{"id":2034,"date":"2013-03-16T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-03-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/35.224.237.165\/index.php\/2019\/02\/25\/an-exclusive-interview-with-my-least-favorite-neighbor\/"},"modified":"2019-02-26T04:59:22","modified_gmt":"2019-02-25T21:59:22","slug":"an-exclusive-interview-with-my-least-favorite-neighbor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2013\/03\/16\/an-exclusive-interview-with-my-least-favorite-neighbor\/","title":{"rendered":"An Exclusive Interview with My Least Favorite Neighbor"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"<\/p>\n

By Milena Pross<\/a><\/h6>\n
May 26, 2015<\/h6>\n<\/p>\n

n Exclusive Interview with my Least Favorite Neighbor<\/delete><\/insert>You waited months and months, and <\/em>The Chicago Shady Dealer finally got hold of him. I sat down with none other than Bennett\u2014<\/insert>, who is <\/delete>by far my worst neighbor,<\/insert> and the reason I avoid ever checking the mail. He collects toy horses and won\u2019t shut up about his one <\/insert>trip to Spain that one time<\/delete>.<\/em><\/insert><\/p>\n

Interviewer: Milena Pross<\/i>, <\/i>Chicago<\/insert> of The<\/delete> Shady Dealer<\/insert><\/p>\n

Interviewee: Bennett, the human compost bin who lives down the street from me<\/em><\/insert>Interview <\/delete><\/em><\/insert><\/p>\n

Setting: A driveway equidistant from both of<\/insert> our homes<\/em><\/insert>(Start of Interview)<\/delete><\/insert><\/p>\n

SD: Hey, Bennett, how are you?<\/insert><\/p>\n

B: Pretty good, and<\/delete>.<\/insert> y<\/delete>Y<\/insert>ou? You\u2019re back from college? How\u2019s that going?<\/insert><\/p>\n

SD: None of your business, Bennett. What do you think of the weather?\u2028<\/insert><\/p>\n

B: It\u2019s a little gloomy\u2026<\/delete>.<\/insert> n<\/delete>N<\/insert>ot a whole lot of sunshine today.<\/insert><\/p>\n

SD: And whose fault is that?<\/insert><\/p>\n

B: I don\u2019t know if we can really blame the clouds on anyone.<\/insert>\u2026<\/delete><\/insert><\/p>\n

SD: It\u2019s your fault, Bennett. You did this to us.<\/insert><\/p>\n

B: Okay...<\/delete><\/insert><\/p>\n

SD: Okay. So I hate to break it to you, but word on the street is that <\/insert>everyone wants you evicted. Just thinking about you makes me clench my fists.<\/insert><\/p>\n

B: What? But I\u2019m the president of the neighborhood watch!\u2028<\/insert><\/p>\n

SD: Not for long,<\/delete>.<\/insert> Not <\/insert>once we expose the truth. Are the rumors true? Do you have sex with p<\/delete>P<\/insert>op-T<\/insert>t<\/delete>arts\u00ae<\/insert> for sport?<\/insert><\/p>\n

B: Absolutely not! You always ask me that and every time I swear to you,<\/delete> the answer is no!<\/insert><\/p>\n

SD: There you have it, folks, right from the mouth of the P<\/delete>Tart<\/insert><\/insert>p<\/delete>op-<\/delete>T<\/insert><\/delete>t<\/delete>art-<\/delete>fucker himself. Tell me more about your hobbies, Bennett<\/insert>.<\/insert><\/p>\n

B: Well, I\u2019m actually <\/delete>glad you asked. I have a priceless collection of toy horses that I spend hours restoring each day\u2014<\/insert><\/p>\n

SD: You are the king of all that is awful and I spit on your lawn in my dreams.<\/insert><\/p>\n

B: These don\u2019t seem like standard interview questions for your school paper.<\/insert><\/p>\n

SD: When I think of your name and ancestry I have this<\/delete>experience a<\/insert> primal urge to throw things at you, your toy horses, and your many bird baths.<\/insert><\/p>\n

B: I don\u2019t think there\u2019s any need to get violent.<\/insert><\/p>\n

SD: Well,<\/insert> it was great talking with you today. <\/insert>, i<\/delete>I<\/insert>t\u2019s been a real pleasure, and I hope to see you again soon. Take care.<\/insert>(End of Interview)<\/delete><\/insert><\/p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Milena Pross May 26, 2015 n Exclusive Interview with my Least Favorite NeighborYou waited months and months, and The Chicago Shady Dealer finally got hold of him. I sat down with none other than Bennett\u2014, who is by far my worst neighbor, and the reason I avoid ever checking the mail. He collects toy horses and won\u2019t shut up about his one trip to Spain that one time. Interviewer: Milena Pross, Chicago of The Shady Dealer Interviewee: Bennett, the human compost bin who lives down the street from meInterview Setting: A driveway equidistant from both of our homes(Start of Interview) SD: Hey, Bennett, how are you? B: Pretty good, and. yYou? You\u2019re back from college? How\u2019s that going? SD: None of your business, Bennett. What do you think of the weather?\u2028 B: It\u2019s a little gloomy\u2026. nNot a whole lot of sunshine today. SD: And whose fault is that? B: I don\u2019t know if we can really blame the clouds on anyone.\u2026 SD: It\u2019s your fault, Bennett. You did this to us. B: Okay… SD: Okay. So I hate to break it to you, but word on the street is that everyone wants you evicted. Just thinking about you makes me clench my fists. B: What? But I\u2019m the president of the neighborhood watch!\u2028 SD: Not for long,. Not once we expose the truth. Are the rumors true? Do you have sex with pPop-Ttarts\u00ae for sport? B: Absolutely not! You always ask me that and every time I swear to you, the answer is no! SD: There you have it, folks, right from the mouth of the PTartpop-Ttart-fucker himself. Tell me more about your hobbies, Bennett. B: Well, I\u2019m actually glad you asked. I have a priceless collection of toy horses that I spend hours restoring each day\u2014 SD: You are the king of all that is awful and I spit on your lawn in my dreams. B: These don\u2019t seem like standard interview questions for your school paper. SD: When I think of your name and ancestry I have thisexperience a primal urge to throw things at you, your toy horses, and your many bird baths. B: I don\u2019t think there\u2019s any need to get violent. SD: Well, it was great talking with you today. , iIt\u2019s been a real pleasure, and I hope to see you again soon. Take care.(End of Interview)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2034","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2034","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2034"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2034\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3067,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2034\/revisions\/3067"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2034"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2034"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2034"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}