{"id":2012,"date":"2013-03-16T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-03-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/35.224.237.165\/index.php\/2019\/02\/25\/the-shady-dealers-guide-to-rationalizing-housecest\/"},"modified":"2019-02-26T04:59:17","modified_gmt":"2019-02-25T21:59:17","slug":"the-shady-dealers-guide-to-rationalizing-housecest","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2013\/03\/16\/the-shady-dealers-guide-to-rationalizing-housecest\/","title":{"rendered":"The Shady Dealer’s Guide to Rationalizing Housecest"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"<\/p>\n

By Teddy Zamborsky<\/a><\/h6>\n
Aug. 1, 2015<\/h6>\n

Being the incredibly sexy people we are, Dealer writers are uniquely equipped to guide you through the perilous journey of your first college romance. So here is a<\/insert>the<\/delete> step by step guide to rationalizing the most tantalizing of early college relationships: boning your housemate.<\/insert><\/p>\n

Note: For full effectiveness, the Dealer recommends repeating these mantras in a \u201cback and forth\u201d style with your partner. In a pinch, saying them to yourself can also work. Happy canoodling! <\/i><\/insert><\/p>\n

\t1. “This won\u2019t be weird, I mean, <\/insert>…<\/delete>we live down the hall from each other<\/insert>, but still. I mean<\/delete> I<\/insert>i<\/delete>t will be fine.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

\t2.\t\u201cI mean, p<\/delete>P<\/insert>eople say housecest is bad, but that\u2019s just because people aren\u2019t mature enough to handle it. We can be adults about this, right? Yeah, we can.”<\/insert><\/p>\n

\t3.\t\u201cAnd we will always have someone close by so we can stay warm during the cold Chicago winters.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

\t4.\t\u201cAnd house trips can be like mini-dates!\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

\t5.\t\u201cAnd since we are first years, we can form a shared house friend group; that way we don\u2019t have to worry about not liking each other\u2019s friends\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

\t6.\t\u201cBut first, if we break up, I get Jim, and you get Lauren\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

\t7.\t\u201cWhy the fuck do you get Lauren?\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

\t8.\t\u201cLauren and I bonded at that party\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

\t9.\t\u201cWell fuck you, too.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

\t10.\t\u201cOK<\/insert>k<\/delete>, fine.<\/insert>,<\/delete> I<\/insert>i<\/delete>f you get Lauren and Jim, I get Philip.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

\t11.\t\u201cAnd t<\/delete>T<\/insert>hink of how convenient our walk of shame will be. It\u2019s like six feet!\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

\t12.\t\u201cAnd we could even shower together, that would be so hot… as long as someone doesn\u2019t walk in.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

\t13.\t\u201cWe\u2019ll keep it casual. Living next door won\u2019t change that, right? No… I think I kinda love you. Let\u2019s move your bed into my room.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Teddy Zamborsky Aug. 1, 2015 Being the incredibly sexy people we are, Dealer writers are uniquely equipped to guide you through the perilous journey of your first college romance. So here is athe step by step guide to rationalizing the most tantalizing of early college relationships: boning your housemate. Note: For full effectiveness, the Dealer recommends repeating these mantras in a \u201cback and forth\u201d style with your partner. In a pinch, saying them to yourself can also work. Happy canoodling! 1. “This won\u2019t be weird, I mean, …we live down the hall from each other, but still. I mean Iit will be fine.\u201d 2. \u201cI mean, pPeople say housecest is bad, but that\u2019s just because people aren\u2019t mature enough to handle it. We can be adults about this, right? Yeah, we can.” 3. \u201cAnd we will always have someone close by so we can stay warm during the cold Chicago winters.\u201d 4. \u201cAnd house trips can be like mini-dates!\u201d 5. \u201cAnd since we are first years, we can form a shared house friend group; that way we don\u2019t have to worry about not liking each other\u2019s friends\u201d 6. \u201cBut first, if we break up, I get Jim, and you get Lauren\u201d 7. \u201cWhy the fuck do you get Lauren?\u201d 8. \u201cLauren and I bonded at that party\u201d 9. \u201cWell fuck you, too.\u201d 10. \u201cOKk, fine., Iif you get Lauren and Jim, I get Philip.\u201d 11. \u201cAnd tThink of how convenient our walk of shame will be. It\u2019s like six feet!\u201d 12. \u201cAnd we could even shower together, that would be so hot… as long as someone doesn\u2019t walk in.\u201d 13. \u201cWe\u2019ll keep it casual. Living next door won\u2019t change that, right? No… I think I kinda love you. Let\u2019s move your bed into my room.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2012","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2012","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2012"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2012\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3045,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2012\/revisions\/3045"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2012"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2012"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2012"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}