<\/p>\n
Aquarium: Your soul mate was born today. Pervert.<\/p>\n
Pieces: Turn left in 0.5 miles. Your destination will be on the right. Keep an eye out for stop signs, pedestrians, red lights, green lights, and yellow lights. <\/p>\n
Virgin: No changes here.<\/p>\n
Lymphoma: Wait, nobody told you? Shit, man. You don\u2019t want to know.<\/p>\n
Subreddit: This isn\u2019t a good day to start anything new. But that\u2019s what you always tell yourself, isn\u2019t it? Be careful about voicing your opinions or the NSA might hear you and kidnap your family. <\/p>\n
Candy Corn: If you wear baggy shorts, maybe nobody will notice.<\/p>\n
Brian: Do not remove plastic wrapping. Microwave for four minutes. <\/p>\n
Zodiac: You\u2019ll feel reservedly outgoing today. This is a good weekend to assassinate Putin, but stay cautious, because Mercury is in a superposition of retrograde and non-retrograde. <\/p>\n
Librarian: You will shake your hair out from your bun a million times. True love comes but once. <\/p>\n
Tautomer: A loved one is thinking about you. They want to pop the zit on your face. It\u2019s driving them crazy. Hold still for like two seconds.<\/p>\n
Jazzercise: You! Might! Die!<\/p>\n
If your birthday is today: Happy Birthday.<\/p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Zelda April 27, 2015 Aquarium: Your soul mate was born today. Pervert. Pieces: Turn left in 0.5 miles. Your destination will be on the right. Keep an eye out for stop signs, pedestrians, red lights, green lights, and yellow lights. Virgin: No changes here. Lymphoma: Wait, nobody told you? Shit, man. You don\u2019t want to know. Subreddit: This isn\u2019t a good day to start anything new. But that\u2019s what you always tell yourself, isn\u2019t it? Be careful about voicing your opinions or the NSA might hear you and kidnap your family. Candy Corn: If you wear baggy shorts, maybe nobody will notice. Brian: Do not remove plastic wrapping. Microwave for four minutes. Zodiac: You\u2019ll feel reservedly outgoing today. This is a good weekend to assassinate Putin, but stay cautious, because Mercury is in a superposition of retrograde and non-retrograde. Librarian: You will shake your hair out from your bun a million times. True love comes but once. Tautomer: A loved one is thinking about you. They want to pop the zit on your face. It\u2019s driving them crazy. Hold still for like two seconds. Jazzercise: You! Might! Die! If your birthday is today: Happy Birthday.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2040"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2040"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2040\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3073,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2040\/revisions\/3073"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2040"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2040"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2040"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}