By Sylvia Lampson<\/p>\n
The University of Chicago is delighted to announce that it is the first university in the nation to open a school dedicated to molecular engineering. This decision was prompted primarily by the need to wrap your dick in some sort of nano-material, since god knows anything else would just overwhelm it. <\/span><\/p>\n \u201cHis dick was honestly getting lost in his XS Trojans,\u201d your ex-girlfriend reported in a statement to the Dealer. \u201cIt was like a kid in his dad\u2019s shoes. Or like clown shoes,\u201d she continued, \u201cexcept less cute. Also, I\u2019m sorry for the kid analogy. I\u2019m not a creep I promise. The point is just that it\u2019s extremely small and the condoms were way too big.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The Pritzker Foundation, in its <\/span>$100<\/span><\/span> million grant, cited \u201cthe need to find a condom small enough to stay on your tiny-ass dick\u201d as an issue for the public good. \u201cWe could not continue to operate in good conscience without providing funding to fight the national crisis of your inability to wrap up your lil itty-bitty cocklet. We hope that, with this donation, the University will be able to engineer a condom on a molecular scale so you can finally wear protection. Our tentative goal for the development of something so absurdly small is 2050.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n According to tax documents the Dealer found in the trash behind JB Pritzker\u2019s mansion, the donation was written off under the category of \u201cMoney to Deal with your Dick that\u2019s so Tiny it\u2019s Literally not even Funny Anymore (jk it\u2019s obvi hilarious lmaooo can\u2019t even see your dick with the Hubble).\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n The Dealer awaits your comment and offers no judgment on your Lilliputian fun-sized microscopic eensy-weensy infinitesimal puny dinky pitiful negligible paltry skimpy diminutive tiny pecker.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Sylvia Lampson The University of Chicago is delighted to announce that it is the first university in the nation to open a school dedicated to molecular engineering. This decision was prompted primarily by the need to wrap your dick in some sort of nano-material, since god knows anything else would just overwhelm it. \u201cHis dick was honestly getting lost in his XS Trojans,\u201d your ex-girlfriend reported in a statement to the Dealer. \u201cIt was like a kid in his dad\u2019s shoes. Or like clown shoes,\u201d she continued, \u201cexcept less cute. Also, I\u2019m sorry for the kid analogy. I\u2019m not a creep I promise. The point is just that it\u2019s extremely small and the condoms were way too big.\u201d The Pritzker Foundation, in its $100 million grant, cited \u201cthe need to find a condom small enough to stay on your tiny-ass dick\u201d as an issue for the public good. \u201cWe could not continue to operate in good conscience without providing funding to fight the national crisis of your inability to wrap up your lil itty-bitty cocklet. We hope that, with this donation, the University will be able to engineer a condom on a molecular scale so you can finally wear protection. Our tentative goal for the development of something so absurdly small is 2050.\u201d According to tax documents the Dealer found in the trash behind JB Pritzker\u2019s mansion, the donation was written off under the category of \u201cMoney to Deal with your Dick that\u2019s so Tiny it\u2019s Literally not even Funny Anymore (jk it\u2019s obvi hilarious lmaooo can\u2019t even see your dick with the Hubble).\u201d The Dealer awaits your comment and offers no judgment on your Lilliputian fun-sized microscopic eensy-weensy infinitesimal puny dinky pitiful negligible paltry skimpy diminutive tiny pecker.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3636,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[15],"class_list":["post-3633","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life","tag-websclusive"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3633","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3633"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3633\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3639,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3633\/revisions\/3639"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3636"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3633"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3633"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3633"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}