<\/p>\n
NEW YORK November 19, 2159<\/p>\n
On Tuesday, Person <\/em>(n\u00e9e People<\/em>) Magazine<\/em> awarded Juwan Murphy, the sole survivor of the nuclear holocaust of 2158, the title of \u201cSexiest Man Alive\u201d for 2159. Previous winners have included Denzel Washington, Ben Affleck, and the cyborg actor HANK-3050.<\/p>\n Upon being informed of his nomination, Murphy reportedly thought the award was a joke, later telling the magazine that, should he encounter another human being, he expects to be \u201cteased quite a bit\u201d about the recognition.<\/p>\n Asked how he stays so thin, the former Staten Island native extolled the virtues of a disciplined diet and exercise, explaining that his daily battles with the six foot cockroaches that scurry through the desiccated husk of Western civilization have provide him with at least two hours of cardio daily. <\/p>\n Juwan also told Person<\/em> that he prefers to sleep without pajamas, he’s memorized the first chapter of James Thurber\u2019s The 13 Clocks<\/em>, and he cries nightly recollecting the tortured screams of his loved ones as they perished in last year’s apocalyptic fire. <\/p>\n Murphy is currently single after 17 years of marriage to his high-school sweetheart. Better act quickly, ladies! Men like this don\u2019t stay on the market for long.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Si Squires-Kasten Feb. 1, 2015 NEW YORK November 19, 2159 On Tuesday, Person (n\u00e9e People) Magazine awarded Juwan Murphy, the sole survivor of the nuclear holocaust of 2158, the title of \u201cSexiest Man Alive\u201d for 2159. Previous winners have included Denzel Washington, Ben Affleck, and the cyborg actor HANK-3050. Upon being informed of his nomination, Murphy reportedly thought the award was a joke, later telling the magazine that, should he encounter another human being, he expects to be \u201cteased quite a bit\u201d about the recognition. Asked how he stays so thin, the former Staten Island native extolled the virtues of a disciplined diet and exercise, explaining that his daily battles with the six foot cockroaches that scurry through the desiccated husk of Western civilization have provide him with at least two hours of cardio daily. Juwan also told Person that he prefers to sleep without pajamas, he’s memorized the first chapter of James Thurber\u2019s The 13 Clocks, and he cries nightly recollecting the tortured screams of his loved ones as they perished in last year’s apocalyptic fire. Murphy is currently single after 17 years of marriage to his high-school sweetheart. Better act quickly, ladies! Men like this don\u2019t stay on the market for long.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2085"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2085"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2085\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3118,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2085\/revisions\/3118"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2085"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2085"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2085"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}