{"id":1812,"date":"2013-03-16T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-03-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/35.224.237.165\/index.php\/2019\/02\/25\/campus-circles-of-hell\/"},"modified":"2019-02-26T04:58:37","modified_gmt":"2019-02-25T21:58:37","slug":"campus-circles-of-hell","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2013\/03\/16\/campus-circles-of-hell\/","title":{"rendered":"Campus Circles of Hell"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"<\/p>\n

By Nico Aldape and Teddy Zamborsky<\/a><\/h6>\n
May 14, 2016<\/h6>\n<\/p>\n

First Circle (Limbo): Your Room<\/h3>\n

Technically<\/delete>,<\/insert><\/delete> y<\/delete>Y<\/insert>our humble abode,<\/insert> a<\/insert>yet a<\/delete>nother<\/delete><\/insert> reminder of both sleep and<\/insert> toil, your room <\/delete>cannot be pinned down as inherently joyful or dreadfu <\/delete>l<\/insert>one way or another<\/delete>. Even the most virtuous, pleasure-seeking of <\/delete>people are reminded of schoolwork. For each shot poured or joint rolled on desks, there are many more textbooks read and p-sets done. And y<\/insert><\/insert>Y<\/delete>et, because relaxation still exists in a place otherwise filled with work and obligation, your room is comparatively not that bad.<\/p>\n

Second Circle (Lust): The Reg Stacks<\/p>\n

Where students stand frozen, hoping to live their tiny exhibitionist fantasy of smashing genitals betwixt<\/insert>in between<\/delete> towering bookcases, but knowing in their hearts that they will never be fulfilled <\/insert>have fulfill maybe<\/delete>. Perhaps<\/insert>Maybe<\/delete> they will just rub one out, get halfway there. Alas, not today. Maybe tomorrow.<\/p>\n

Third Circle (Gluttony): The Coffee Station<\/p>\n

You stare at the dispenser with reluctance, but the tiredness and headaches you\u2019ll avoid by pouring yourself a cup demand that<\/insert> <\/insert>make<\/delete>you fill it. Oh, how you wish to sip coffee that\u2019s, for lack of a better word, remotely palatable. Knowing that despite the bitterness, this coffee isn\u2019t the strongest of brews, you get cup after<\/insert>on<\/delete> cup <\/delete>. The make-you-have-to-pee effects of caffeine <\/delete> aren\u2019t helped by the sheer amount of liquid you’re drinking<\/insert> or all the sugar you put in it (looking at you, frappucinos, as delicious as you may be) <\/delete>to make it bearable. <\/insert>palatable<\/delete><\/insert>, <\/delete>Alas, <\/insert>and <\/delete>you do have to go to class at a certain point, so you jitter your way out of the dining hall.<\/insert><\/p>\n

Fourth Circle (Greed): The Never–<\/insert>ending Search for Some Peace and Quiet and Alone Time<\/p>\n

Rarely is the privilege <\/insert>desire<\/delete> of <\/insert>to<\/delete> sitting<\/insert> at a table alone or basking in <\/insert>the tranquility of your study music in the library granted <\/insert>uninterrupted<\/delete>. All the single tables are taken by others <\/insert>everyone else<\/delete> in the same mindset as you, but got there earlier. Sadly, you\u2019re not friends with any of them. You are wholeheartedly committed to ignoring people.<\/p>\n

Fifth Circle (Anger): Lefty Desks in Kent and Other Accommodations<\/p>\n

Oh, did you need something? Like accommodations,<\/insert> because you aren\u2019t the perfect specimen the university was designed around? Well, sucks, doesn\u2019t it. Enjoy your seat, you sinister dick.<\/p>\n

Sixth Circle (Heresy): The Divinity School Coffee Shop<\/p>\n

Where God Drinks Coffee? Such hubris, to think that <\/insert>thinking <\/delete>G<\/insert>g<\/delete>G<\/delete><\/insert>od has not forsaken this place.<\/p>\n

Seventh Circle (Violence): Bar Night<\/p>\n

Mm, smell that?<\/insert>.<\/delete> The scent of spilled PBR mixed with smoke from the cheapest of <\/insert>cigarettes. The fuel of half assed punches caused by disagreements about who had dibs on that booth first (it was you, by the way). But don\u2019t worry, your friends will believe you tomorrow when you say you \u201ckicked his ass.<\/insert>\u201d.<\/delete> That\u2019s hopeful. Like you get to leave.<\/p>\n

Eighth Circle (Fraud): The Office of Financial Aid<\/p>\n

The final home of practitioners of simony, sowers of discord, and college aid counselors. They sit in their lair<\/insert>there<\/delete>, guarding their mound of gold fiercely, as they laugh at the concept of need or the idea that others have no mound of gold. Nondorf, with his charisma, shields the office from the criticisms of disgruntled RAs and low income students simply asking for \u201chelp\u201d or their \u201cfair share\u201d. Poor bastards.<\/insert><\/p>\n

