<\/p>\n
Whales rallied throughout the ocean yesterday in protest against recent efforts on the part of ecologically sensitive sea mammals to \u201cSave the Patriarchy.\u201d Protesters wondered why the human patriarchy wasn\u2019t “capable of saving itself” from whale-imposed global warming and world domination. Said one demonstrator, \u201cThe human patriarchy still rules, like, 30 percent of the earth or something. If they actually tried to have more power, they\u2019d have it.\u201d <\/p>\n
Human-patriarchy-loving whale Madame Whaleness countered that \u201cclearly, as water mammals, we don\u2019t understand their struggles as members of the human patriarchy. We have too much privilege as whales, and we really ought to check it. Repeatedly. Seriously, never swim around without checking your privilege first. Including you, Ms. Reporter. You\u2019re not part of the patriarchy. You can\u2019t possibly comprehend their struggles. Don\u2019t give me that land mammal gaze look of anti-patriarchal judgment, human woman!\u201d<\/p>\n
Whale protesters remain unconvinced by evidence demonstrating the human patriarchy\u2019s inability to survive in the water, or the deep psychological damage of “the water mammal gaze.” One blog post by a member of the human patriarchal community reads, \u201cGlazed whale puts a funny taste in my mouth. Japanese grocers really shouldn\u2019t sell this stuff.\u201d Madame Whaleness and her counterparts would like to note that \u201cglazed whale\u201d is obviously a typo of \u201cwhale gaze.\u201d. Much of the human patriarchy has received inadequate instruction from second-rate academic institutions such as Northwestern University for generations, caught at the intersection of liberal arts and excessive air breathing. Protesters against the pro-human-patriarchy whales remain unsympathetic, stating that it is the humans’own responsibility toapply to better institutions “such as Hawaii Pacific University.” Despite the heated nature of the debate can be, both sides conceded that the Atlantic Whale gaze was an incurable problem, because everyone knows Atlantic Whales are all a bunch of racists.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Mary Vansuch Feb. 20, 2014 Whales rallied throughout the ocean yesterday in protest against recent efforts on the part of ecologically sensitive sea mammals to \u201cSave the Patriarchy.\u201d Protesters wondered why the human patriarchy wasn\u2019t “capable of saving itself” from whale-imposed global warming and world domination. Said one demonstrator, \u201cThe human patriarchy still rules, like, 30 percent of the earth or something. If they actually tried to have more power, they\u2019d have it.\u201d Human-patriarchy-loving whale Madame Whaleness countered that \u201cclearly, as water mammals, we don\u2019t understand their struggles as members of the human patriarchy. We have too much privilege as whales, and we really ought to check it. Repeatedly. Seriously, never swim around without checking your privilege first. Including you, Ms. Reporter. You\u2019re not part of the patriarchy. You can\u2019t possibly comprehend their struggles. Don\u2019t give me that land mammal gaze look of anti-patriarchal judgment, human woman!\u201d Whale protesters remain unconvinced by evidence demonstrating the human patriarchy\u2019s inability to survive in the water, or the deep psychological damage of “the water mammal gaze.” One blog post by a member of the human patriarchal community reads, \u201cGlazed whale puts a funny taste in my mouth. Japanese grocers really shouldn\u2019t sell this stuff.\u201d Madame Whaleness and her counterparts would like to note that \u201cglazed whale\u201d is obviously a typo of \u201cwhale gaze.\u201d. Much of the human patriarchy has received inadequate instruction from second-rate academic institutions such as Northwestern University for generations, caught at the intersection of liberal arts and excessive air breathing. Protesters against the pro-human-patriarchy whales remain unsympathetic, stating that it is the humans’own responsibility toapply to better institutions “such as Hawaii Pacific University.” Despite the heated nature of the debate can be, both sides conceded that the Atlantic Whale gaze was an incurable problem, because everyone knows Atlantic Whales are all a bunch of racists.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2206","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2206","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2206"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2206\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3239,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2206\/revisions\/3239"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2206"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2206"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2206"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}