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\tEmployees of the office of career advancement were surprised this Thursday when their Taking the Next Step seminar devolved into an all \t\u201cI really didn\u2019t expect anything sexual at all to happen\u201d said third year student John Dallas. \u201cI only thought that we were going to take some notes and talk about what we would do once we graduated. I had no idea that I was going to be having vigorou \tHow the evening changed from a chaste examination of internship prospects to a mass orgy was not clear to eye witnesses. \u201cI honestly have no idea how it happened \t\u201cI don\u2019t think there was any clear impetus \t\u201cAfter a while, all the \tSources at the office of career advancement reported that this was the first time that any of their career advancement seminars turned into group sex. \u201cNo one in my house told me that anything like this was going to happen \tAs of press time, a record number of students have By Nik Varley Jan. 11, 2016 Employees of the office of career advancement were surprised this Thursday when their Taking the Next Step seminar devolved into an all– out fuckfest. Students, faculty, and alumni and faculty arrived at the event expecting to assess career opportunities, and network, but the event quickly morphed into an intense, anything-goes orgy. \u201cI really didn\u2019t expect anything sexual at all to happen\u201d said third year student John Dallas. \u201cI only thought that we were going to take some notes and talk about what we would do once we graduated. I had no idea that I was going to be having vigorous sex with multiple partners sex with multiple potential mentors inon the ballroom of the Chicago Marriottfloor!\u201d How the evening changed from a chaste examination of internship prospects to a mass orgy was not clear to eye witnesses. \u201cI honestly have no idea how it happened,\u201d said Tim Collins, who organized the event,. \u201cOne minute, we were all watching the presentation on how to use Hhandshake, and the next minute, everyone was tearing each other\u2019s clothes off in a grand guignol of lust. I couldn\u2019t believe my eyes.\u201d Organizers initially hoped that the transition from lunch in the ballroom to breakout seminars in groups dedicated to specific fields would get the event back on track and away from nonstop group sex. But they were immediately dissapointed when panel leaders concurrently and universally used their opening remarks to reject “bourgeois Judeo-christian sexual mores” and declare the seminars “inhibition free zones.” \u201cI don\u2019t think there was any clear impetus,\u201d said Career Advancementfaculty advisorcounselormember Antonia Green. \u201cIt was like everyone simultaneously agreed that instead of learning about the hundreds of internships available through the Metcalf program, they were going to start sucking, fucking and fondling each other as hard and fast they could. We tried to stop them, but they just kept right on going.\u201d \u201cAfter a while, all the faculty staff just left,\u201d continued Antonia,. \u201cWe figured they were just going to do their thing, and we would send in sanitation to wipe everything down after they\u2019d finished. I really hope they got something out ofto the seminar before they all started having sex with each other; I put a lot of time into that powerpoint.\u201d Sources at the office of career advancement reported that this was the first time that any of their career advancement seminars turned into group sex. \u201cNo one in my house told me that anything like this was going to happen,.\u201d said second year Taking the Next Step attendee Lacy Pascal,. \u201cI thought it was going to be pretty boring. It was not boring.\u201d As of press time, a record number of students have already RSVP\u2019d for the next year’s Taking the Next Step event, whose Facebook event page promises a \u201cfun and informative time.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1913"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1913"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1913\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2946,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1913\/revisions\/2946"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1913"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1913"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1913"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}