{"id":2023,"date":"2013-03-16T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-03-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/35.224.237.165\/index.php\/2019\/02\/25\/date-ruined-by-date\/"},"modified":"2019-02-26T04:59:19","modified_gmt":"2019-02-25T21:59:19","slug":"date-ruined-by-date","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2013\/03\/16\/date-ruined-by-date\/","title":{"rendered":"Date Ruined by Date"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"<\/p>\n

By Evan Bernstein<\/a><\/h6>\n
May 26, 2015<\/h6>\n

According to sources who wish to remain anonymous, everything was set up perfectly for Julia Meyer\u2019s date last Saturday. There were candles on the table, she was wearing her favorite light blue dress, and she had <\/insert>brought two condoms in her purse just in case. It was sure<\/insert>ure<\/delete>\ufeff<\/delete><\/insert> to be a wonderful evening <\/delete>\u2014<\/insert>complete with romance, nervous giggling, and maybe even love. Nothing could have ruined Julia\u2019s night, except perhaps for her date, twenty-eight-year-old baseball enthusiast and lead bassist Danny Welker.<\/insert><\/p>\n

For a while, it was <\/delete>all was <\/insert>going just as Julia had imagined it<\/delete>. She arrived at the restaurant\u2014 <\/delete>\u2014<\/insert>an authentic Italian eatery her cousin had recommended\u2014 <\/delete>\u2014<\/insert>six minutes early. She was seated at a small table near the back, quiet and out of the way of the main seating area. The waiter, an older woman who, while not wholly displeasing to look at, was far less attractive than Julia, brought a tray of freshly baked bruschetta,<\/insert> and a saucer of olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette.<\/insert><\/p>\n

The ambient music, a sampling<\/insert>e<\/delete> of classical<\/insert> Italian arias, was soft and unobtrusive. The lighting was dim,<\/insert> but not dark. The room was not empty, but the closest people were three tables away, a couple in their thirties quietly discussing contemporary politics and the prospect of marriage.<\/insert><\/p>\n

Julia was calm, relaxed, and hopeful for the future. She wasn\u2019t sweaty or nervous, nor <\/insert>bored or apprehensive. She was enjoying her situation and the world around her, perfectly content to be herself in that exact place and time. For fourteen minutes, Julia was happy.<\/insert><\/p>\n

Then, late and underdressed, Welker walked in<\/delete>entered<\/insert>. Although Julia had texted him her relative location inside the restaurant, Welker insisted on lo<\/delete>was for some reason compelled to look <\/insert>o<\/delete>kin<\/delete>g<\/delete>in every direction before finally spotting Julia in the corner. He proceeded to make his way over to the table, but not before texting Julia \u201con my way\u201d in the same time it would have taken him to just walk over.<\/insert><\/p>\n

Julia, <\/insert>G<\/delete>g<\/insert>reeted with a wet erfamilia<\/delete>kiss on the cheek, Julia <\/delete>remained seated as Welker took his place. \u201cSup,<\/insert> babe,<\/insert>\u201d Welker said,<\/insert> was <\/delete>the first of many intolerable utterances that Walker<\/delete>he<\/insert> would emit during<\/delete>over<\/insert> the course of the meal from between <\/insert>his would be emitted<\/delete>from Welker\u2019s<\/delete> undoubtedly unbrushed mouth<\/delete>teeth<\/insert>. His buttoned shirt was untucked. His greasy hair was uncombed.<\/insert><\/p>\n

The conversation ranged from movies Julia had not seen to sports about which <\/insert>Julia did not care about<\/delete>. Welker\u2019s affectionate<\/insert>loving<\/delete> jabs at Julia\u2019s relative indifference to pop culture were less lovin<\/delete>affectionate<\/insert>g<\/delete> than jabby. He spoke with his mouth full. He ate all the bread.<\/insert><\/p>\n

Julia\u2019s date would have been perfect, sources report, were it not for her date. Perhaps, had Danny misread the calendar or gotten in<\/delete>been sidetracked by<\/insert> a fatal car accident, Julia\u2019s date would have gone differently. At press time, however, Julia had returned to her apartment alone, the <\/delete>condoms unused, a pint of Ben and Jerry\u2019s waiting for her in the freezer.<\/insert><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Evan Bernstein May 26, 2015 According to sources who wish to remain anonymous, everything was set up perfectly for Julia Meyer\u2019s date last Saturday. There were candles on the table, she was wearing her favorite light blue dress, and she had brought two condoms in her purse just in case. It was sureure\ufeff to be a wonderful evening \u2014complete with romance, nervous giggling, and maybe even love. Nothing could have ruined Julia\u2019s night, except perhaps for her date, twenty-eight-year-old baseball enthusiast and lead bassist Danny Welker. For a while, it was all was going just as Julia had imagined it. She arrived at the restaurant\u2014 \u2014an authentic Italian eatery her cousin had recommended\u2014 \u2014six minutes early. She was seated at a small table near the back, quiet and out of the way of the main seating area. The waiter, an older woman who, while not wholly displeasing to look at, was far less attractive than Julia, brought a tray of freshly baked bruschetta, and a saucer of olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette. The ambient music, a samplinge of classical Italian arias, was soft and unobtrusive. The lighting was dim, but not dark. The room was not empty, but the closest people were three tables away, a couple in their thirties quietly discussing contemporary politics and the prospect of marriage. Julia was calm, relaxed, and hopeful for the future. She wasn\u2019t sweaty or nervous, nor bored or apprehensive. She was enjoying her situation and the world around her, perfectly content to be herself in that exact place and time. For fourteen minutes, Julia was happy. Then, late and underdressed, Welker walked inentered. Although Julia had texted him her relative location inside the restaurant, Welker insisted on lowas for some reason compelled to look okingin every direction before finally spotting Julia in the corner. He proceeded to make his way over to the table, but not before texting Julia \u201con my way\u201d in the same time it would have taken him to just walk over. Julia, Ggreeted with a wet erfamiliakiss on the cheek, Julia remained seated as Welker took his place. \u201cSup, babe,\u201d Welker said, was the first of many intolerable utterances that Walkerhe would emit duringover the course of the meal from between his would be emittedfrom Welker\u2019s undoubtedly unbrushed mouthteeth. His buttoned shirt was untucked. His greasy hair was uncombed. The conversation ranged from movies Julia had not seen to sports about which Julia did not care about. Welker\u2019s affectionateloving jabs at Julia\u2019s relative indifference to pop culture were less lovinaffectionateg than jabby. He spoke with his mouth full. He ate all the bread. Julia\u2019s date would have been perfect, sources report, were it not for her date. Perhaps, had Danny misread the calendar or gotten inbeen sidetracked by a fatal car accident, Julia\u2019s date would have gone differently. At press time, however, Julia had returned to her apartment alone, the condoms unused, a pint of Ben and Jerry\u2019s waiting for her in the freezer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2023"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2023"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2023\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3056,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2023\/revisions\/3056"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2023"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2023"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2023"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}