<\/p>\n
Times Editor Seeks Ways to Maintain National Interest in School Shooting<\/strong><\/p>\n Sources close to the paper reported Friday that New York Times<\/em> editor Dean Baquet was struggling to make the death of Andrew Fryman, the fifth casualty of the Washington school shooting, \u201cengaging\u201d for his audience. <\/p>\n According to his secretary, Martin Foster, Baquet stayed up \u201call night\u201d deciding whether readers would be more engaged by the story of the quintuple homicide committed by the fourteen-year-old\u2019s classmate if it were accompanied by a photo of Fryman in a letterman jacket or one of him at his eighth-grade graduation.<\/p>\n \u201cDean bolted out of his office at four a.m., asking for an info-graphic that could sum up [the victim\u2019s] two week hospitalization,\u201d Foster confirmed. \u201cApparently people love info-graphics.\u201d<\/p>\n Hillary Clinton Named New Delta Tau Delta Sweetheart<\/strong><\/p>\n According to sources close to Delta Tau Delta, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has been chosen as the newest Delta Tau Delta Sweetheart. <\/p>\n \u201cWe are very excited to add Hill to our lineup of ladies. We feel that her experience as First Lady will help us make rush sick this year,\u201d the chapter\u2019s president added.<\/p>\n A source from Secretary Clinton\u2019s staff, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told The Dealer<\/em>, <\/em>\u201cThis journey began almost immediately after Secretary Clinton\u2019s resignation. She felt that her experience mediating international conflicts could really be of use while navigating the complex world of Pan-Hellenic relations at UChicago. So she put together an exploratory committee, and here we are.\u201d<\/p>\n The source also said that Mrs. Clinton was currently searching for her best pair of \u201cfuck me\u201d heels. <\/p>\n More as this story of dreams develops.<\/strong><\/p>\n Researchers Seek to Understand What is Wrong With Loretta Lynch<\/strong><\/p>\n Researchers across the nation have been awarded over three million dollars in grant money to identify the reason that Loretta E. Lynch is totally unfit to be the next Attorney General, Congressional Research Service officials announced last week.<\/p>\n \u201cDiscovering the damning skeleton in Lynch\u2019s closet is one of the major unsolved problems of modern political science,\u201d said Senator Jeff Sessions, at a press conference. \u201cMoreover, the nature of her major character flaw or embarrassing past incidents will have sweeping consequences in both theoretical and applied obstructionism, not to mention in the sound bites I\u2019ll utter during her confirmation hearings.\u201d<\/p>\n Experts agreed that the task set by the CRS was a challenging and worthy problem for the political science community. <\/p>\n \u201cPrevious Obama nominees have been obvious partisan hacks, or have clearly expressed views in concordance with Obama\u2019s terrible policies, or have been nominated to lead agencies that shouldn\u2019t even exist,\u201d noted UChicago political scientist William Howell. \u201cBut Loretta Lynch\u2014her flaw has so far resisted identification by even the best of the best. A grad student who solved this one would get a Ph.D. on the spot.\u201d<\/p>\n In response to news that some of the research funds had been awarded to UChicago professors, Provost Eric D. Isaacs said in a statement, \u201cThe University of Chicago is proud to be part of the nationwide quest to isolate the flaw in Loretta Lynch, and we hope that our values of rigorous inquiry and free expression will robustly contribute to this important project.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Chicago Shady Dealer Nov. 19, 2014 Times Editor Seeks Ways to Maintain National Interest in School Shooting Sources close to the paper reported Friday that New York Times editor Dean Baquet was struggling to make the death of Andrew Fryman, the fifth casualty of the Washington school shooting, \u201cengaging\u201d for his audience. According to his secretary, Martin Foster, Baquet stayed up \u201call night\u201d deciding whether readers would be more engaged by the story of the quintuple homicide committed by the fourteen-year-old\u2019s classmate if it were accompanied by a photo of Fryman in a letterman jacket or one of him at his eighth-grade graduation. \u201cDean bolted out of his office at four a.m., asking for an info-graphic that could sum up [the victim\u2019s] two week hospitalization,\u201d Foster confirmed. \u201cApparently people love info-graphics.\u201d Hillary Clinton Named New Delta Tau Delta Sweetheart According to sources close to Delta Tau Delta, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has been chosen as the newest Delta Tau Delta Sweetheart. \u201cWe are very excited to add Hill to our lineup of ladies. We feel that her experience as First Lady will help us make rush sick this year,\u201d the chapter\u2019s president added. A source from Secretary Clinton\u2019s staff, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told The Dealer, \u201cThis journey began almost immediately after Secretary Clinton\u2019s resignation. She felt that her experience mediating international conflicts could really be of use while navigating the complex world of Pan-Hellenic relations at UChicago. So she put together an exploratory committee, and here we are.\u201d The source also said that Mrs. Clinton was currently searching for her best pair of \u201cfuck me\u201d heels. More as this story of dreams develops. Researchers Seek to Understand What is Wrong With Loretta Lynch Researchers across the nation have been awarded over three million dollars in grant money to identify the reason that Loretta E. Lynch is totally unfit to be the next Attorney General, Congressional Research Service officials announced last week. \u201cDiscovering the damning skeleton in Lynch\u2019s closet is one of the major unsolved problems of modern political science,\u201d said Senator Jeff Sessions, at a press conference. \u201cMoreover, the nature of her major character flaw or embarrassing past incidents will have sweeping consequences in both theoretical and applied obstructionism, not to mention in the sound bites I\u2019ll utter during her confirmation hearings.\u201d Experts agreed that the task set by the CRS was a challenging and worthy problem for the political science community. \u201cPrevious Obama nominees have been obvious partisan hacks, or have clearly expressed views in concordance with Obama\u2019s terrible policies, or have been nominated to lead agencies that shouldn\u2019t even exist,\u201d noted UChicago political scientist William Howell. \u201cBut Loretta Lynch\u2014her flaw has so far resisted identification by even the best of the best. A grad student who solved this one would get a Ph.D. on the spot.\u201d In response to news that some of the research funds had been awarded to UChicago professors, Provost Eric D. Isaacs said in a statement, \u201cThe University of Chicago is proud to be part of the nationwide quest to isolate the flaw in Loretta Lynch, and we hope that our values of rigorous inquiry and free expression will robustly contribute to this important project.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2111","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2111","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2111"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2111\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3144,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2111\/revisions\/3144"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2111"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2111"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2111"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}