<\/p>\n
A Chicago Shady Dealer<\/em> exclusive investigation has revealed that the beloved Halloween treat is neither candy nor corn. <\/p>\n The classic late-October treat was exposed as an outright fraud by numerous inquiries to factories throughout the state of Illinois, as well as chemical analysis.<\/p>\n The <\/i>Dealer<\/em> conducted multiple interviews with personnel at several levels on the candy corn manufacturing chain \u2013 from assembly line workers to the President of a major candy corn concern. What follow are relevant transcripts from some of those interviews.<\/p>\n The Dealer<\/em> sat down with Patrick O\u2019Mulligan, a candy-corn assembly line worker in downstate Illinois.<\/p>\n Chicago Shady Dealer<\/em>: \u201cWhat\u2019s up, bruh?\u201d<\/p>\n Patrick O\u2019Mulligan<\/em>: \u201cJust \u2018laxin.\u201d<\/p>\n CSD<\/em>: \u201cYo, that\u2019s chill.\u201d<\/p>\n Patrick<\/em>: \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n CSD<\/em>: \u201cDescribe, if you would, a normal day at work for you.\u201d<\/p>\n Pat<\/em>: \u201cI clock in at seven, get dressed and get to the floor around 7:15.\u201d<\/p>\n CSD<\/em>: \u201cGet dressed?\u201d<\/p>\n Rick<\/em>: \u201cWe have to wear protective suits, or else we\u2019ll get radiation poisoning.\u201d<\/p>\n CSD<\/em>: \u201cCandy corn is radioactive?\u201d<\/p>\n Mully<\/em>: \u201cUm \u2026 have you tried it?\u201d<\/p>\n In addition, <\/i>The Dealer<\/i> secured an interview with Cassius Mantle, President and CEO of KandyKornKompany, the Midwest’s largest candy corn producer.<\/p>\n CSD<\/em>: \u201cGood afternoon, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n Cassius Mantle<\/em>: \u201cPlease. Call me Sir Cassius.\u201d<\/p>\n CSD: <\/em>\u201cAre you willing, right now, on the record, to tell The Chicago Shady Dealer<\/i> what candy corn is made of?\u201d<\/p>\n Sir Cassius Mantle<\/em>: \u201cCandy corn is a family treat. A wholesome snack. A downright American dessert. We here at KandyKornKompany\u2122 are devoted to rendering children chaste and smiling. But I do have a confession to make \u2013 the name is a misnomer. Candy corn \u2026 it just tested well in marketing. But it\u2019s not candy. It\u2019s not corn.\u201d<\/p>\n CSD<\/em>: \u201cWhat \u2026 what is it?\u201d<\/p>\n Sir Cassius Mantle IV<\/em>: \u201cIt is life. It is love. It is happiness. It is everything you\u2019ve ever wanted and more. Submit to it. Submit to the candy corn. All hail the candy. All hail the corn.\u201d<\/p>\n CSD<\/em>: \u201cAll hail the candy. All hail the corn.\u201d<\/p>\n Sir Cassius Mantle IV and CSD<\/em>: \u201cAll hail the candy. All hail the corn. All hail the candy. All hail the corn. ALL HAIL THE CANDY. ALL HAIL THE CORN.\u201d<\/p>\n At press time, you are a godless infidel who must submit to the one true candy. The one true corn.<\/p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Evan Bernstein Oct. 21, 2014 A Chicago Shady Dealer exclusive investigation has revealed that the beloved Halloween treat is neither candy nor corn. The classic late-October treat was exposed as an outright fraud by numerous inquiries to factories throughout the state of Illinois, as well as chemical analysis. The Dealer conducted multiple interviews with personnel at several levels on the candy corn manufacturing chain \u2013 from assembly line workers to the President of a major candy corn concern. What follow are relevant transcripts from some of those interviews. The Dealer sat down with Patrick O\u2019Mulligan, a candy-corn assembly line worker in downstate Illinois. Chicago Shady Dealer: \u201cWhat\u2019s up, bruh?\u201d Patrick O\u2019Mulligan: \u201cJust \u2018laxin.\u201d CSD: \u201cYo, that\u2019s chill.\u201d Patrick: \u201cYeah.\u201d CSD: \u201cDescribe, if you would, a normal day at work for you.\u201d Pat: \u201cI clock in at seven, get dressed and get to the floor around 7:15.\u201d CSD: \u201cGet dressed?\u201d Rick: \u201cWe have to wear protective suits, or else we\u2019ll get radiation poisoning.\u201d CSD: \u201cCandy corn is radioactive?\u201d Mully: \u201cUm \u2026 have you tried it?\u201d In addition, The Dealer secured an interview with Cassius Mantle, President and CEO of KandyKornKompany, the Midwest’s largest candy corn producer. CSD: \u201cGood afternoon, sir.\u201d Cassius Mantle: \u201cPlease. Call me Sir Cassius.\u201d CSD: \u201cAre you willing, right now, on the record, to tell The Chicago Shady Dealer what candy corn is made of?\u201d Sir Cassius Mantle: \u201cCandy corn is a family treat. A wholesome snack. A downright American dessert. We here at KandyKornKompany\u2122 are devoted to rendering children chaste and smiling. But I do have a confession to make \u2013 the name is a misnomer. Candy corn \u2026 it just tested well in marketing. But it\u2019s not candy. It\u2019s not corn.\u201d CSD: \u201cWhat \u2026 what is it?\u201d Sir Cassius Mantle IV: \u201cIt is life. It is love. It is happiness. It is everything you\u2019ve ever wanted and more. Submit to it. Submit to the candy corn. All hail the candy. All hail the corn.\u201d CSD: \u201cAll hail the candy. All hail the corn.\u201d Sir Cassius Mantle IV and CSD: \u201cAll hail the candy. All hail the corn. All hail the candy. All hail the corn. ALL HAIL THE CANDY. ALL HAIL THE CORN.\u201d At press time, you are a godless infidel who must submit to the one true candy. The one true corn.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2152"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2152"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2152\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3185,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2152\/revisions\/3185"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2152"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2152"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2152"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}