<\/p>\n
According to eyewitness reports, area undergraduate Wendy Robinson\u2019s new hygienic rituals have officially ended after only three days of implementation. Robinson, 20, promised herself that she would begin Autumn quarter with a fresh outlook on life, as well as a fresh t-shirt every day of the week and the regular removal of old sandwiches from the fridge. This experimental routine\u2014which included the use of deodorant, razor blades, and more than one pair of socks\u2014worked very well for approximately 72 hours before completely collapsing. <\/p>\n
\u201cThere was no problem at first,\u201d a visibly disheveled Robinson explained to reporters. \u201cI woke up early so that I would have time to shower, apply foundation, and get through breakfast without spilling clumps of cereal all over myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHowever,\u201d she continued, pulling her greasy hair into a large, chaotic bun, \u201cafter three days of school, I realized it\u2019s much easier to study for midterms if you don\u2019t waste any time changing your sheets, cleaning the bathroom, or wiping food off of your face after eating it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, Robinson\u2019s roommates\u2014Diane, Shelly, and Peter\u2014have been calling themselves \u201cdisappointed.\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cShe leaves crumbs everywhere!\u201d Diane commented, throwing her hands in the air. \u201cLiterally everywhere. It\u2019s like she\u2019s Hansel and Gretel, but covered in week-old mascara.\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cThe weird thing is, she actually owns a dozen t-shirts,\u201d Shelly added, while writing a passive aggressive sticky note to attach to Wendy\u2019s overflowing trash bags. \u201cBut once she chooses a \u2018lucky\u2019 one, there\u2019s no convincing her to wear any of the others.\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cLook, it\u2019s one thing to forget to do the dishes,\u201d Peter explained, digging a traumatized house-cat out from under her unwashed laundry pile. \u201cIt\u2019s another thing to lose your sex toys in the couch and then ask for help finding them.\u201d <\/p>\n
At press time, Wendy was flirtatiously telling Ronald Newberg that they should hang out at his apartment, since hers was \u201ca little messy.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Morgan Pantuck Oct. 21, 2015 According to eyewitness reports, area undergraduate Wendy Robinson\u2019s new hygienic rituals have officially ended after only three days of implementation. Robinson, 20, promised herself that she would begin Autumn quarter with a fresh outlook on life, as well as a fresh t-shirt every day of the week and the regular removal of old sandwiches from the fridge. This experimental routine\u2014which included the use of deodorant, razor blades, and more than one pair of socks\u2014worked very well for approximately 72 hours before completely collapsing. \u201cThere was no problem at first,\u201d a visibly disheveled Robinson explained to reporters. \u201cI woke up early so that I would have time to shower, apply foundation, and get through breakfast without spilling clumps of cereal all over myself.\u201d \u201cHowever,\u201d she continued, pulling her greasy hair into a large, chaotic bun, \u201cafter three days of school, I realized it\u2019s much easier to study for midterms if you don\u2019t waste any time changing your sheets, cleaning the bathroom, or wiping food off of your face after eating it.\u201d Meanwhile, Robinson\u2019s roommates\u2014Diane, Shelly, and Peter\u2014have been calling themselves \u201cdisappointed.\u201d \u201cShe leaves crumbs everywhere!\u201d Diane commented, throwing her hands in the air. \u201cLiterally everywhere. It\u2019s like she\u2019s Hansel and Gretel, but covered in week-old mascara.\u201d \u201cThe weird thing is, she actually owns a dozen t-shirts,\u201d Shelly added, while writing a passive aggressive sticky note to attach to Wendy\u2019s overflowing trash bags. \u201cBut once she chooses a \u2018lucky\u2019 one, there\u2019s no convincing her to wear any of the others.\u201d \u201cLook, it\u2019s one thing to forget to do the dishes,\u201d Peter explained, digging a traumatized house-cat out from under her unwashed laundry pile. \u201cIt\u2019s another thing to lose your sex toys in the couch and then ask for help finding them.\u201d At press time, Wendy was flirtatiously telling Ronald Newberg that they should hang out at his apartment, since hers was \u201ca little messy.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1800"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1800"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1800\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3008,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1800\/revisions\/3008"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1800"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1800"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1800"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}