<\/p>\n
In a stunning announcement earlier this week, US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved a New Technology Application for the controversial \u201cFuckboy Cones\u201d patented by Merck & Co., according to a company news release. The opaque plastic cones, which fit snuggly around the neck, are designed to mitigate the uncontrollable sexual impulses of adult men ages 18-99 by preventing them from interacting with women in public places.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cHarassment of women has been a significant public health issue for years,\u201d explains Merck CEO Patricia Bennett, \u201cbut many of us at Merck were operating under the assumption that men were physically able to control their behavior and were simply choosing not to.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cImagine our surprise when men voluntarily admitted to us\u2014nay, insisted!\u2014that they \u2018literally couldn\u2019t control themselves\u2019 when faced with an attractive woman,\u201d she continued. \u201cWe were like, wait, seriously? That sounds really dangerous.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Merck researcher Dr. Lillian Brown offered similar sentiments. \u201cWe assumed that men could be held accountable for their actions like all civilized people,\u201d Dr. Brown explained to a <\/span>Dealer <\/span>representative<\/span>, \u201c<\/span>but extensive <\/span>in vivo<\/span> testing confirmed that this was not the case.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Critics complain that Fuckboy Cones will prevent male wearers from navigating their work environments without bumping into walls and that the devices will make it nearly impossible to drive. While Merck acknowledges these concerns, it defends the necessity of its product. \u201cGiven that our society values the safety and wellbeing of women, Fuckboy Cones are the only logical solution,\u201d Bennett explained solemnly. \u201cWe\u2019re doing our best to make them as comfortable and masculine as possible.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Although Fuckboy Cones are not currently approved for men younger than 18, Merck hopes to bring \u201cFuckboy Juniors\u201d suitable for chauvinists aged 13-17 to market by early 2025.<\/span><\/p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Morgan Pantuck Nov. 14, 2016 In a stunning announcement earlier this week, US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved a New Technology Application for the controversial \u201cFuckboy Cones\u201d patented by Merck & Co., according to a company news release. The opaque plastic cones, which fit snuggly around the neck, are designed to mitigate the uncontrollable sexual impulses of adult men ages 18-99 by preventing them from interacting with women in public places. \u201cHarassment of women has been a significant public health issue for years,\u201d explains Merck CEO Patricia Bennett, \u201cbut many of us at Merck were operating under the assumption that men were physically able to control their behavior and were simply choosing not to.\u201d \u201cImagine our surprise when men voluntarily admitted to us\u2014nay, insisted!\u2014that they \u2018literally couldn\u2019t control themselves\u2019 when faced with an attractive woman,\u201d she continued. \u201cWe were like, wait, seriously? That sounds really dangerous.\u201d Merck researcher Dr. Lillian Brown offered similar sentiments. \u201cWe assumed that men could be held accountable for their actions like all civilized people,\u201d Dr. Brown explained to a Dealer representative, \u201cbut extensive in vivo testing confirmed that this was not the case.\u201d Critics complain that Fuckboy Cones will prevent male wearers from navigating their work environments without bumping into walls and that the devices will make it nearly impossible to drive. While Merck acknowledges these concerns, it defends the necessity of its product. \u201cGiven that our society values the safety and wellbeing of women, Fuckboy Cones are the only logical solution,\u201d Bennett explained solemnly. \u201cWe\u2019re doing our best to make them as comfortable and masculine as possible.\u201d Although Fuckboy Cones are not currently approved for men younger than 18, Merck hopes to bring \u201cFuckboy Juniors\u201d suitable for chauvinists aged 13-17 to market by early 2025.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1727"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1727"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1727\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2760,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1727\/revisions\/2760"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1727"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1727"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1727"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}