{"id":1734,"date":"2013-03-16T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-03-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/35.224.237.165\/index.php\/2019\/02\/25\/our-five-favorite-new-pokemon-please-dont-masturbate-to-this\/"},"modified":"2019-02-26T04:58:22","modified_gmt":"2019-02-25T21:58:22","slug":"our-five-favorite-new-pokemon-please-dont-masturbate-to-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2013\/03\/16\/our-five-favorite-new-pokemon-please-dont-masturbate-to-this\/","title":{"rendered":"Our Five Favorite New Pok\u00e9mon (Please Don\u2019t Masturbate to This)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"<\/p>\n

By The Chicago Shady Dealer Gaming Committee<\/a><\/h6>\n
Nov. 12, 2016<\/h6>\n

Pokemon<\/delete>Pok\u00e9mon Sun and Moon came out on November 18th, and we are head over heels in love with the new guys. Let\u2019s have some wholesome fun and look at the coolest new Pok<\/insert>k<\/delete>e<\/delete>\u00e9<\/insert>pals! Please don\u2019t m<\/insert>M<\/delete>asturbate to this.<\/p>\n

Rowlet<\/p>\n

\t(Picture of Rowlet)<\/p>\n

\tThis cute little owl is a grass and flying type Pok\u00e9monPok\u00e9monPokemon<\/delete>. While it looks cute, it can evolve into a super powerful bird Decidueye. Please, for God\u2019s sake, don\u2019t jack off to this. This game is for kids. <\/p>\n

Charjabug<\/p>\n

\t(Picture of Charjabug)<\/p>\n

\tLooks pretty innocent, but nope! Charjabug is a dangerous <\/insert>Pok\u00e9mon! <\/insert>n <\/delete> <\/insert><\/delete>pokemon<\/delete>! <\/delete> <\/delete>With its ability to learn both bug and electric moves, it is a real threat to any Gym Leader. Put your dick back in your pants. This is not appropriate. What would your family think if they saw you masturbating to Pokemon<\/delete> <\/insert>Pok\u00e9mon? What would your mom think<\/insert>? <\/p>\n

Bruxish<\/p>\n

\t(Picture of Bruxish)<\/p>\n

\tNo. No. No. We get it, Bruxish has big lips, and while big lips may be attractive on<\/insert>that might turn you on in<\/delete> humans,<\/insert> Bruxish is a fish. Do you masturbate to normal-looking fish? Is it the fact that these creatures are animals that turns<\/insert> you on? Or that they look cartoonish? Or is it <\/insert>it sort of <\/delete>the uncanny valley of Pok\u00e9mon pokemon <\/delete>being <\/delete>between animals and cartoons that gives you your jollies? Sick fuck.<\/p>\n

Bewear<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

\t(Picture of Bewear)<\/p>\n

\tYou are masturbating to a cartoon bear. Look at it; the guy just wants to give you a hug, and you are masturbating to it. If I could leak your information to every potential employer you will ever encounter<\/insert>accomplish<\/delete>, I would. The world becomes a better place when we can all look at carton bears together and <\/delete>DO<\/delete> <\/insert>NOT RUB ONE OUT. This is NOT hard. <\/p>\n

\tI\u2019m sorry. That was uncalled for. I just wanna play Pok\u00e9mon <\/delete>Pokemon<\/delete>, OK? I just wanna catch them all like the dream, and this is really hard to or me<\/delete><\/insert>watch<\/delete>watch<\/insert>. Can we please just enjoy a listicle on the new <\/insert>Pok\u00e9mon pokemon<\/delete>? This only comes every few years. And I get it, this guy looks stupid, but it still reminds me at least of a better time, when I was more youthful, and…innocent…and…lustful for life.<\/p>\n

Tsareena<\/p>\n

\t(Picture of Tsareena)<\/p>\n

\tNnnnngh\u2026.ooooh\u2026..Nnnnnnnngh\u2026.ngh..ngh.ngh oh oh oh oh oh. NNNNggghggHHHH<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By The Chicago Shady Dealer Gaming Committee Nov. 12, 2016 PokemonPok\u00e9mon Sun and Moon came out on November 18th, and we are head over heels in love with the new guys. Let\u2019s have some wholesome fun and look at the coolest new Pokke\u00e9pals! Please don\u2019t mMasturbate to this. Rowlet (Picture of Rowlet) This cute little owl is a grass and flying type Pok\u00e9monPok\u00e9monPokemon. While it looks cute, it can evolve into a super powerful bird Decidueye. Please, for God\u2019s sake, don\u2019t jack off to this. This game is for kids. Charjabug (Picture of Charjabug) Looks pretty innocent, but nope! Charjabug is a dangerous Pok\u00e9mon! n pokemon! With its ability to learn both bug and electric moves, it is a real threat to any Gym Leader. Put your dick back in your pants. This is not appropriate. What would your family think if they saw you masturbating to Pokemon Pok\u00e9mon? What would your mom think? Bruxish (Picture of Bruxish) No. No. No. We get it, Bruxish has big lips, and while big lips may be attractive onthat might turn you on in humans, Bruxish is a fish. Do you masturbate to normal-looking fish? Is it the fact that these creatures are animals that turns you on? Or that they look cartoonish? Or is it it sort of the uncanny valley of Pok\u00e9mon pokemon being between animals and cartoons that gives you your jollies? Sick fuck. Bewear (Picture of Bewear) You are masturbating to a cartoon bear. Look at it; the guy just wants to give you a hug, and you are masturbating to it. If I could leak your information to every potential employer you will ever encounteraccomplish, I would. The world becomes a better place when we can all look at carton bears together and DO NOT RUB ONE OUT. This is NOT hard. I\u2019m sorry. That was uncalled for. I just wanna play Pok\u00e9mon Pokemon, OK? I just wanna catch them all like the dream, and this is really hard to or mewatchwatch. Can we please just enjoy a listicle on the new Pok\u00e9mon pokemon? This only comes every few years. And I get it, this guy looks stupid, but it still reminds me at least of a better time, when I was more youthful, and…innocent…and…lustful for life. Tsareena (Picture of Tsareena) Nnnnngh\u2026.ooooh\u2026..Nnnnnnnngh\u2026.ngh..ngh.ngh oh oh oh oh oh. NNNNggghggHHHH<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1734","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1734","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1734"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1734\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2767,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1734\/revisions\/2767"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1734"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1734"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1734"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}