<\/p>\n
The University of Chicago released an official statement this morning confirming that famed alumnus and billionaire philanthropist Dickwad Fuckwit will be donating nearly $70 million to the University to support undergraduate education. The residence hall formally known as Campus North will be christened Dickwad Fuckwit Commons in honor of his generosity.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe are, uhh, very pleased to be able to recognize Mr. Fuckwit by naming this important facility after him,\u201d said President Robert J. Zimmer, sweating and loosening his tie. \u201cWe kept saying, oh no no, you shouldn\u2019t have, but Dickwad\u2019s altruistic determination knows no bounds.\u201d<\/p>\n
Dean For his part, Fuckwit has been acting what one might call \u201cdeviously pleased\u201d with the announcement. \u201cFinally, that name change was worth it,\u201d he remarked to a Dealer<\/i> representative while gleefully rubbing his hands together. \u201cI\u2019ve been trying to get back at this damn school for making me re-take Core Bio for years.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf they don\u2019t call the kids who live in my dorm \u2018Fuckwitizens\u2019 I\u2019m going to throw an absolute fit,\u201d he added.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Morgan Pantuck May 13, 2016 The University of Chicago released an official statement this morning confirming that famed alumnus and billionaire philanthropist Dickwad Fuckwit will be donating nearly $70 million to the University to support undergraduate education. The residence hall formally known as Campus North will be christened Dickwad Fuckwit Commons in honor of his generosity. \u201cWe are, uhh, very pleased to be able to recognize Mr. Fuckwit by naming this important facility after him,\u201d said President Robert J. Zimmer, sweating and loosening his tie. \u201cWe kept saying, oh no no, you shouldn\u2019t have, but Dickwad\u2019s altruistic determination knows no bounds.\u201d Dean of the College John W. Boyer offered similar sentiments. \u201cResidential life is a place where the intellectual friendships that begin in the classroom can expand and grow,\u201d remarked Boyer, as he struggled to hold back tears. \u201cThis\u2026 wonderful gift\u2026 will impact our community, and our admissions statistics, for years to come.\u201d For his part, Fuckwit has been acting what one might call \u201cdeviously pleased\u201d with the announcement. \u201cFinally, that name change was worth it,\u201d he remarked to a Dealer representative while gleefully rubbing his hands together. \u201cI\u2019ve been trying to get back at this damn school for making me re-take Core Bio for years.\u201d \u201cIf they don\u2019t call the kids who live in my dorm \u2018Fuckwitizens\u2019 I\u2019m going to throw an absolute fit,\u201d he added.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1814","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1814","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1814"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1814\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2847,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1814\/revisions\/2847"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1814"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1814"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1814"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}