{"id":2398,"date":"2013-03-16T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-03-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/35.224.237.165\/index.php\/2019\/02\/25\/citizens-worried-proposed-single-payer-system-will-force-them-to-change-leech-provider\/"},"modified":"2019-08-09T06:24:02","modified_gmt":"2019-08-08T23:24:02","slug":"citizens-worried-proposed-single-payer-system-will-force-them-to-change-leech-provider","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2013\/03\/16\/citizens-worried-proposed-single-payer-system-will-force-them-to-change-leech-provider\/","title":{"rendered":"Citizens Worried Proposed Single Payer System Will Force Them to Change Leech Provider"},"content":{"rendered":"

Washington, D.C., 1860<\/strong><\/p>\n

Citizens across the country have expressed concern that a proposed single-payer healthcare system would limit their choice of which breeder supplies their medical leeches. The proposed reforms, informally dubbed LeechCare, would use tax revenue to provide medicinal leeches for all American citizens and may force patients to change their family\u2019s leech provider as the nation\u2019s healthcare system is restructured.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy family has been buying leeches from the same man for ten years. I know him, I trust him, and I\u2019ve seen the bog where he gets his leeches. The idea that the government would force us to get our leeches from any breeder they please is ridiculous and insulting,\u201d said incensed Virginian Jeremy O\u2019Doyle.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen my kid wakes me up in the middle of the night with a high fever, I need to know that I\u00a0can let his blood with high-quality leeches from a dependable source. As a hard-working,\u00a0employed citizen, I think I deserve at least that much.\u201d<\/p>\n

Several others shared similar concerns with the Dealer<\/em>. \u201cWhat\u2019s next? Are they going to force\u00a0me to start buying my snake oil from another guy?\u201d said Philadelphia resident Jacob\u00a0McPherson. \u201cOr what about when I need to magnetize my wife to cure her hysteria? Our\u00a0magnetizer is an absolute wizard with a lodestone \u2013 it would be a damn shame if we had to give\u00a0that up over some so-called \u2018reform\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

The nation\u2019s apothecaries, however, were quick to assuage the naysayer\u2019s doubts. \u201cThere are more than enough qualified blood-sucking worm professionals to go around, and customers will still have a large amount of choice in where they get their particular leeches,\u201d said Dr. James Bradshaw of the Harvard medical faculty. \u201cA handful of people may be shuffled around, but the vast majority of people will be getting the same quicksilver, arsenic, and leech treatments that they always have.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd if you\u2019re still not satisfied,\u201d continued Bradshaw, \u201cyou are always more than welcome to\u00a0head down to the river and grab a few of the little suckers yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Many opponents of the reform maintained their doubts. \u201cWill my insurance still cover the fine imported Welsh leeches I\u2019ve been using my whole life?\u201d said Edmund Cremington, a New York-based landowner. \u201cMy constitution is very delicate \u2013 I don\u2019t think I could ever be treated successfully with a common swamp leech.\u201d<\/p>\n

However, despite their differences, both physicians and critics ultimately agreed that in the\u00a0event of a cholera outbreak, they could always fall back on trusty cocaine.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Washington, D.C., 1860 Citizens across the country have expressed concern that a proposed single-payer healthcare system would limit their choice of which breeder supplies their medical leeches. The proposed reforms, informally dubbed LeechCare, would use tax revenue to provide medicinal leeches for all American citizens and may force patients to change their family\u2019s leech provider as the nation\u2019s healthcare system is restructured. \u201cMy family has been buying leeches from the same man for ten years. I know him, I trust him, and I\u2019ve seen the bog where he gets his leeches. The idea that the government would force us to get our leeches from any breeder they please is ridiculous and insulting,\u201d said incensed Virginian Jeremy O\u2019Doyle. \u201cWhen my kid wakes me up in the middle of the night with a high fever, I need to know that I\u00a0can let his blood with high-quality leeches from a dependable source. As a hard-working,\u00a0employed citizen, I think I deserve at least that much.\u201d Several others shared similar concerns with the Dealer. \u201cWhat\u2019s next? Are they going to force\u00a0me to start buying my snake oil from another guy?\u201d said Philadelphia resident Jacob\u00a0McPherson. \u201cOr what about when I need to magnetize my wife to cure her hysteria? Our\u00a0magnetizer is an absolute wizard with a lodestone \u2013 it would be a damn shame if we had to give\u00a0that up over some so-called \u2018reform\u2019.\u201d The nation\u2019s apothecaries, however, were quick to assuage the naysayer\u2019s doubts. \u201cThere are more than enough qualified blood-sucking worm professionals to go around, and customers will still have a large amount of choice in where they get their particular leeches,\u201d said Dr. James Bradshaw of the Harvard medical faculty. \u201cA handful of people may be shuffled around, but the vast majority of people will be getting the same quicksilver, arsenic, and leech treatments that they always have.\u201d \u201cAnd if you\u2019re still not satisfied,\u201d continued Bradshaw, \u201cyou are always more than welcome to\u00a0head down to the river and grab a few of the little suckers yourself.\u201d Many opponents of the reform maintained their doubts. \u201cWill my insurance still cover the fine imported Welsh leeches I\u2019ve been using my whole life?\u201d said Edmund Cremington, a New York-based landowner. \u201cMy constitution is very delicate \u2013 I don\u2019t think I could ever be treated successfully with a common swamp leech.\u201d However, despite their differences, both physicians and critics ultimately agreed that in the\u00a0event of a cholera outbreak, they could always fall back on trusty cocaine.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2398"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2398"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2398\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3662,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2398\/revisions\/3662"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2398"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2398"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2398"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}