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It\u2019s almost the most wonderful time of the year again! And that means it\u2019s time to start thinking about gifts for the important people in your life. Now, that\u2019s all well and good, but who wants to deal with regular \t Instead of subjects like peace and gratitude, Fistmas focuses on something the vast majority of people have: namely, a fist. Say goodbye to dull trees and candles According to a new study sponsored by the Order of the Massive Hand, Fistmas is gaining in popularity, and is expected to enter rapidly into the wide crevasse of American holiday culture with limited pain. Truly, this a joyous occasion. Don\u2019t worry about practicing Fistmas in adverse weather Update: How Do I Return my Fistmas Gift \t Hello once again The gift consisted of a pink, glove-like apparatus equipped with strange metal outcroppings. It also had a cartridge compartment for the seven AA batteries required to operate it (which were included, yay!). The device, labelled simply as a \u201cMister Fister 9000\u201d, looked cool, but lacked any instruction manual By Jacob Johnson Nov. 8, 2016 It\u2019s almost the most wonderful time of the year again! And that means it\u2019s time to start thinking about gifts for the important people in your life. Now, that\u2019s all well and good, but who wants to deal with regular, –old religious holidays anymore? Not only are they culturally exclusive, but they\u2019re boring! Spice it up a little with the fist-sensation that\u2019s sweeping the nation: Fistmas! Instead of subjects like peace and gratitude, Fistmas focuses on something the vast majority of people have: namely, a fist. Say goodbye to dull trees and candles and., gGand get ready to deck your knuckles out in true Fistmas spirit. Affordable and fun, Fistmas makes Fist-giving a joy for the whole family. Remember: if your knuckles aren\u2019t white by the end, you\u2019re doing it wrong! According to a new study sponsored by the Order of the Massive Hand, Fistmas is gaining in popularity, and is expected to enter rapidly into the wide crevasse of American holiday culture with limited pain. Truly, this a joyous occasion. Don\u2019t worry about practicing Fistmas in adverse weather, either. A little coldness isn\u2019t going to ruin our hand-happy Fist-exchange! Update: How Do I Return my Fistmas Gift? Hello once again, everyone! A very moist Fistmas to you all. I am writing to see if anyone knows a way for me to possibly return the gift I received as part of my town\u2019s local Furtive Phalange drive. While I do appreciate the thought, I just don\u2019t think it\u2019s for me. The gift consisted of a pink, glove-like apparatus equipped with strange metal outcroppings. It also had a cartridge compartment for the seven AA batteries required to operate it (which were included, yay!). The device, labelled simply as a \u201cMister Fister 9000\u201d, looked cool, but lacked any instruction manual – which appeared to have been replaced by several intricate diagrams of various fruits and vegetables at numerous odd angles. I tried looking up a “How –To“ video on operating said \u201cMister Fister 9000\u201d, but every search result was either blocked by the F.B.I, or only available for viewing in Slovenia. Could anyone tell me the best way to return my gift? I am getting notably uneasy just seeing it here lying next to me as I write. I guess I\u2019ve had enough Fistmas for one year. I\u2019ve got to hand it to them though, they sure have some catchy music. Thanks, and have a White-Knuckle Fistmas, everyone!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1741","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1741","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1741"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1741\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2774,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1741\/revisions\/2774"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1741"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1741"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1741"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}