point, his thoughts were interrupted as a visibly distressed student wearing a backpack twice the size of his body bumped into him.\u00a0 \u201cHey, can you help me?\u201d the boy asked breathlessly. \u201cWhy, yes,\u201d said Mayor Pete instantly regaining his composure \u201cI believe I can. You see,\u201d he continued \u201cWhether you\u2019d prefer your help to come from inefficient bureaucratic agencies or Satanic corporate entities, there is a place for you in my America.\u201d \u201cOk\u2026 that\u2019s cool, but I\u2019m kind of just having trouble finding my way around. It\u2019s only my third week here and I\u2019m kind of lost,\u201d the kid replied. \u201cAh, yes,\u201d said Mayor Pete wistfully. \u201cI myself have been told by many faith-based voters that I am lost or straying from God\u2019s path because of my sexuality. When people think you\u2019re lost, and you yourself start believing it, you must remember that God loves all of his children.\u201d \u201cHey, man, that\u2019s cool and all, but I\u2019m running late, so I\u2019m gonna head out now.\u201d And with that Mayor Pete was left alone again to contemplate his anonymity and youthful appearance. He had thought that being 37 and having no experience in national politics could only benefit him, but now he wasn\u2019t so sure. It didn\u2019t help that he was already feeling insecure about how someone tweeted a pic of his face next to Judy Hopps from Zootopia while commenting on his poor record on police brutality. He wasn\u2019t sure which was worse – police brutality or the fact that his husband Chasten had conceded that there was some resemblance. Suddenly a voice from behind him asked, \u201cso how are you enjoying your first three weeks at the college?\u201d Mayor Pete turned around to stare right into the face of David Axelrod, who immediately apologized and said, \u201cah, Mayor Pete! I\u2019m so sorry! Let me get you up to the stage!\u201d At that point, Mayor Pete was so happy to be recognized – as most people from South Bend, Indiana are in the rare instance that they are recognized outside of South Bend, Indiana \u2014 that he couldn\u2019t even be offended. And with that, Mayor Pete was warmly welcomed to the University of Chicago\u2019s prestigious Institute of Politics.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":74,"featured_media":3733,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3730"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/74"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3730"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3730\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3733"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3730"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3730"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3730"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}