<\/p>\n
At this weekend\u2019s Grain and Cereal Convention, the Monsanto Company unveiled \u201cGM-O\u2019s,\u201d its flagship brand in a new line of genetically-modified breakfast cereals.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe at Monsanto are very disappointed with the lukewarm response of established breakfast cereal brands to our revolutionary biotechnological advancements,\u201d said Monica Chase, a Foodworks\u00ae representative for the multinational agribusiness. \u201cIt\u2019s time for the consumer to really understand and enjoy the science in their cereal.\u201d Consisting entirely of Round-Up Ready\u00ae Corn and Corn Syrup, GM-O\u2019s are \u201cgolden, delicious flakes that are the perfect marriage of agriculture, business, and flavor.\u201d<\/p>\n
Monsanto plans to release GM-O\u2019s with a full line of breakfast cereals, including \u201cWheat\u201dies, Transgenic Toast Crunch, and Frankenfruit Loops. The launch will also include Monsanto’s new mascot Bureaucrat Crunch, a high-ranking Dept. of Agriculture official whose commitment to responsible biotechnology is matched only by his commitment to kids having fun. \u201cHe also worked diligently at Monsanto for 15 years, so you can be sure he knows what he\u2019s talking about,\u201d said Chase. <\/p>\n
After the official announcement, Monsanto welcomed to the stage Jenny Carlson, a member of a focus group for the new cereal. She remarked that the flakes had \u201ca nice fishy flavor\u201d and that the randomly-placed extraneous genes gave it \u201ca real kick. I didn\u2019t expect a single breakfast to be so abominably flavorful. The hair was a nice touch too.\u201d .Monsanto promptly ushered her outside. Jenny was unavailable for further comment. <\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s just good practice to have real people talk about your product, \u201d Chase said. \u201c. It\u2019s a shame most companies refuse to admit whether or not they even use the products we\u2019ve worked so hard to produce.\u201d<\/p>\n
Asked whether the cereal boxes would bear any official markings indicating their GMO status, Chase activated a smoke bomb and fled the room, leaving \u201cLAWSUIT PENDING\u201d burned into the floor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Alex Hearn Nov. 9, 2013 At this weekend\u2019s Grain and Cereal Convention, the Monsanto Company unveiled \u201cGM-O\u2019s,\u201d its flagship brand in a new line of genetically-modified breakfast cereals. \u201cWe at Monsanto are very disappointed with the lukewarm response of established breakfast cereal brands to our revolutionary biotechnological advancements,\u201d said Monica Chase, a Foodworks\u00ae representative for the multinational agribusiness. \u201cIt\u2019s time for the consumer to really understand and enjoy the science in their cereal.\u201d Consisting entirely of Round-Up Ready\u00ae Corn and Corn Syrup, GM-O\u2019s are \u201cgolden, delicious flakes that are the perfect marriage of agriculture, business, and flavor.\u201d Monsanto plans to release GM-O\u2019s with a full line of breakfast cereals, including \u201cWheat\u201dies, Transgenic Toast Crunch, and Frankenfruit Loops. The launch will also include Monsanto’s new mascot Bureaucrat Crunch, a high-ranking Dept. of Agriculture official whose commitment to responsible biotechnology is matched only by his commitment to kids having fun. \u201cHe also worked diligently at Monsanto for 15 years, so you can be sure he knows what he\u2019s talking about,\u201d said Chase. After the official announcement, Monsanto welcomed to the stage Jenny Carlson, a member of a focus group for the new cereal. She remarked that the flakes had \u201ca nice fishy flavor\u201d and that the randomly-placed extraneous genes gave it \u201ca real kick. I didn\u2019t expect a single breakfast to be so abominably flavorful. The hair was a nice touch too.\u201d .Monsanto promptly ushered her outside. Jenny was unavailable for further comment. \u201cIt\u2019s just good practice to have real people talk about your product, \u201d Chase said. \u201c. It\u2019s a shame most companies refuse to admit whether or not they even use the products we\u2019ve worked so hard to produce.\u201d Asked whether the cereal boxes would bear any official markings indicating their GMO status, Chase activated a smoke bomb and fled the room, leaving \u201cLAWSUIT PENDING\u201d burned into the floor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2247"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2247"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2247\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3280,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2247\/revisions\/3280"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2247"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2247"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2247"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}