Ninth Circle (Treachery): The Administration<\/p>\n

T<\/insert>t<\/delete>he Ninth Circle is filled with <\/insert>are<\/delete> the treacherous souls among us – those who place the life of the mind above students\u2019 lives or minds. The cogs of the bureaucratic Rube Goldberg machine that appears to do something<\/insert>work<\/delete> <\/insert>seems like it does so much<\/delete> but ends up doing so <\/delete>little but <\/insert>churn pointlessly <\/delete><\/insert>away<\/delete>. The Deans that manage and are part of the bureaucracy grease them up. Dean Boyer supervises on his bike, pretending he is unaware of his ironic cult of personality,<\/insert> while<\/insert>, and<\/delete> President Zimmer refuels the perpetual machine of lip service.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Nico Aldape and Teddy Zamborsky May 14, 2016 First Circle (Limbo): Your Room Technically, yYour humble abode, ayet another reminder of both sleep and toil, your room cannot be pinned down as inherently joyful or dreadfu lone way or another. Even the most virtuous, pleasure-seeking of people are reminded of schoolwork. For each shot poured or joint rolled on desks, there are many more textbooks read and p-sets done. And yYet, because relaxation still exists in a place otherwise filled with work and obligation, your room is comparatively not that bad. Second Circle (Lust): The Reg Stacks Where students stand frozen, hoping to live their tiny exhibitionist fantasy of smashing genitals betwixtin between towering bookcases, but knowing in their hearts that they will never be fulfilled have fulfill maybe. PerhapsMaybe they will just rub one out, get halfway there. Alas, not today. Maybe tomorrow. Third Circle (Gluttony): The Coffee Station You stare at the dispenser with reluctance, but the tiredness and headaches you\u2019ll avoid by pouring yourself a cup demand that makeyou fill it. Oh, how you wish to sip coffee that\u2019s, for lack of a better word, remotely palatable. Knowing that despite the bitterness, this coffee isn\u2019t the strongest of brews, you get cup afteron cup . The make-you-have-to-pee effects of caffeine aren\u2019t helped by the sheer amount of liquid you’re drinking or all the sugar you put in it (looking at you, frappucinos, as delicious as you may be) to make it bearable. palatable, Alas, and you do have to go to class at a certain point, so you jitter your way out of the dining hall. Fourth Circle (Greed): The Never–ending Search for Some Peace and Quiet and Alone Time Rarely is the privilege desire of to sitting at a table alone or basking in the tranquility of your study music in the library granted uninterrupted. All the single tables are taken by others everyone else in the same mindset as you, but got there earlier. Sadly, you\u2019re not friends with any of them. You are wholeheartedly committed to ignoring people. Fifth Circle (Anger): Lefty Desks in Kent and Other Accommodations Oh, did you need something? Like accommodations, because you aren\u2019t the perfect specimen the university was designed around? Well, sucks, doesn\u2019t it. Enjoy your seat, you sinister dick. Sixth Circle (Heresy): The Divinity School Coffee Shop Where God Drinks Coffee? Such hubris, to think that thinking GgGod has not forsaken this place. Seventh Circle (Violence): Bar Night Mm, smell that?. The scent of spilled PBR mixed with smoke from the cheapest of cigarettes. The fuel of half assed punches caused by disagreements about who had dibs on that booth first (it was you, by the way). But don\u2019t worry, your friends will believe you tomorrow when you say you \u201ckicked his ass.\u201d. That\u2019s hopeful. Like you get to leave. Eighth Circle (Fraud): The Office of Financial Aid The final home of practitioners of simony, sowers of discord, and college aid counselors. They sit in their lairthere, guarding their mound of gold fiercely, as they laugh at the concept of need or the idea that others have no mound of gold. Nondorf, with his charisma, shields the office from the criticisms of disgruntled RAs and low income students simply asking for \u201chelp\u201d or their \u201cfair share\u201d. Poor bastards. Ninth Circle (Treachery): The Administration Tthe Ninth Circle is filled with are the treacherous souls among us – those who place the life of the mind above students\u2019 lives or minds. The cogs of the bureaucratic Rube Goldberg machine that appears to do somethingwork seems like it does so much but ends up doing so little but churn pointlessly away. The Deans that manage and are part of the bureaucracy grease them up. Dean Boyer supervises on his bike, pretending he is unaware of his ironic cult of personality, while, and President Zimmer refuels the perpetual machine of lip service.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1812"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1812"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1812\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2845,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1812\/revisions\/2845"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1812"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1812"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1812"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}