<\/p>\n
Today at around 5PM CST Second Year Economics Major Kenneth Moore was seen overtly lying about his marketability and desirability in the A level of the Regenstein Library. According to several sources, this kid straight up said that he could have \u201ctotally gotten that internship at Goldman. I just didn\u2019t apply.\u201d The second year in question Upon a close investigation, there is no way that Kenneth could have indeed \u201ctotally copped it\u201d due to his academic record. He\u2019s not These claims are especially heinous because, while finance may be his life, it is \tWhen confronting Kenneth about the audacity to make such a claim and on how even gained admittance into the University, he shrugged. \u201cIdk bro, but like my dad went here and works at Goldman. So like maybe that has something to do with it?\u201d By Liam Coles May 13, 2016 Today at around 5PM CST Second Year Economics Major Kenneth Moore was seen overtly lying about his marketability and desirability in the A level of the Regenstein Library. According to several sources, this kid straight up said that he could have \u201ctotally gotten that internship at Goldman. I just didn\u2019t apply.\u201d The second year in question after this just continued to dig a deeper hole for himself claiming that he would have \u201ctotally copped it, bro. Finance is my life.\u201d Upon a close investigation, there is no way that Kenneth could have indeed \u201ctotally copped it\u201d due to his academic record. He\u2019s not ayour typical, type-A, Handshake obsessed Econ major. Reports confirm he is not even a part of The Blue Chips, UChicago\u2019s premier investment group. Additionally, his academic record is not nearly what a normal Goldman intern applicant would even dare applying with. According to his most recent transcript, Mr. Moore has a 2.85 GPA, despite taking mostly easy classes, including a B- for two quarters of Reading Cultures\u2014READING CULTURES!Media Aesthetics\u2014MEDIA AESTHETICS GODDAMN IT. These claims are especially heinous because, while finance may be his life, it is onlyjust because he is so boring and average otherwise. The Shady Dealer reached out to his friend Mitchell Bauer to learn more about Kenneth\u2019s life. According to Bauer, Kenneth, \u201cis a pretty cool dude.\u201d He is really into music, \u201cmostly like Kanye and Drake, some Mumford and Sons.\u201d He\u2019s a \u201cbig fan of The Big Lebowski\u201d and Pulp Fiction.\u201d \u201cHe,\u201d as Mitchell states, \u201cis a stylish guy, loves his salmon shorts. His gingham shirts from J.Crew are on point. And yeah, he really kills it at Call of Duty.\u201d Clearly, a total narcly nark. When confronting Kenneth about the audacity to make such a claim and on how even gained admittance into the University, he shrugged. \u201cIdk bro, but like my dad went here and works at Goldman. So like maybe that has something to do with it?\u201d.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1815","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1815","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1815"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1815\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2848,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1815\/revisions\/2848"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1815"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1815"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1815"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}