<\/p>\n
Medina, Muslim Empire, 651 A.D.\/30 A.H.: Greetings, Commander of the Believers. I know you\u2019ve been a busy man lately, minting the first Islamic coins, sending an envoy to China to try to convert the T\u2019ang Emperor to Islam, and preparing the campaign against Sicily. I\u2019ve been recording it all, so believe me, I totally get where you\u2019re at right now, you know, emotionally and spiritually and all that. I don\u2019t want to be a bother, but considering that I\u2019m recording all your exploits, you should know: I have no idea what this says.<\/p>\n
Honestly, Uthman the Generous, son of Affan, son of Al\u2019as, Commander of the Believers\u2026 What the fuck? Could you please let me add some way of distinguishing between these letters? I get that the Prophet Muhammad son of \u2018Abd Allah son of Abd\u2019 al-Muttalib of the Banu Hashim clan, the one who calls unto God, light personified, and last of the Prophets, peace be upon him, was illiterate. But we, at least, know better. Well, not \u201cbetter,\u201d as such, obviously, since we aren\u2019t being read messages from God by the angel Gabriel, peace be upon him too.<\/p>\n
What I\u2019m saying is, I can\u2019t tell you what you\u2019ve said in the past, O Commander of the Believers, because it could be any number of things. Did you say you wanted your court to be \u201csmall of abuse,\u201d or have \u201cyouth included?\u201d I don\u2019t know if I should summon the cook who beats his kid to the court, so he can be tried and executed, or just see if I can get those performers from Yemen back in town. The other options are that you want to spread<\/em> abuse and\/or youth. If it\u2019s the former, I suppose I\u2019ll just tell my wife to take a trip the next time I\u2019m fasting for Ramadan. Otherwise, I may be able to get you a copy of Umar son of al-Khattab\u2019s tale of forbidden romance between a Qurayshi and a Sassanid that he wrote when he was younger. Strictly off-the-record, you understand, which means I won\u2019t write it down. <\/p>\n Not that you\u2019d be able to read it<\/em>, of course. This four-letter word has 54 possible permutations. All you need to do is add some dots! That way, I can distinguish between baa\u2019 taa\u2019 and tha\u2019, as well as between jim, ha\u2019, and kha\u2019, ra\u2019 and zayn, ayn and \u2018ghayn, siin and shiin, et cetera, et cetera.<\/p>\n Some related business: should the troops in Fars be provided with bathrooms, or pigeons? I\u2019m having trouble reading your edict. Also, it took me ages to figure out all those combinations, so is there any chance you could speed up the timetable on the \u201cinventing algebra\u201d thing?<\/p>\n Thanks and\/or Sugar,<\/p>\n Your Scribe<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Arabic Court Scribe Feb. 4, 2013 Medina, Muslim Empire, 651 A.D.\/30 A.H.: Greetings, Commander of the Believers. I know you\u2019ve been a busy man lately, minting the first Islamic coins, sending an envoy to China to try to convert the T\u2019ang Emperor to Islam, and preparing the campaign against Sicily. I\u2019ve been recording it all, so believe me, I totally get where you\u2019re at right now, you know, emotionally and spiritually and all that. I don\u2019t want to be a bother, but considering that I\u2019m recording all your exploits, you should know: I have no idea what this says. Honestly, Uthman the Generous, son of Affan, son of Al\u2019as, Commander of the Believers\u2026 What the fuck? Could you please let me add some way of distinguishing between these letters? I get that the Prophet Muhammad son of \u2018Abd Allah son of Abd\u2019 al-Muttalib of the Banu Hashim clan, the one who calls unto God, light personified, and last of the Prophets, peace be upon him, was illiterate. But we, at least, know better. Well, not \u201cbetter,\u201d as such, obviously, since we aren\u2019t being read messages from God by the angel Gabriel, peace be upon him too. What I\u2019m saying is, I can\u2019t tell you what you\u2019ve said in the past, O Commander of the Believers, because it could be any number of things. Did you say you wanted your court to be \u201csmall of abuse,\u201d or have \u201cyouth included?\u201d I don\u2019t know if I should summon the cook who beats his kid to the court, so he can be tried and executed, or just see if I can get those performers from Yemen back in town. The other options are that you want to spread abuse and\/or youth. If it\u2019s the former, I suppose I\u2019ll just tell my wife to take a trip the next time I\u2019m fasting for Ramadan. Otherwise, I may be able to get you a copy of Umar son of al-Khattab\u2019s tale of forbidden romance between a Qurayshi and a Sassanid that he wrote when he was younger. Strictly off-the-record, you understand, which means I won\u2019t write it down. Not that you\u2019d be able to read it, of course. This four-letter word has 54 possible permutations. All you need to do is add some dots! That way, I can distinguish between baa\u2019 taa\u2019 and tha\u2019, as well as between jim, ha\u2019, and kha\u2019, ra\u2019 and zayn, ayn and \u2018ghayn, siin and shiin, et cetera, et cetera. Some related business: should the troops in Fars be provided with bathrooms, or pigeons? I\u2019m having trouble reading your edict. Also, it took me ages to figure out all those combinations, so is there any chance you could speed up the timetable on the \u201cinventing algebra\u201d thing? Thanks and\/or Sugar, Your Scribe<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2344"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2344"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2344\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3377,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2344\/revisions\/3377"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2344"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2344"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2344"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}