<\/p>\n
Humanity has eagerly awaited God\u2019s book, 50 Shades of Yahweh,<\/em> since it was announced nearly 3000 years ago. But the world might not want to get its hopes up yet thoughyet, as sources tell us the book has gone through major changes during the trimillennial incubation period. One of the biggest changes, according to editor Moses, is the name. \u201cYeah,\u201d explains Moses. \u201cHe wasn\u2019t feeling the original title. It\u2019s just called Book<\/em> now.\u201d Asked about other changes in Book<\/em>, Moses said the original draft “just didn\u2019t convey the right message\u2026 Honestly, He set out to write a self-help book. Fashion and diet tips\u2014that kind of stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n The change has garnered criticism from local tribes, especially from women of post-childbearing age. These women, aged 25 and older, say they want “something to do in their old age.” Questioned about the comp\ufefflaints, Moses claimed to be unaware of God\u2019s plans. \u201cHe\u2019s joked about adding in some stories between the tips. Well, I think he\u2019s joking. What kind of name is Cain, anyway? Is his older brother named Novo or something?\u201d joked Moses nervously. \u201cOh, wait, that won\u2019t make any sense for a few thousand years.\u201d<\/p>\n God has confirmed that there are indeed stories in Book<\/em>. \u201cI just hope the main message isn\u2019t lost with the stories,\u201d tells God. The main message, of course, being peace and love among all His creations. God has noted that elements may be lost in translation. \u201cBook<\/em> is written in schizophrenic visions and translated into Hebrew. There\u2019s naturally going to be some screwups.\u201d Book<\/em> looks to be a story for the ages\u2013 find our review in the next issue.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Gus Schiff (1200 B.C.) Jan. 24, 2014 Humanity has eagerly awaited God\u2019s book, 50 Shades of Yahweh, since it was announced nearly 3000 years ago. But the world might not want to get its hopes up yet thoughyet, as sources tell us the book has gone through major changes during the trimillennial incubation period. One of the biggest changes, according to editor Moses, is the name. \u201cYeah,\u201d explains Moses. \u201cHe wasn\u2019t feeling the original title. It\u2019s just called Book now.\u201d Asked about other changes in Book, Moses said the original draft “just didn\u2019t convey the right message\u2026 Honestly, He set out to write a self-help book. Fashion and diet tips\u2014that kind of stuff.\u201d The change has garnered criticism from local tribes, especially from women of post-childbearing age. These women, aged 25 and older, say they want “something to do in their old age.” Questioned about the comp\ufefflaints, Moses claimed to be unaware of God\u2019s plans. \u201cHe\u2019s joked about adding in some stories between the tips. Well, I think he\u2019s joking. What kind of name is Cain, anyway? Is his older brother named Novo or something?\u201d joked Moses nervously. \u201cOh, wait, that won\u2019t make any sense for a few thousand years.\u201d God has confirmed that there are indeed stories in Book. \u201cI just hope the main message isn\u2019t lost with the stories,\u201d tells God. The main message, of course, being peace and love among all His creations. God has noted that elements may be lost in translation. \u201cBook is written in schizophrenic visions and translated into Hebrew. There\u2019s naturally going to be some screwups.\u201d Book looks to be a story for the ages\u2013 find our review in the next issue.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2216","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2216","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2216"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2216\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3249,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2216\/revisions\/3249"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2216"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2216"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2216"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}