<\/p>\n
In a statement released this morning, roommate Charles confirmed that the deep storehouse of grocery bags located under the kitchen sink is well-stocked and will remain so for the foreseeable future. <\/p>\n
Charles, also known as the roommate who has never even tried to use a reusable grocery bag, added two THANK YOU-covered plastic bags to the reserves this morning after purchasing his usual haul of Pop Tarts and a small jar of extra crunchy peanut butter. After violently compressing the ample stock of plastic bags so that the cabinet door would close, Charles announced in a loud official statement that “should the apartment ever need a disposable plastic bag, we have them. We have bags galore!”<\/p>\n
The written statement that accompanied Charles\u2019 speech was afixed with a magnet to the refrigerator, where Charles also stores his Pop Tarts, for some reason. \u201cOur apartment stands on a firm foundation in relation to any plastic bag-related contingencies, imaginable and unimaginable,\u201d Charles wrote, wiping the sweat from his brow with a plastic bag, \u201cWe live in a time of surplus. We have nothing to fear but holes.\u201d <\/p>\n
When reached for comment, the other residents, Julie and Ahmed, expressed relief and even a little bit of pride. \u201cOh, plastic bags? Great. We could use them to pick up dog shit, if we had a dog.\u201d <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Chris Deakin Feb. 1, 2015 In a statement released this morning, roommate Charles confirmed that the deep storehouse of grocery bags located under the kitchen sink is well-stocked and will remain so for the foreseeable future. Charles, also known as the roommate who has never even tried to use a reusable grocery bag, added two THANK YOU-covered plastic bags to the reserves this morning after purchasing his usual haul of Pop Tarts and a small jar of extra crunchy peanut butter. After violently compressing the ample stock of plastic bags so that the cabinet door would close, Charles announced in a loud official statement that “should the apartment ever need a disposable plastic bag, we have them. We have bags galore!” The written statement that accompanied Charles\u2019 speech was afixed with a magnet to the refrigerator, where Charles also stores his Pop Tarts, for some reason. \u201cOur apartment stands on a firm foundation in relation to any plastic bag-related contingencies, imaginable and unimaginable,\u201d Charles wrote, wiping the sweat from his brow with a plastic bag, \u201cWe live in a time of surplus. We have nothing to fear but holes.\u201d When reached for comment, the other residents, Julie and Ahmed, expressed relief and even a little bit of pride. \u201cOh, plastic bags? Great. We could use them to pick up dog shit, if we had a dog.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2078"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2078"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2078\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3111,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2078\/revisions\/3111"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2078"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2078"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2078"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}