{"id":3548,"date":"2019-05-16T09:10:14","date_gmt":"2019-05-16T02:10:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=3548"},"modified":"2025-04-13T19:40:37","modified_gmt":"2025-04-14T00:40:37","slug":"how-to-make-up-an-internship-to-appease-your-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2019\/05\/16\/how-to-make-up-an-internship-to-appease-your-parents\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Make Up an Internship to Appease Your Parents"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s May, and those of you with bad luck (and\/or a bad resume) may still not have heard back from anywhere about summer internships. You may be feeling stressed out \u2014 Career Advancement is sending out mass emails twice a day, and if your family is anything like mine, your mother calls you twice a week to ask about your internship plans. (Every time, I check my email for updates, and every time I end up crying in the shower, my tears bleeding into the harsh, endless, rain, dissolving into nothing.) But be optimistic! There are a lot of jobs out there, and though your empty inbox on Handshake may suggest otherwise, you are probably qualified for at least one. But just in case you don\u2019t get any offers by the end of the quarter \u2014 a possibility that, by now, must loom more and more with each passing hour \u2014 I\u2019ve written this handy guide on making up an internship to satisfy your parents!<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Stop applying for the jobs you want and start applying for the jobs that don\u2019t require cover letters.<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Before you give up on finding a real job entirely, you should make one last, panicked attempt and apply to everything you can find. But writing a full application takes too long. From now on, you apply only to the positions that require a resume and nothing else. Sure, some of these might not be jobs you actually want, but as the saying goes: unemployed millennials can\u2019t be choosers. Who cares if it\u2019s a sales rep position but your major is astrophysics? It\u2019s time to cast your net wide. <\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Pick a city far from your hometown.<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the event that casting your net wide does not, in fact, get you a job, you\u2019ll have to start working on that fake internship. But how would you hide that shame from your parents? Imagine if they asked to visit you \u2014 the horror! To best hide your secret, choose a city far, far away from your parents. Make sure it\u2019s a real, semi-known place, but not somewhere they can get to easily \u2014 like Tempe, Arizona.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ask Jake from Bumble if you can stay at his place this summer, just for a bit.<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019re like me and your parents track your location through GPS, it\u2019d probably be best to stay in your \u201ccity of work\u201d for the duration of your \u201cinternship\u201d. Remember Jake from Bumble? You ghosted him two months ago when he said he &#8220;only kind of liked&#8221; <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hotel Transylvania 3<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. He\u2019s from Arizona. You could use that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Invent a startup and write your job description.<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To make your fake internship believable, you\u2019ll need proof that your job actually exists. You *could* just pretend that you\u2019re working for a real company, but then your parents could look it up and ask questions. To avoid this problem, invent your own company \u2014 log onto Wix and make a fake website for a fake startup, and then put in a fake customer service email (that you\u2019ll be managing) for good measure. Now all you need to do is write your own job description! To keep you parents from asking for ~fun summer internship group photos~, make up a position that wouldn\u2019t logically lead to much social interaction. Examples include \u201czombie rats lab night shift technician\u201d and \u201canimated dating sim language reviewer\u201d. Bonus: you\u2019ll get some real experience with web design and writing, and you actually won\u2019t be lying about that part where you\u2019re spending the summer alone.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Call your mother, smile through the Skype screen, and lie to the woman that raised you with her own sweat, blood, and tears.<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You\u2019re almost done. All you need to do is actually let your parents know about this cool internship you just got. So grit your teeth, smile through your guilt, and call your mother. She\u2019ll be overjoyed to hear that you\u2019re finding success in life. Then go into the shower, cry, and let your tears disappear as the apathetic waterfall of the shower swallows them whole.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s May, and those of you with bad luck (and\/or a bad resume) may still not have heard back from anywhere about summer internships. You may be feeling stressed out \u2014 Career Advancement is sending out mass emails twice a day, and if your family is anything like mine, your mother calls you twice a week to ask about your internship plans. (Every time, I check my email for updates, and every time I end up crying in the shower, my tears bleeding into the harsh, endless, rain, dissolving into nothing.) But be optimistic! There are a lot of jobs out there, and though your empty inbox on Handshake may suggest otherwise, you are probably qualified for at least one. But just in case you don\u2019t get any offers by the end of the quarter \u2014 a possibility that, by now, must loom more and more with each passing hour \u2014 I\u2019ve written this handy guide on making up an internship to satisfy your parents! &nbsp; Stop applying for the jobs you want and start applying for the jobs that don\u2019t require cover letters. &nbsp; Before you give up on finding a real job entirely, you should make one last, panicked attempt and apply to everything you can find. But writing a full application takes too long. From now on, you apply only to the positions that require a resume and nothing else. Sure, some of these might not be jobs you actually want, but as the saying goes: unemployed millennials can\u2019t be choosers. Who cares if it\u2019s a sales rep position but your major is astrophysics? It\u2019s time to cast your net wide. &nbsp; Pick a city far from your hometown. &nbsp; In the event that casting your net wide does not, in fact, get you a job, you\u2019ll have to start working on that fake internship. But how would you hide that shame from your parents? Imagine if they asked to visit you \u2014 the horror! To best hide your secret, choose a city far, far away from your parents. Make sure it\u2019s a real, semi-known place, but not somewhere they can get to easily \u2014 like Tempe, Arizona. &nbsp; Ask Jake from Bumble if you can stay at his place this summer, just for a bit. &nbsp; If you\u2019re like me and your parents track your location through GPS, it\u2019d probably be best to stay in your \u201ccity of work\u201d for the duration of your \u201cinternship\u201d. Remember Jake from Bumble? You ghosted him two months ago when he said he &#8220;only kind of liked&#8221; Hotel Transylvania 3. He\u2019s from Arizona. You could use that. &nbsp; Invent a startup and write your job description. &nbsp; To make your fake internship believable, you\u2019ll need proof that your job actually exists. You *could* just pretend that you\u2019re working for a real company, but then your parents could look it up and ask questions. To avoid this problem, invent your own company \u2014 log onto Wix and make a fake website for a fake startup, and then put in a fake customer service email (that you\u2019ll be managing) for good measure. Now all you need to do is write your own job description! To keep you parents from asking for ~fun summer internship group photos~, make up a position that wouldn\u2019t logically lead to much social interaction. Examples include \u201czombie rats lab night shift technician\u201d and \u201canimated dating sim language reviewer\u201d. Bonus: you\u2019ll get some real experience with web design and writing, and you actually won\u2019t be lying about that part where you\u2019re spending the summer alone. &nbsp; Call your mother, smile through the Skype screen, and lie to the woman that raised you with her own sweat, blood, and tears. &nbsp; You\u2019re almost done. All you need to do is actually let your parents know about this cool internship you just got. So grit your teeth, smile through your guilt, and call your mother. She\u2019ll be overjoyed to hear that you\u2019re finding success in life. Then go into the shower, cry, and let your tears disappear as the apathetic waterfall of the shower swallows them whole.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":20,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[23],"class_list":["post-3548","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-internships-jobs-the-hard-reality-of-modern-capitalism","tag-15-6"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3548","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/20"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3548"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3548\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7039,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3548\/revisions\/7039"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3548"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3548"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3548"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}