<\/p>\n
Second-year Janotta House resident Devlin Ryder has successfully acquired the most fuckable personality at the University of Chicago. After spending all summer learning to hand-roll sushi and practicing photography in New Mexico, Ryder decided to \u201cgo all the way.\u201d Since his return to campus, he has acquired a taste for classic hip-hop and developed what he referred to as \u201cmad skills\u201d on the slap bass, forcing all who know him to acquire a taste for Ryder. <\/p>\n
\tA casual participant of most RSOs, he is noted for being very accomplished but not too stressed out.<\/p>\n
When his housemates were asked for comment about Ryder’s appeal, the other Janotta residents described him as: \u201creally frickin’ cool,\u201d \u201cnice- smelling,\u201d \u201ckind and funny,\u201d and \u201cneat.\u201d Third-year Melinda Sterso told us on condition of anonymity that Ryder is \u201capproachable and engaging, and I\u2019d totally fuck him for the conversation we\u2019d have over the breakfast. I’m sure he would cook the morning after.\u201d <\/p>\n
\tThe Dealer<\/i> sat down with Ryder in his well-postered room to ask just how he managed to make his personality transcend the realm of likability to reach fuckability. <\/p>\n
Chicago Shady Dealer: \u201cJust how did you transcend likability and reach the realm of fuckability?\u201d<\/p>\n
Devlin Ryder: \u201cNot everybody has the looks or smarts to compete these days, so I decided to change whatever I could to level the playing field. \u201c<\/p>\n
CSD: \u201cHey\u2026 I like your sports metaphors, do you follow any team in particular?\u201d<\/p>\n
DR: \u201cI don\u2019t like taking sides in conflicts, it\u2019s about enjoying the game with friends\u201d<\/p>\n
CSD: \u201cWow\u2026 that\u2019s really cool of you\u2026. Um… Anyway, How did you go about making this change?\u201d<\/p>\n
DR: \u201cI started by burning subtle amounts of incense in my room, and after a while I learned to make it myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
CSD: \u201cIs that what that smell is? It\u2019s\u2026 it\u2019s divine\u2026 uhh sorry, let me find my next question here\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
DR: \u201cYou seem stressed\u2026 Is everything okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
CSD: \u201cI have a deadline coming up and a SOSC paper due next week, but it\u2019s okay, I\u2019ll manage.\u201d<\/p>\n
DR: \u201cIf you want me to look at any drafts, or if you just need someone to talk to, I\u2019m here. You know what? Let\u2019s relax some more, let me put on some ska.\u201d<\/p>\n
CSD: \u201cThat\u2019s got a nice groove, where\u2019d you get that record player?\u201d<\/p>\n
DR: \u201cI found it while I was foraging for truffles last summer. I spent the better part of an afternoon re-varnishing the wood and engraving a poem I wrote into it.” <\/p>\n
CSD: \u201cDo you have a condom?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tThe Dealer would like to apologize for not having transcribed the remaining portion of this interview. It was accepted for publication elsewhere, at the website uchicagofantasy.fuckmedevlinryder.com. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Dan Lastres Nov. 17, 2014 Second-year Janotta House resident Devlin Ryder has successfully acquired the most fuckable personality at the University of Chicago. After spending all summer learning to hand-roll sushi and practicing photography in New Mexico, Ryder decided to \u201cgo all the way.\u201d Since his return to campus, he has acquired a taste for classic hip-hop and developed what he referred to as \u201cmad skills\u201d on the slap bass, forcing all who know him to acquire a taste for Ryder. A casual participant of most RSOs, he is noted for being very accomplished but not too stressed out. When his housemates were asked for comment about Ryder’s appeal, the other Janotta residents described him as: \u201creally frickin’ cool,\u201d \u201cnice- smelling,\u201d \u201ckind and funny,\u201d and \u201cneat.\u201d Third-year Melinda Sterso told us on condition of anonymity that Ryder is \u201capproachable and engaging, and I\u2019d totally fuck him for the conversation we\u2019d have over the breakfast. I’m sure he would cook the morning after.\u201d The Dealer sat down with Ryder in his well-postered room to ask just how he managed to make his personality transcend the realm of likability to reach fuckability. Chicago Shady Dealer: \u201cJust how did you transcend likability and reach the realm of fuckability?\u201d Devlin Ryder: \u201cNot everybody has the looks or smarts to compete these days, so I decided to change whatever I could to level the playing field. \u201c CSD: \u201cHey\u2026 I like your sports metaphors, do you follow any team in particular?\u201d DR: \u201cI don\u2019t like taking sides in conflicts, it\u2019s about enjoying the game with friends\u201d CSD: \u201cWow\u2026 that\u2019s really cool of you\u2026. Um… Anyway, How did you go about making this change?\u201d DR: \u201cI started by burning subtle amounts of incense in my room, and after a while I learned to make it myself.\u201d CSD: \u201cIs that what that smell is? It\u2019s\u2026 it\u2019s divine\u2026 uhh sorry, let me find my next question here\u2026\u201d DR: \u201cYou seem stressed\u2026 Is everything okay?\u201d CSD: \u201cI have a deadline coming up and a SOSC paper due next week, but it\u2019s okay, I\u2019ll manage.\u201d DR: \u201cIf you want me to look at any drafts, or if you just need someone to talk to, I\u2019m here. You know what? Let\u2019s relax some more, let me put on some ska.\u201d CSD: \u201cThat\u2019s got a nice groove, where\u2019d you get that record player?\u201d DR: \u201cI found it while I was foraging for truffles last summer. I spent the better part of an afternoon re-varnishing the wood and engraving a poem I wrote into it.” CSD: \u201cDo you have a condom?\u201d The Dealer would like to apologize for not having transcribed the remaining portion of this interview. It was accepted for publication elsewhere, at the website uchicagofantasy.fuckmedevlinryder.com.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2119"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2119"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2119\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3152,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2119\/revisions\/3152"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2119"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2119"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2119"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}