<\/p>\n
Sunday morning, pandemonium reigned throughout the nation as citizens stabbed and bludgeoned each other to death in the streets. The cause of the killings remains unknown, but is suspected to be the advent of the NCAA Men’s Division I Basketball Championship. The occurrence of so many decisive college basketball games in a short span of time has apparently caused millions of people to lose their sanity, a phenomenon scientists are calling \u201cMarch Madness.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat we are seeing here is a collective response to the political and social unrest that the basketball championship has brought about,\u201d explained UChicago sociology professor Erin Goodwin. \u201cThe opportunity for 68 teams to compete induces a level of instability not seen since the end of World War II. Furthermore, the possibility that any of these teams could win the championship instills a notion in the mind of the average citizen that he or she could win the metaphorical championship of our contemporary political world. In fact\u2014\u201d Goodwin collapsed as a random passerby hit her on the head with a tire iron.<\/p>\n
However, others have suggested that frustration over attempts to predict the outcome of the championship games has led to March Madness. \u201cIt all started a few days ago, when my friends and I were filling out our brackets,\u201d explained third year undergraduate Jeff Collins. \u201cI predicted that Indiana would win the whole thing, but a bunch of my friends thought that Kentucky would win. Of course, I couldn\u2019t let them disagree with me, so I got out my butcher knife, and the rest is a long story. Curse you, Indiana people! Kill! Kill! Kill!\u201d<\/p>\n
The general consensus appears to be that March Madness is a negative turn of events and will probably hurt the economy for months to come. However, others are enthusiastic about the unexpected response at the basketball championship from the public. \u201cI think that March Madness will benefit the college basketball industry for years to come,\u201d proclaimed sports analyst Greg Anthony. \u201cThe fact that people are willing to kill and die over these games shows how important basketball has become to them. In addition, I predict this will greatly expand our fan base. Before now, there were probably a lot of people who either hadn\u2019t heard of the NCAA or just didn\u2019t care about us. Now everyone\u2019s going to know who we are.\u201d<\/p>\n
Chicago Police Department Officer Thomas O\u2019Keefe was assigned to handle all crimes in Chicago related to March Madness. O\u2019Keefe was last observed calmly sitting in his car, munching on a doughnut.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Ben Boyajian Feb. 24, 2013 Sunday morning, pandemonium reigned throughout the nation as citizens stabbed and bludgeoned each other to death in the streets. The cause of the killings remains unknown, but is suspected to be the advent of the NCAA Men’s Division I Basketball Championship. The occurrence of so many decisive college basketball games in a short span of time has apparently caused millions of people to lose their sanity, a phenomenon scientists are calling \u201cMarch Madness.\u201d \u201cWhat we are seeing here is a collective response to the political and social unrest that the basketball championship has brought about,\u201d explained UChicago sociology professor Erin Goodwin. \u201cThe opportunity for 68 teams to compete induces a level of instability not seen since the end of World War II. Furthermore, the possibility that any of these teams could win the championship instills a notion in the mind of the average citizen that he or she could win the metaphorical championship of our contemporary political world. In fact\u2014\u201d Goodwin collapsed as a random passerby hit her on the head with a tire iron. However, others have suggested that frustration over attempts to predict the outcome of the championship games has led to March Madness. \u201cIt all started a few days ago, when my friends and I were filling out our brackets,\u201d explained third year undergraduate Jeff Collins. \u201cI predicted that Indiana would win the whole thing, but a bunch of my friends thought that Kentucky would win. Of course, I couldn\u2019t let them disagree with me, so I got out my butcher knife, and the rest is a long story. Curse you, Indiana people! Kill! Kill! Kill!\u201d The general consensus appears to be that March Madness is a negative turn of events and will probably hurt the economy for months to come. However, others are enthusiastic about the unexpected response at the basketball championship from the public. \u201cI think that March Madness will benefit the college basketball industry for years to come,\u201d proclaimed sports analyst Greg Anthony. \u201cThe fact that people are willing to kill and die over these games shows how important basketball has become to them. In addition, I predict this will greatly expand our fan base. Before now, there were probably a lot of people who either hadn\u2019t heard of the NCAA or just didn\u2019t care about us. Now everyone\u2019s going to know who we are.\u201d Chicago Police Department Officer Thomas O\u2019Keefe was assigned to handle all crimes in Chicago related to March Madness. O\u2019Keefe was last observed calmly sitting in his car, munching on a doughnut.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2323"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2323"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2323\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3356,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2323\/revisions\/3356"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2323"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2323"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2323"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}