<\/p>\n
Officials in the University of Chicago Supernatural Care and Radio-Ectoplasmology Department (UCSCARED), after investigating numerous reports of an almost translucently pale hipster attending SOSC classes, have revealed that the mysterious student is actually the restless soul of second-year Buddy Goldman (A.B. ’55), who died at Cobb Cafe following a tragic bagel incident in 1953.<\/p>\n
The Shady Dealer<\/i> tracked down the paranormal apparition that had until now refused to reveal its past identity. \u201cIwas worried about being mistaken for a That Kid I\u2019ve really just been in these classes for a long time,\u201d said the remarkably put-together ghost while cleaning his horn-rims on a skinny tie. \u201cI died not understanding anything my professor was talking about, so I\u2019ve been condemned by the spirit of Robert Maynard Hutchins to sit in on SOSC classes until I get it. I think I\u2019m getting there, but there\u2019s a lot of crazy shit in these books.\u201d<\/p>\n
When reached for comment, the University declined to reveal if it would consider the ghost\u2019s fifty-nine years of SOSC sufficient to earn the passing grade needed to put his soul to rest. His fellow students have agreed to go on record, admitting they envied the ghost both for his painless all-nighters and for his ability to absorb dozens of pages at a time by putting his head through Capital<\/i> repeatedly.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Simon Stanco Oct. 18, 2013 Officials in the University of Chicago Supernatural Care and Radio-Ectoplasmology Department (UCSCARED), after investigating numerous reports of an almost translucently pale hipster attending SOSC classes, have revealed that the mysterious student is actually the restless soul of second-year Buddy Goldman (A.B. ’55), who died at Cobb Cafe following a tragic bagel incident in 1953. The Shady Dealer tracked down the paranormal apparition that had until now refused to reveal its past identity. \u201cIwas worried about being mistaken for a That Kid I\u2019ve really just been in these classes for a long time,\u201d said the remarkably put-together ghost while cleaning his horn-rims on a skinny tie. \u201cI died not understanding anything my professor was talking about, so I\u2019ve been condemned by the spirit of Robert Maynard Hutchins to sit in on SOSC classes until I get it. I think I\u2019m getting there, but there\u2019s a lot of crazy shit in these books.\u201d When reached for comment, the University declined to reveal if it would consider the ghost\u2019s fifty-nine years of SOSC sufficient to earn the passing grade needed to put his soul to rest. His fellow students have agreed to go on record, admitting they envied the ghost both for his painless all-nighters and for his ability to absorb dozens of pages at a time by putting his head through Capital repeatedly.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2263","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2263","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2263"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2263\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3296,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2263\/revisions\/3296"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2263"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2263"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2263"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}