{"id":1901,"date":"2013-03-16T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-03-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/35.224.237.165\/index.php\/2019\/02\/25\/6-twenty-somethings-who-have-only-had-two-or-fewer-kids\/"},"modified":"2019-02-26T04:58:52","modified_gmt":"2019-02-25T21:58:52","slug":"6-twenty-somethings-who-have-only-had-two-or-fewer-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2013\/03\/16\/6-twenty-somethings-who-have-only-had-two-or-fewer-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"6 Twenty-Somethings Who Have Only Had Two or Fewer Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"<\/p>\n

By Daniel Ruttenberg, 1720<\/a><\/h6>\n
Jan. 22, 2016<\/h6>\n

Harriet Johnson:<\/b><\/p>\n

Look at Harriet! Walking around like she is not supposed to be carrying a baby on top of <\/insert>her other <\/insert>in her<\/delete> baby. That prude won\u2019t even show the fellas her ankles when we yell at her to do so from the carriage.<\/insert>.<\/delete><\/p>\n

Elizabeth Rendwihst:<\/b><\/p>\n

Kila Rendwihst really should stop being such a goody-goody and have some babies real quick. Sooner or later, she\u2019s going to die of yellow fever, and she better have at least three kids to carry on those<\/insert>preserve <\/delete>her<\/delete> pretty ankles<\/delete> genes <\/insert>when that happens.<\/p>\n

Abigail Addison:<\/insert><\/b><\/p>\n

Just because Abigail\u2019s husband was lost at sea<\/insert>died in the war<\/delete> does not mean that she should give up on having children. Her son needs a brother, and there are plenty of open suitors. Tom Whiteso<\/delete>more is available, and he<\/delete> has plenty of sperm to give Abigail a push in the right direction (towards more babies)<\/insert>. <\/p>\n

Veronica Kitzmoth:<\/b><\/p>\n

Her uterus is as slow as a butter churn! If Veronika had fewer kids, she\u2019d have either one or zero children!<\/p>\n

Catherine Ipsen:<\/insert><\/b><\/p>\n

Get a baby maker in the baby hole pronto<\/insert>lease<\/delete>!<\/p>\n

Bonnie Howe:<\/insert><\/b><\/p>\n

Because Bonnie has been married for five years (and those ankles<\/delete>!<\/insert><\/delete>)<\/delete>, you would expect the 22 year old to have four to five kids by this point. However, you would be wrong, and now<\/insert>.<\/delete> Bonnie is no longer capable of producing anything but stone babies; missed your window of opportunity, Bonnie! You\u2019re going to die spawnless at 30! Let this be a lesson, those of you who are thinking about having kids. Start now; you\u2019ll be 20 before you know it. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Daniel Ruttenberg, 1720 Jan. 22, 2016 Harriet Johnson: Look at Harriet! Walking around like she is not supposed to be carrying a baby on top of her other in her baby. That prude won\u2019t even show the fellas her ankles when we yell at her to do so from the carriage.. Elizabeth Rendwihst: Kila Rendwihst really should stop being such a goody-goody and have some babies real quick. Sooner or later, she\u2019s going to die of yellow fever, and she better have at least three kids to carry on thosepreserve her pretty ankles genes when that happens. Abigail Addison: Just because Abigail\u2019s husband was lost at seadied in the war does not mean that she should give up on having children. Her son needs a brother, and there are plenty of open suitors. Tom Whitesomore is available, and he has plenty of sperm to give Abigail a push in the right direction (towards more babies). Veronica Kitzmoth: Her uterus is as slow as a butter churn! If Veronika had fewer kids, she\u2019d have either one or zero children! Catherine Ipsen: Get a baby maker in the baby hole prontolease! Bonnie Howe: Because Bonnie has been married for five years (and those ankles!), you would expect the 22 year old to have four to five kids by this point. However, you would be wrong, and now. Bonnie is no longer capable of producing anything but stone babies; missed your window of opportunity, Bonnie! You\u2019re going to die spawnless at 30! Let this be a lesson, those of you who are thinking about having kids. Start now; you\u2019ll be 20 before you know it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1901","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1901","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1901"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1901\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2934,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1901\/revisions\/2934"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1901"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1901"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1901"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}