<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Tired of looking like a less-than-great ape? Sick of falling behind on hunts? Feel like a loser while watching those hill tribesmen get laid at the solstice celebration?<\/p>\n
Diet:<\/p>\n
It\u2019s easy to let yourself go; you\u00a0gorge yourself after a couple big kills and suddenly your gazelle skin robes\u00a0don\u2019t cinch quite the way they used to.<\/p>\n
From now on, eat what only what you kill! No\u00a0more taking handouts from the nice Neanderthals next door. If you want food
\nyou\u2019ll have to take your own spear and bury it in the vitals of a living\u00a0creature. You\u2019ll be hungry for a while, but desperation will have you looking\u00a0lean and mean pretty fast.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re less a hunter and more a gatherer,\u00a0this still holds. You\u2019ve gotta snag your own fruits, nuts and berries. Crops\u00a0haven\u2019t been invented yet, so you\u2019ll lose weight pretty fast on low calorie\u00a0shit like teosinte. No matter how you do it, you\u2019ll have a six pack by the next\u00a0full moon.<\/p>\n
Workout:<\/p>\n
Hill\u00a0tribesman are ripped badasses thanks to years of raiding and pillaging. You can\u2019t\u00a0expect to look like a straight-up cave painting right away. This will require\u00a0erf, grrr, and huhhgh. Here are a few exercises that will have you ready for\u00a0the next big feast!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n o\u00a0Run for your life!<\/span> o\u00a0Go on a raid!<\/span> o\u00a0Wrestle Grunk!<\/span> o\u00a0Try Counting!<\/span> Tired of looking like a less-than-great ape? Sick of falling behind on hunts? Feel like a loser while watching those hill tribesmen get laid at the solstice celebration? Diet: It\u2019s easy to let yourself go; you\u00a0gorge yourself after a couple big kills and suddenly your gazelle skin robes\u00a0don\u2019t cinch quite the way they used to. From now on, eat what only what you kill! No\u00a0more taking handouts from the nice Neanderthals next door. If you want food you\u2019ll have to take your own spear and bury it in the vitals of a living\u00a0creature. You\u2019ll be hungry for a while, but desperation will have you looking\u00a0lean and mean pretty fast. If you\u2019re less a hunter and more a gatherer,\u00a0this still holds. You\u2019ve gotta snag your own fruits, nuts and berries. Crops\u00a0haven\u2019t been invented yet, so you\u2019ll lose weight pretty fast on low calorie\u00a0shit like teosinte. No matter how you do it, you\u2019ll have a six pack by the next\u00a0full moon. Workout: Hill\u00a0tribesman are ripped badasses thanks to years of raiding and pillaging. You can\u2019t\u00a0expect to look like a straight-up cave painting right away. This will require\u00a0erf, grrr, and huhhgh. Here are a few exercises that will have you ready for\u00a0the next big feast!\u00a0 o\u00a0Run for your life! Lucky for you, the world abounds with primordial\u00a0horrors. Put out the campfire and get ready to run! o\u00a0Go on a raid! Go over to the next valley and burn some huts!\u00a0This exercise isn\u2019t all that strenuous but massively boosts\u00a0testosterone, a crucial ingredient in muscle growth. o\u00a0Wrestle Grunk! He is the biggest, baddest hominid in your\u00a0valley and he\u2019ll kick your ass. However, after a montage of your thick brow\u00a0ridge hitting the dirt while bone flutes play in the background, you should\u00a0have some nice muscles and only minor brain damage. o\u00a0Try Counting! Mental fitness is just as important as important\u00a0as physical fitness, and your body isn\u2019t the only thing that has atrophied as a\u00a0result of your indolent valley lifestyle. Try counting as high as you can go –\u00a0most hill tribesmen can get to 5.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3438,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[11],"class_list":["post-269","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-historical-issue","tag-15-4"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/269","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=269"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/269\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":315,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/269\/revisions\/315"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3438"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=269"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=269"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=269"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n<\/span><\/span>Lucky for you, the world abounds with primordial\u00a0horrors. Put out the campfire and get ready to run!
\n<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/span>Go over to the next valley and burn some huts!\u00a0This exercise isn\u2019t all that strenuous but massively boosts\u00a0testosterone, a crucial ingredient in muscle growth.
\n<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/span>He is the biggest, baddest hominid in your\u00a0valley and he\u2019ll kick your ass. However, after a montage of your thick brow\u00a0ridge hitting the dirt while bone flutes play in the background, you should\u00a0have some nice muscles and only minor brain damage.
\n<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/span>Mental fitness is just as important as important\u00a0as physical fitness, and your body isn\u2019t the only thing that has atrophied as a\u00a0result of your indolent valley lifestyle. Try counting as high as you can go –\u00a0most hill tribesmen can get to 5.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"