<\/p>\n
Tragedy struck the University of Chicago last week when the entire class of 2016 drowned in a series of freak accidents across the Chicago area. School officials have attributed the death of every entering first-year in the College to the abolition of a swimming test for entering students, a longstanding tradition abandoned this year with little explanation.<\/p>\n
\t\u0093Oh, jeez. We really didn\u0092t see this coming,\u0094 said Dean of the College John Boyer, in a press release. \u0093Our bad on this one, seriously.\u0094<\/p>\n
\tStudents across the campus are in shock at the sudden and unpredictable turn of events. \u0093I was just walking to the Reg with this first-year from my house, and he just slipped in a puddle and started drowning,\u0094 said third-year Jennifer Arviso. \u0093You really just don’t know when you will need to be able to swim.\u0094<\/p>\n
\tThe University of Chicago swim test had, for more than 60 years, assessed the swimming abilities of entering freshmen by making them swim a simple 100 yards. If students could not complete this, they were issued a mandatory life vest until they could complete a basic swimming course. <\/p>\n
\tPresident of the University Robert Zimmer held a press conference discussing the tragedy on Tuesday. \u0093We really thought we didn\u0092t need to teach students to swim anymore, with things like the iphones around. Huh. Well, I guess we were wrong.\u0094 President Zimmer said while shrugging his shoulders emphatically. \u0093Guess we will have to reasses our acceptance rate for transfer students next year.\u0094<\/p>\n
As part of its analysis into the mass deaths, the University has released an extensive accounting of the drowning incidents. Notably, 609 first-years were killed in a rainstorm during the second week. A further 472 were found dead in Botany Pond, and more than 100 freshmen died trying to shotgun cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon at various parties around University campus. <\/p>\n
\u0093They just had no idea how easy it is to drown on campus,\u0094 said fourth year Christian Voss. \u0093I\u0092ve almost drowned at least three times today. I\u0092m really glad I had to learn to swim when I got here. Otherwise I wouldn\u0092t have lasted until my first midterms .\u0094<\/p>\n
At press time, a small contingent of transfer students, not yet schooled in Swimming, had barricaded themselves inside Harper ?eading Room for safety and declared it \u0093Drytopia.\u0094<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Walker King Oct. 21, 2012 Tragedy struck the University of Chicago last week when the entire class of 2016 drowned in a series of freak accidents across the Chicago area. School officials have attributed the death of every entering first-year in the College to the abolition of a swimming test for entering students, a longstanding tradition abandoned this year with little explanation. \u0093Oh, jeez. We really didn\u0092t see this coming,\u0094 said Dean of the College John Boyer, in a press release. \u0093Our bad on this one, seriously.\u0094 Students across the campus are in shock at the sudden and unpredictable turn of events. \u0093I was just walking to the Reg with this first-year from my house, and he just slipped in a puddle and started drowning,\u0094 said third-year Jennifer Arviso. \u0093You really just don’t know when you will need to be able to swim.\u0094 The University of Chicago swim test had, for more than 60 years, assessed the swimming abilities of entering freshmen by making them swim a simple 100 yards. If students could not complete this, they were issued a mandatory life vest until they could complete a basic swimming course. President of the University Robert Zimmer held a press conference discussing the tragedy on Tuesday. \u0093We really thought we didn\u0092t need to teach students to swim anymore, with things like the iphones around. Huh. Well, I guess we were wrong.\u0094 President Zimmer said while shrugging his shoulders emphatically. \u0093Guess we will have to reasses our acceptance rate for transfer students next year.\u0094 As part of its analysis into the mass deaths, the University has released an extensive accounting of the drowning incidents. Notably, 609 first-years were killed in a rainstorm during the second week. A further 472 were found dead in Botany Pond, and more than 100 freshmen died trying to shotgun cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon at various parties around University campus. \u0093They just had no idea how easy it is to drown on campus,\u0094 said fourth year Christian Voss. \u0093I\u0092ve almost drowned at least three times today. I\u0092m really glad I had to learn to swim when I got here. Otherwise I wouldn\u0092t have lasted until my first midterms .\u0094 At press time, a small contingent of transfer students, not yet schooled in Swimming, had barricaded themselves inside Harper ?eading Room for safety and declared it \u0093Drytopia.\u0094<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2392","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2392","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2392"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2392\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3425,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2392\/revisions\/3425"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2392"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2392"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2392"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}