A recent survey of University of Chicago Greek life has revealed that every single fraternity brother since 1920 was born under the astrological sign of Scorpio, and is therefore a totally irredeemable trash human being.<\/p>\n
So far, the University community has reacted with little surprise.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnybody who\u2019s willing to get peed on, so THEY can pee on somebody four years later? Yeah, that\u2019s a Scorpio,\u201d said Bert Talleyrand, a third-year student and pee expert.<\/p>\n
\u201cI just wish they\u2019d pee on me,\u201d he said, beginning to cry.<\/p>\n
Campus astrology expert and first-year humanities major Bathilda Trelawney was also consulted on this matter.<\/p>\n
\u201cScorpios are typically secretive and distrustful,\u201d Trelawney said, \u201cwhich could explain why they don\u2019t let me into their parties.\u201d<\/p>\n
She added that in large groups, she could predict both green auras and a total disrespect for crystal healing. \u201cBut don\u2019t get me wrong,\u201d she said. \u201cThat doesn\u2019t stop Alpha Delt from being pretty cool.\u201d<\/p>\n
In light of the survey\u2019s results, the Administration has completely changed its perspective on dealing with its fraternities.<\/p>\n
Instead of officially disbanding them, which would only release Scorpios into the general population, the Dean Boyer has proposed a plan to stop admitting Scorpio students.<\/p>\n
When first asked about the new plan, Dean Boyer said, \u201cHow\u2019d you get in here?\u201d But, after flushing, he admitted, \u201cWe\u2019re just gonna stop admitting them. They never done us no good, so fuck \u2018em.\u201d<\/p>\n
Boyer doubts the plan is legal, but \u201c[t]hat never stopped us before. And besides, nothing else\u2019ll do the trick \u2013 you can\u2019t reform a Scorpio.\u201d<\/p>\n
When asked for comment on this matter, President Zimmer replied, \u201cAstrology? Miss me with that fake shit.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A recent survey of University of Chicago Greek life has revealed that every single fraternity brother since 1920 was born under the astrological sign of Scorpio, and is therefore a totally irredeemable trash human being. So far, the University community has reacted with little surprise. \u201cAnybody who\u2019s willing to get peed on, so THEY can pee on somebody four years later? Yeah, that\u2019s a Scorpio,\u201d said Bert Talleyrand, a third-year student and pee expert. \u201cI just wish they\u2019d pee on me,\u201d he said, beginning to cry. Campus astrology expert and first-year humanities major Bathilda Trelawney was also consulted on this matter. \u201cScorpios are typically secretive and distrustful,\u201d Trelawney said, \u201cwhich could explain why they don\u2019t let me into their parties.\u201d She added that in large groups, she could predict both green auras and a total disrespect for crystal healing. \u201cBut don\u2019t get me wrong,\u201d she said. \u201cThat doesn\u2019t stop Alpha Delt from being pretty cool.\u201d In light of the survey\u2019s results, the Administration has completely changed its perspective on dealing with its fraternities. Instead of officially disbanding them, which would only release Scorpios into the general population, the Dean Boyer has proposed a plan to stop admitting Scorpio students. When first asked about the new plan, Dean Boyer said, \u201cHow\u2019d you get in here?\u201d But, after flushing, he admitted, \u201cWe\u2019re just gonna stop admitting them. They never done us no good, so fuck \u2018em.\u201d Boyer doubts the plan is legal, but \u201c[t]hat never stopped us before. And besides, nothing else\u2019ll do the trick \u2013 you can\u2019t reform a Scorpio.\u201d When asked for comment on this matter, President Zimmer replied, \u201cAstrology? Miss me with that fake shit.\u201d <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[13],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3450"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3450"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3450\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3525,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3450\/revisions\/3525"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3450"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3450"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3450"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}