{"id":225,"date":"2019-02-06T16:35:06","date_gmt":"2019-02-06T09:35:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/35.224.237.165\/?p=225"},"modified":"2019-02-26T05:12:49","modified_gmt":"2019-02-25T22:12:49","slug":"if-your-relationship-can-survive-smallpox-it-can-survive-anything","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2019\/02\/06\/if-your-relationship-can-survive-smallpox-it-can-survive-anything\/","title":{"rendered":"If Your Relationship Can Survive Smallpox, It Can Survive Anything"},"content":{"rendered":"

We live in turbulent times. Monarchies fall, colonies talk of rebelling, and friends get transported to Australia for jaywalking. In these troubling days, couldn\u2019t we all use a relationship we know we can depend on? Maybe the eternal threat of a Cossack horde descending on your minor Polish village wouldn\u2019t be so worrying if you had a warm, dependable body to be thrown in the pits with. It\u2019s just too bad that it\u2019s impossible to truly know how much someone loves you until you\u2019ve been through a horrifying tribulation together. <\/span><\/p>\n

Enter mutilating diseases. In what some are calling \u201cthe defining cultural event of Generation A,\u201d a growing number of young people, myself included, are giving themselves and their significant others smallpox in order to prove their either undying or extremely-dying love. Personally, I was shocked to discover how easy the whole ordeal is. All I had to do was pour some fluid from the blister of an infected friend into Edward\u2019s food. The next two weeks were the absolute best of our whole relationship. It\u2019s funny, you never truly know somebody until you\u2019re bandaging up each other\u2019s openly bleeding blisters while trying not to move too much due to excruciating pain. As we lay, groaning and whimpering in bed, I felt that I had never been so close with someone in my life. I talked non-stop the whole time, and Edward, he really listened.<\/span><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, Edward failed the test. About 20 days after I exposed him to the disease, he stopped responding to me speaking. Of course, I immediately threw him into a mass grave that was about to be filled in. I\u2019m not upset, though. It was good to know that the person I loved so much was not somebody I could depend on through thick and thin. I only wish I had done this sooner. It\u2019s clear to me that any relationship which can survive this test is fated to last. At long last, the Almighty has granted us certainty.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We live in turbulent times. Monarchies fall, colonies talk of rebelling, and friends get transported to Australia for jaywalking. In these troubling days, couldn\u2019t we all use a relationship we know we can depend on? Maybe the eternal threat of a Cossack horde descending on your minor Polish village wouldn\u2019t be so worrying if you had a warm, dependable body to be thrown in the pits with. It\u2019s just too bad that it\u2019s impossible to truly know how much someone loves you until you\u2019ve been through a horrifying tribulation together. Enter mutilating diseases. In what some are calling \u201cthe defining cultural event of Generation A,\u201d a growing number of young people, myself included, are giving themselves and their significant others smallpox in order to prove their either undying or extremely-dying love. Personally, I was shocked to discover how easy the whole ordeal is. All I had to do was pour some fluid from the blister of an infected friend into Edward\u2019s food. The next two weeks were the absolute best of our whole relationship. It\u2019s funny, you never truly know somebody until you\u2019re bandaging up each other\u2019s openly bleeding blisters while trying not to move too much due to excruciating pain. As we lay, groaning and whimpering in bed, I felt that I had never been so close with someone in my life. I talked non-stop the whole time, and Edward, he really listened. Unfortunately, Edward failed the test. About 20 days after I exposed him to the disease, he stopped responding to me speaking. Of course, I immediately threw him into a mass grave that was about to be filled in. I\u2019m not upset, though. It was good to know that the person I loved so much was not somebody I could depend on through thick and thin. I only wish I had done this sooner. It\u2019s clear to me that any relationship which can survive this test is fated to last. At long last, the Almighty has granted us certainty.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[11],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=225"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":325,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225\/revisions\/325"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=225"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=225"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=225"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}