<\/p>\n
The editorial staff of The Chicago Shady Dealer<\/i> is innocent, the balance of evidence suggests.\tThe evidence, which is largely circumstantial, hinges on an unprovable assertion that the high-caliber satirical magazine\u2019s entire editorial staff was located behind the Logan Center for the Arts between 10:50 and 11:30 p.m., when the guy was last seen by a friend.\t<\/p>\n
A bloodied shovel labelled with the name, address, and Social Security Number of Chicago Shady Dealer<\/i> Editor-in-Chief James Ekstrom could have been acquired \u201cany old way,\u201d said Chicago Shady Dealer<\/i> Editor-in-Chief James Ekstrom. \u201cSure, I own a shovel. Lots of people own a shovel.\u201d Knowledgeable sources have likewise attributed the discovery bullets stenciled with the name of every Shady Dealer<\/i> staff writer to coincidence. \u201cYeah, my piece disappeared last week,\u201d said cherubic, sweet-faced Chicago Shady Dealer managing editor Matthew Goldenberg. \u201cIt was hot, so I didn\u2019t make any noise with the five-o.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tell-tale tracks of mud on his remaining foot suggest the guy, who didn\u2019t even have any family, probably tripped and fell into a ditch full of bullets. The Chicago Police Department\u2019s Forensics Unit, universally derided as America\u2019s most incompetent, concedes that its analysis is \u201cpreliminary.\u201d\t<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re clearly [innocent],\u201d alleged Chicago Police Department Captain Charles \u201cChuck\u201d Powers at a press conference. \u201cIn fact, this is one of the most blatantly [misleading] cases we\u2019ve seen in some time. Even our most seasoned homicide detectives were shocked by the brutality [with which The Shady Dealer\u2019s staff was falsely accused].\u201d<\/p>\n
\tSaid Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, \u201cThe staff of this so-called publication obviously–\u201c We\u2019re out of room! Well, until next year \u2013 Editorial StaffThe Chicago Shady Dealer<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Daniel Moattar May 14, 2014 The editorial staff of The Chicago Shady Dealer is innocent, the balance of evidence suggests. The evidence, which is largely circumstantial, hinges on an unprovable assertion that the high-caliber satirical magazine\u2019s entire editorial staff was located behind the Logan Center for the Arts between 10:50 and 11:30 p.m., when the guy was last seen by a friend. A bloodied shovel labelled with the name, address, and Social Security Number of Chicago Shady Dealer Editor-in-Chief James Ekstrom could have been acquired \u201cany old way,\u201d said Chicago Shady Dealer Editor-in-Chief James Ekstrom. \u201cSure, I own a shovel. Lots of people own a shovel.\u201d Knowledgeable sources have likewise attributed the discovery bullets stenciled with the name of every Shady Dealer staff writer to coincidence. \u201cYeah, my piece disappeared last week,\u201d said cherubic, sweet-faced Chicago Shady Dealer managing editor Matthew Goldenberg. \u201cIt was hot, so I didn\u2019t make any noise with the five-o.\u201d Tell-tale tracks of mud on his remaining foot suggest the guy, who didn\u2019t even have any family, probably tripped and fell into a ditch full of bullets. The Chicago Police Department\u2019s Forensics Unit, universally derided as America\u2019s most incompetent, concedes that its analysis is \u201cpreliminary.\u201d \u201cThey\u2019re clearly [innocent],\u201d alleged Chicago Police Department Captain Charles \u201cChuck\u201d Powers at a press conference. \u201cIn fact, this is one of the most blatantly [misleading] cases we\u2019ve seen in some time. Even our most seasoned homicide detectives were shocked by the brutality [with which The Shady Dealer\u2019s staff was falsely accused].\u201d Said Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, \u201cThe staff of this so-called publication obviously–\u201c We\u2019re out of room! Well, until next year \u2013 Editorial StaffThe Chicago Shady Dealer<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2163"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2163"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2163\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3196,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2163\/revisions\/3196"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2163"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2163"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2163"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}