<\/p>\n
You all know David Axelrod, Nate Silver, Kurt Vonnegut, and Vixen; Edwin Hubble, John Ashcroft, Roger Ebert and Blitzen. But do you recall the most obscure College alumni of them all? Enjoy this brief list we’\u0092ve compiled.<\/p>\n
Joseph McKellan, A.B. 1895: <\/strong>Inventor of the Non-Paper Shirt Tag<\/strong><\/p>\n Most of us take those shimmering fabric loops with symbolic washing instructions and sizing in many languages for granted. But according to current American History professor Janet Seals, our ancestors, while skilled at building railroads and drilling for oil, were much too far up their own asses to figure out how to make decent tags for their shirts. “They would make them from paper and then scratch their heads when the tags disappeared after one washing,”\u0094 Seals said. \u0093But Joseph McKellan\u0092s rigorous education at the U of C prepared him to tackle the challenge.\u0094 Using his expertise in theoretical physics and ancient Greek philosophy, McKellan eventually crafted the first non-paper tag: U.S. Patent No. 4.<\/p>\n Peggy Zywicki, A.B. 1987: <\/strong>Playwright: Feces-town<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Ms. Zywicki volunteered to speak with us about this curious coincidence. “\u0093I had it all envisioned \u0096\u2013an eye-opening musical that takes a controversial angle on populism and revolution,\u0094” Zywicki mused. \u0093”But with poop.”\u0094 Upon hearing from every theatre company she contacted that her concept had “already been done,” she shut down emotionally for many years. She did not even seem to know that the offending playwright was Greg Kotis (Urinetown<\/em>), who attended the University of Chicago around the same time as she did. \u0093”Greg Kotis\u0085yes, he lived in my hall in Pierce one year. I remember he really enjoyed listening to my ideas since he really liked the arts and \u0096 wait. Wait a second. Oh my god. That bastard<\/em>.\u0094”<\/p>\n Arnold Oberst, S.B. 1995: <\/strong>Originator of the \u0093One Does Not Simply\u0094 Meme<\/strong><\/p>\n Many do not realize exactly how and where this phenomenon began. Arnold Oberst was one of the very first users of the Something Awful forums. In 2002 (under the username \u0093whereyourmomcomestodie\u0094), he participated in a thread that debated the merits of voice acting in Final Fantasy X. \u0093In a moment of heat, I just wanted to kind of, you know, take the edge off,\u0094 Oberst told us. \u0093It wasn\u0092t as easy to get any image you wanted from the Internet in those days, especially since the movie had just been released, so I just wrote, \u0091”guyz I just thought of something hilarious. picture that part of lotr movie where boromir goes, \u0093one does not simply walk into mordor.\u0094 but INSTEAD he says, \u0093one does not simply use voice acting in the FF games.\u0094 laugh out loud!!!!!!!!!!1!11\u0092” [wild snorting laughter]\u0094. Instantly, a legend was born.<\/p>\n Karl Lutz, Ph.D. 1976: <\/strong>Chinchilla Enthusiast<\/strong><\/p>\n Karl Lutz may look like your average 63-year-old resident of Stamford, Connecticut. But beyond his pasty, withered exterior lies a passion extraordinary for someone of his age: a passion for chinchillas. \u0093After receiving my Ph.D. in psychology,\u0094 Lutz recalled to us, \u0093”it wasn\u0092’t long before I realized what I really yearned for: a Ph.D. in cute cuddly furballs that, unlike your diploma, can really love you back.\u0094” Lutz soon discovered how lucrative it would be to turn his home into a chinchilla rescue service, which is his full-time career today. He is currently housing and caring for 114 chinchillas of all shapes and sizes. We were curious about how he had dealt with living alone for all those years. Lutz became stern. \u0093”I have all my, uh, needs filled by the chinchillas, thank you very much,”\u0094 was all he said.<\/p>\n Angela Hu, S.B. 1980: <\/strong>Prover of Fermat\u0092s \u0093Second-to-Last\u0094 Theorem<\/strong><\/p>\n Hu, a Dean\u0092s List student who excelled in math, always wondered if she might be the next big star in mathematical progress. Well, as Hu related to us, she came close: \u0093”I was agonizing over Fermat\u0092s Last Theorem when my section professor walked up to me and said, ‘\u0091Try this instead.'”\u0092\u0094 The proof seemed just as difficult as the previous one \u0096until she realized that it was directly related to her earlier homework on partially stable circular curves. \u0093”It wasn’\u0092t that bad. I solved it in like twenty minutes,”\u0094 Hu said. While not as glamorous as solving the Last Theorem, in Hu\u0092’s mind, it still ranks up there with what she calls her “\u0093first non-awkward social interaction,”\u0094 which occurred toward the end of her third year.<\/p>\n Martin Small, M.B.A. 1971: <\/strong>The guy whose experience inspired that Viagra warning<\/strong><\/p>\n I mean, we knew<\/em> our school was uncommon, but \u0097 (Small turned down our interview request).