<\/p>\n
According to eyewitness reports, area flu-victim Walter Atkins was forced to re-evaluate the feasibility of continuing to blow his nose into a tissue that he had already used previously. Atkins, 22, was sitting in the middle of lecture and attempting to write down the essential components of Marx\u2019s critique of capitalism when a small trickle of snot began to drip sensuously down the left side of his face. Atkins quickly realized that he was out of new tissues and scraps of toilet paper, and so reached down hesitatingly into the moist cavern of his jacket pocket in order to retrieve a soiled one. The tissue in question, while damp and folded, still retained some surface area that appeared reasonably absorbent for the purposes of declogging nasal passages. <\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat are the pros and cons \t\u201cWhat if I wipe the snot on my jacket sleeve?\u201d he continued, weighing the options while those sitting next to him continued to lean away in horror. <\/p>\n \t\u201cIf only Ajeya wasn\u2019t sitting so close by,\u201d Atkins thought, in reference to the girl he\u2019s been trying to flirt with for several weeks. \u201cShe already probably thinks its gross that I only shower two or three times a week.\u201d<\/p>\n \t\u201cShit,\u201d Atkins added, realizing that a tickling sensation in his schnoz had suddenly grown past the point of no return and that his immune system was quickly barreling towards a full-fledged sneeze. The undergraduate then grew wide-eyed, braced himself for impact, and sprayed viscous fluid all over the classroom. <\/p>\n \tAt press time, Atkins was running to the restroom with his hand firmly clasped over his nose, and his viral particles were gleefully coming into contact with the mucous membranes of six of his fellow students.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Morgan Pantuck Oct. 19, 2015 According to eyewitness reports, area flu-victim Walter Atkins was forced to re-evaluate the feasibility of continuing to blow his nose into a tissue that he had already used previously. Atkins, 22, was sitting in the middle of lecture and attempting to write down the essential components of Marx\u2019s critique of capitalism when a small trickle of snot began to drip sensuously down the left side of his face. Atkins quickly realized that he was out of new tissues and scraps of toilet paper, and so reached down hesitatingly into the moist cavern of his jacket pocket in order to retrieve a soiled one. The tissue in question, while damp and folded, still retained some surface area that appeared reasonably absorbent for the purposes of declogging nasal passages. \u201cWhat are the pros and cons, here?\u201d Atkins wondered, while straining noisily against the inevitable effects of gravity. \u201cI can\u2019t keep snorfing mucous back into my nose, but this tissue is already fairly disgusting.\u201d \u201cWhat if I wipe the snot on my jacket sleeve?\u201d he continued, weighing the options while those sitting next to him continued to lean away in horror. \u201cIf only Ajeya wasn\u2019t sitting so close by,\u201d Atkins thought, in reference to the girl he\u2019s been trying to flirt with for several weeks. \u201cShe already probably thinks its gross that I only shower two or three times a week.\u201d \u201cShit,\u201d Atkins added, realizing that a tickling sensation in his schnoz had suddenly grown past the point of no return and that his immune system was quickly barreling towards a full-fledged sneeze. The undergraduate then grew wide-eyed, braced himself for impact, and sprayed viscous fluid all over the classroom. At press time, Atkins was running to the restroom with his hand firmly clasped over his nose, and his viral particles were gleefully coming into contact with the mucous membranes of six of his fellow students.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1980"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1980"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1980\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3013,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1980\/revisions\/3013"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1980"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1980"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1980"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}