{"id":3690,"date":"2019-10-06T05:43:54","date_gmt":"2019-10-05T22:43:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=3690"},"modified":"2019-10-06T05:43:54","modified_gmt":"2019-10-05T22:43:54","slug":"o-aide-mad-with-power","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2019\/10\/06\/o-aide-mad-with-power\/","title":{"rendered":"O-Aide Mad with Power"},"content":{"rendered":"

Disturbing reports out of Wendt house reveal that House O-Aide Kevin has succumbed to the allure of his office and gone mad with power. Kevin, who was chosen as an O-Aide for his approachability and \u201ckind smile\u201d has turned out to be a petulant tyrant whose only wish is to lord over incoming students and isn\u2019t afraid to use the full powers of his week-long appointment to enforce his will.<\/span><\/p>\n

Kevin was previously known in the house for being a reasonable, level-headed young man whose helpfulness was only exceeded by his desire to make everyone feel welcome and at ease. But sources close to Kevin have disclosed that when he put on the maroon coloured t-shirt that was his burden to bear, he felt the crushing weight of his office —\u00a0 and the bags he had been asked to carry to the 3rd floor of South — causing him to snap. Like Nero on the day Rome burned, Kevin refused to carry the bags up all the way to the room, instead leaving the student and their family to suffer and likely perish without his help. Oh, the humanity.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u201cI asked Kevin where I could find the nearest bathroom and I think he was in a bad mood or something, because he just sneered and asked \u2018 what\u2019s it to you, knave!?\u2019 and sauntered away,\u201d said one first year who agreed to speak with us only under the condition of total anonymity. \u201cI saw him a little later yelling \u2018more wine boy!\u2019 at a vending machine, I think he thought it was a royal cup bearer or something?\u201d they went on to say. \u201cHe ended up forgetting to take us to the O-Week party at Logan, guess he\u2019s got a lot on his mind\u201d. Indeed Kevin did, he had a full week of making door decorations and welcoming parents weighing heavy on his soul.<\/span><\/p>\n

We spoke to Kevin\u2019s RH\u2019s about his reign of terror and they had only this to say, \u201cWe\u2019ve had to speak to Kevin about his behavior, I told him it\u2019s incredibly rude to refer to a\u00a0 student\u2019s mom as \u2018old hag\u2019 and that he did not have the authority to have her or anyone else in the house \u2018hanged\u2019. He then proclaimed \u2018you have but one King and his name is Kevin!\u2019, so I guess it didn\u2019t really get through to him. At least O-Week\u2019s almost over and he can go back to being regular old Kevin\u201d.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When we asked Kevin, one of three O-Aides assigned to Wendt, what his next career move was now that he had acquired a taste for true power and all that comes with it, he simply remarked, \u201cWe\u2019ll see, I might run for Student Government or something\u201d.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Disturbing reports out of Wendt house reveal that House O-Aide Kevin has succumbed to the allure of his office and gone mad with power. Kevin, who was chosen as an O-Aide for his approachability and \u201ckind smile\u201d has turned out to be a petulant tyrant whose only wish is to lord over incoming students and isn\u2019t afraid to use the full powers of his week-long appointment to enforce his will. Kevin was previously known in the house for being a reasonable, level-headed young man whose helpfulness was only exceeded by his desire to make everyone feel welcome and at ease. But sources close to Kevin have disclosed that when he put on the maroon coloured t-shirt that was his burden to bear, he felt the crushing weight of his office —\u00a0 and the bags he had been asked to carry to the 3rd floor of South — causing him to snap. Like Nero on the day Rome burned, Kevin refused to carry the bags up all the way to the room, instead leaving the student and their family to suffer and likely perish without his help. Oh, the humanity. \u00a0\u201cI asked Kevin where I could find the nearest bathroom and I think he was in a bad mood or something, because he just sneered and asked \u2018 what\u2019s it to you, knave!?\u2019 and sauntered away,\u201d said one first year who agreed to speak with us only under the condition of total anonymity. \u201cI saw him a little later yelling \u2018more wine boy!\u2019 at a vending machine, I think he thought it was a royal cup bearer or something?\u201d they went on to say. \u201cHe ended up forgetting to take us to the O-Week party at Logan, guess he\u2019s got a lot on his mind\u201d. Indeed Kevin did, he had a full week of making door decorations and welcoming parents weighing heavy on his soul. We spoke to Kevin\u2019s RH\u2019s about his reign of terror and they had only this to say, \u201cWe\u2019ve had to speak to Kevin about his behavior, I told him it\u2019s incredibly rude to refer to a\u00a0 student\u2019s mom as \u2018old hag\u2019 and that he did not have the authority to have her or anyone else in the house \u2018hanged\u2019. He then proclaimed \u2018you have but one King and his name is Kevin!\u2019, so I guess it didn\u2019t really get through to him. At least O-Week\u2019s almost over and he can go back to being regular old Kevin\u201d.\u00a0 When we asked Kevin, one of three O-Aides assigned to Wendt, what his next career move was now that he had acquired a taste for true power and all that comes with it, he simply remarked, \u201cWe\u2019ll see, I might run for Student Government or something\u201d.\u00a0  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":74,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3690","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3690","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/74"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3690"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3690\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3855,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3690\/revisions\/3855"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3690"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3690"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3690"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}