<\/p>\n
Most long-time inmates at the University of Chicago know that the campus and its environs are boiling cauldrons of sin, a few well-timed winks and broken condoms away from more unplanned pregnancies than a small town in Texas. Indeed, various sexual shenanigans abound in this isolated corner of the Windy City\u2014but you wouldn\u2019t know it if you talked only to the Class of 2017. These callow youths have been caught completely unawares by UChicago\u2019s beguiling air of sexual promise. Many of them professed feelings of shock at the barest possibility of physical intimacy with their preferred gender or genders.<\/p>\n
Luis Diaz is typical of these incredulous students. An Arizona native and prospective Economics major who describes himself as \u201cold enough to party,\u201d Diaz resigned himself to four years of celibacy when he mailed his enrollment deposit to James Nondorf. He was amazed to discover that many Chicago gals would not only talk to him, but even briefly touch him in a way that, he said, suggested they desired a smidgeon of naked time. \u201cHonestly, I thought I\u2019d have to wait until I was rich to have meaningless sex with gorgeous women, but now I\u2019m less certain,\u201d Diaz said. \u201cThis one girl laughed at one of my jokes!\u201d He smiled nervously. \u201cDo you think she wants to meet Lil\u2019 Luis? I didn\u2019t exactly plan for this.\u201d<\/p>\n
Helen Harris echoed Diaz\u2019s sentiments. When she came to Chicago, Harris assumed that O-Week would be a whirlwind of platonic introductions that would allow her to settle into campus life before meeting with her advisor to discuss her \u201cfour-year plan.\u201d Instead, she found her expectations upended by interest from the young men of the Class of 2017. As it turns out, Harris\u2019 social timetable may need to move up a bit. \u201cI thought I\u2019d have four years of monastic study, followed by a tumultuous quarter-life crisis,\u201d Harris said. \u201cNow, I have to contend with America\u2019s puritanical double standards about sex and relationships, manage potential suitors, and decide when or even if<\/em> I want to have sex\u2026all while dealing with academics! Jesus Christ, what kind of school is this?\u201d<\/p>\n When questioned by the Dealer, University president Bobby Zimmer seemed sanguine about the rising first-years\u2019 shock. \u201cEverything usually balances out after Fall Quarter. I\u2019d say a third of our students become well-adjusted individuals, another third end up with loads of unresolved issues, and the final third just masturbate compulsively and stay in their rooms.\u201d When asked if the University planned on managing students\u2019 expectations to avoid such culture shock-induced mental health dilemmas, Zimmer chuckled: \u201cI fucking doubt it, pal.\u201d<\/p>\n Helen Harris and Luis Diaz have their own ideas about managing their newfound erotic capital. \u201cI\u2019ll do this sex thing in stages by quarter,\u201d Diaz says. \u201cAfter O-Week, I\u2019ll get drunk a lot and have sex with as many women as possible. Winter, I\u2019m thinking I\u2019ll regret my decisions and, wondering what I\u2019m doing with my life, try to have more sober, meaningful relationships. For Spring Quarter, I\u2019m not sure. It\u2019s a toss-up between getting a girlfriend and crying myself to sleep every night.\u201d<\/p>\n Helen Harris was less definitive. \u201cI\u2019ll probably just make out with people, maybe compromise with a BJ every once in a while.” She shrugged. “I\u2019ll definitely feel really guilty about it afterward, though.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Clay Olsen Aug. 2, 2013 Most long-time inmates at the University of Chicago know that the campus and its environs are boiling cauldrons of sin, a few well-timed winks and broken condoms away from more unplanned pregnancies than a small town in Texas. Indeed, various sexual shenanigans abound in this isolated corner of the Windy City\u2014but you wouldn\u2019t know it if you talked only to the Class of 2017. These callow youths have been caught completely unawares by UChicago\u2019s beguiling air of sexual promise. Many of them professed feelings of shock at the barest possibility of physical intimacy with their preferred gender or genders. Luis Diaz is typical of these incredulous students. An Arizona native and prospective Economics major who describes himself as \u201cold enough to party,\u201d Diaz resigned himself to four years of celibacy when he mailed his enrollment deposit to James Nondorf. He was amazed to discover that many Chicago gals would not only talk to him, but even briefly touch him in a way that, he said, suggested they desired a smidgeon of naked time. \u201cHonestly, I thought I\u2019d have to wait until I was rich to have meaningless sex with gorgeous women, but now I\u2019m less certain,\u201d Diaz said. \u201cThis one girl laughed at one of my jokes!\u201d He smiled nervously. \u201cDo you think she wants to meet Lil\u2019 Luis? I didn\u2019t exactly plan for this.\u201d Helen Harris echoed Diaz\u2019s sentiments. When she came to Chicago, Harris assumed that O-Week would be a whirlwind of platonic introductions that would allow her to settle into campus life before meeting with her advisor to discuss her \u201cfour-year plan.\u201d Instead, she found her expectations upended by interest from the young men of the Class of 2017. As it turns out, Harris\u2019 social timetable may need to move up a bit. \u201cI thought I\u2019d have four years of monastic study, followed by a tumultuous quarter-life crisis,\u201d Harris said. \u201cNow, I have to contend with America\u2019s puritanical double standards about sex and relationships, manage potential suitors, and decide when or even if I want to have sex\u2026all while dealing with academics! Jesus Christ, what kind of school is this?\u201d When questioned by the Dealer, University president Bobby Zimmer seemed sanguine about the rising first-years\u2019 shock. \u201cEverything usually balances out after Fall Quarter. I\u2019d say a third of our students become well-adjusted individuals, another third end up with loads of unresolved issues, and the final third just masturbate compulsively and stay in their rooms.\u201d When asked if the University planned on managing students\u2019 expectations to avoid such culture shock-induced mental health dilemmas, Zimmer chuckled: \u201cI fucking doubt it, pal.\u201d Helen Harris and Luis Diaz have their own ideas about managing their newfound erotic capital. \u201cI\u2019ll do this sex thing in stages by quarter,\u201d Diaz says. \u201cAfter O-Week, I\u2019ll get drunk a lot and have sex with as many women as possible. Winter, I\u2019m thinking I\u2019ll regret my decisions and, wondering what I\u2019m doing with my life, try to have more sober, meaningful relationships. For Spring Quarter, I\u2019m not sure. It\u2019s a toss-up between getting a girlfriend and crying myself to sleep every night.\u201d Helen Harris was less definitive. \u201cI\u2019ll probably just make out with people, maybe compromise with a BJ every once in a while.” She shrugged. “I\u2019ll definitely feel really guilty about it afterward, though.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2282","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2282","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2282"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2282\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3315,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2282\/revisions\/3315"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2282"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2282"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2282"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}