{"id":2035,"date":"2013-03-16T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-03-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/35.224.237.165\/index.php\/2019\/02\/25\/restaurant-patron-haunted-by-what-could-have-been\/"},"modified":"2019-02-26T04:59:22","modified_gmt":"2019-02-25T21:59:22","slug":"restaurant-patron-haunted-by-what-could-have-been","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2013\/03\/16\/restaurant-patron-haunted-by-what-could-have-been\/","title":{"rendered":"Restaurant Patron Haunted by What Could Have Been"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"<\/p>\n

By Morgan Pantuck<\/a><\/h6>\n
May 26, 2015<\/h6>\n<\/p>\n

According to insider reports, 35-year old Gregory Sheppard, who recently dined at an Olive Garden restaurant with his girlfriend, experienced intense feelings of regret and loss when he glanced over at a nearby table and saw another man begin to consume a spicy steak sandwich.<\/insert><\/p>\n

\u201cOh man,\u201d Sheppard commented, while watching his fellow patron ingesting the daily special, of which he was previously unaware. \u201cThat looks really good.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

\u201cDo you see that?\u201d Sheppard asked his disinterested girlfriend, who was viewing the Snapchat application on her phone. He continued, despite her lack of response: \u201cI definitely should\u2019ve gotten that instead of the salmon burger.\u201d <\/insert><\/p>\n

Although Sheppard attempted to shake off his dissatisfaction, the Best Buy Manager and father of two fell into an increasingly somber mood during the rest of his dining experience. \u201cI just didn\u2019t know it was an option,\u201d Sheppard explained, gloomily inserting a handful of French fries into his mouth. \u201cWho knows how much happier I might have been, had I made a different choice?\u201d <\/insert><\/p>\n

\u201cI hate this salmon burger,\u201d he added, while grimacing and attempting to hold back tears. \u201cI hate it so goddamn much.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

Experts postulate that Greg will require years of therapy in order to free himself from this source of profound alienation and overcome his fixation on the past. Meanwhile, the Dealer<\/em> has been having a fascinating Snapchat exchange with Greg\u2019s girlfriend, who goes by the username \u201cSamiiiiB.\u201d At press time, the Dealer<\/em> sent Sami an image of themselves making a silly face accompanied by the text \u201clol greg is so lame\u201d and a poopface emoji. <\/insert><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Morgan Pantuck May 26, 2015 According to insider reports, 35-year old Gregory Sheppard, who recently dined at an Olive Garden restaurant with his girlfriend, experienced intense feelings of regret and loss when he glanced over at a nearby table and saw another man begin to consume a spicy steak sandwich. \u201cOh man,\u201d Sheppard commented, while watching his fellow patron ingesting the daily special, of which he was previously unaware. \u201cThat looks really good.\u201d \u201cDo you see that?\u201d Sheppard asked his disinterested girlfriend, who was viewing the Snapchat application on her phone. He continued, despite her lack of response: \u201cI definitely should\u2019ve gotten that instead of the salmon burger.\u201d Although Sheppard attempted to shake off his dissatisfaction, the Best Buy Manager and father of two fell into an increasingly somber mood during the rest of his dining experience. \u201cI just didn\u2019t know it was an option,\u201d Sheppard explained, gloomily inserting a handful of French fries into his mouth. \u201cWho knows how much happier I might have been, had I made a different choice?\u201d \u201cI hate this salmon burger,\u201d he added, while grimacing and attempting to hold back tears. \u201cI hate it so goddamn much.\u201d Experts postulate that Greg will require years of therapy in order to free himself from this source of profound alienation and overcome his fixation on the past. Meanwhile, the Dealer has been having a fascinating Snapchat exchange with Greg\u2019s girlfriend, who goes by the username \u201cSamiiiiB.\u201d At press time, the Dealer sent Sami an image of themselves making a silly face accompanied by the text \u201clol greg is so lame\u201d and a poopface emoji.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2035"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2035"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2035\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3068,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2035\/revisions\/3068"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2035"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2035"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2035"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}