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Nora Helfand Jan. 7, 2013 You all know David Axelrod, Nate Silver, Kurt Vonnegut, and Vixen; Edwin Hubble, John Ashcroft, Roger Ebert and Blitzen. But do you recall the most obscure College alumni of them all? Enjoy this brief list we’\u0092ve compiled. Joseph McKellan, A.B. 1895: Inventor of the Non-Paper Shirt Tag Most of us take those shimmering fabric loops with symbolic washing instructions and sizing in many languages for granted. But according to current American History professor Janet Seals, our ancestors, while skilled at building railroads and drilling for oil, were much too far up their own asses to figure out how to make decent tags for their shirts. “They would make them from paper and then scratch their heads when the tags disappeared after one washing,”\u0094 Seals said. \u0093But Joseph McKellan\u0092s rigorous education at the U of C prepared him to tackle the challenge.\u0094 Using his expertise in theoretical physics and ancient Greek philosophy, McKellan eventually crafted the first non-paper tag: U.S. Patent No. 4. Peggy Zywicki, A.B. 1987: Playwright: Feces-town Ms. Zywicki volunteered to speak with us about this curious coincidence. “\u0093I had it all envisioned \u0096\u2013an eye-opening musical that takes a controversial angle on populism and revolution,\u0094” Zywicki mused. \u0093”But with poop.”\u0094 Upon hearing from every theatre company she contacted that her concept had “already been done,” she shut down emotionally for many years. She did not even seem to know that the offending playwright was Greg Kotis (Urinetown), who attended the University of Chicago around the same time as she did. \u0093”Greg Kotis\u0085yes, he lived in my hall in Pierce one year. I remember he really enjoyed listening to my ideas since he really liked the arts and \u0096 wait. Wait a second. Oh my god. That bastard.\u0094” Arnold Oberst, S.B. 1995: Originator of the \u0093One Does Not Simply\u0094 Meme Many do not realize exactly how and where this phenomenon began. Arnold Oberst was one of the very first users of the Something Awful forums. In 2002 (under the username \u0093whereyourmomcomestodie\u0094), he participated in a thread that debated the merits of voice acting in Final Fantasy X. \u0093In a moment of heat, I just wanted to kind of, you know, take the edge off,\u0094 Oberst told us. \u0093It wasn\u0092t as easy to get any image you wanted from the Internet in those days, especially since the movie had just been released, so I just wrote, \u0091”guyz I just thought of something hilarious. picture that part of lotr movie where boromir goes, \u0093one does not simply walk into mordor.\u0094 but INSTEAD he says, \u0093one does not simply use voice acting in the FF games.\u0094 laugh out loud!!!!!!!!!!1!11\u0092” [wild snorting laughter]\u0094. Instantly, a legend was born. Karl Lutz, Ph.D. 1976: Chinchilla Enthusiast Karl Lutz may look like your average 63-year-old resident of Stamford, Connecticut. But beyond his pasty, withered exterior lies a passion extraordinary for someone of his age: a passion for chinchillas. \u0093After receiving my Ph.D. in psychology,\u0094 Lutz recalled to us, \u0093”it wasn\u0092’t long before I realized what I really yearned for: a Ph.D. in cute cuddly furballs that, unlike your diploma, can really love you back.\u0094” Lutz soon discovered how lucrative it would be to turn his home into a chinchilla rescue service, which is his full-time career today. He is currently housing and caring for 114 chinchillas of all shapes and sizes. We were curious about how he had dealt with living alone for all those years. Lutz became stern. \u0093”I have all my, uh, needs filled by the chinchillas, thank you very much,”\u0094 was all he said. Angela Hu, S.B. 1980: Prover of Fermat\u0092s \u0093Second-to-Last\u0094 Theorem Hu, a Dean\u0092s List student who excelled in math, always wondered if she might be the next big star in mathematical progress. Well, as Hu related to us, she came close: \u0093”I was agonizing over Fermat\u0092s Last Theorem when my section professor walked up to me and said, ‘\u0091Try this instead.’”\u0092\u0094 The proof seemed just as difficult as the previous one \u0096until she realized that it was directly related to her earlier homework on partially stable circular curves. \u0093”It wasn’\u0092t that bad. I solved it in like twenty minutes,”\u0094 Hu said. While not as glamorous as solving the Last Theorem, in Hu\u0092’s mind, it still ranks up there with what she calls her “\u0093first non-awkward social interaction,”\u0094 which occurred toward the end of her third year. Martin Small, M.B.A. 1971: The guy whose experience inspired that Viagra warning I mean, we knew our school was uncommon, but \u0097 (Small turned down our interview request).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2348"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2348"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2348\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3381,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2348\/revisions\/3381"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2348"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2348"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2348"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}