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By Nik Varley Nov. 15, 2016 Student\u2019s in Professor Walden\u2019s History of Philosophy class were surprised to learn today that their visiting professor was in fact a swarm of locusts in a tweed suit. Professor Walden, a long term professor of ethics at Columbia University, successfully taught History of Philosophy 1 for ten weeks before his students realized that he was in fact a highly functional agglomeration of insects. \u201cWhen I saw the cloud of locusts burst from Professor Walden\u2019s tweed jacket, I couldn\u2019t believe what I was seeing\u201d said third year student Amy Brown. \u201cIt\u2019s like, one minute I\u2019m taking notes on the importance of David Hume, and the next I\u2019m being attacked by a huge cloud of angry bugs. It was fucked.\u201d Many of the students, when asked about their experience with Walden before he revealed himself to be a swarm of locusts, stated that \u201cthere were some pretty clear signs that something was wrong\u201d and that \u201cwe probably should\u2019ve picked up on this sooner\u201d. \u201cI honestly can\u2019t believe that none of us picked up on it sooner\u201d said visibly shocked second year Liam Gupta. \u201cI mean, the fact that his face looked like a seething mass of locusts was a pretty clear giveaway, but the class was at 9 a.m., so I guess I wasn\u2019t really paying too close attention.\u201d Third year Amanda Iverson echoed Gupta\u2019s sentiments. \u201cIn hindsight, the fact that his voice was the ceaseless drone of a thousand locusts buzzing in unison probably should have clued us in to what was going on. That being said, I think I speak for all of the philosophy majors when I say that Walden wasn\u2019t the most incomprehensible professor we\u2019ve ever had. Hell, his constant, unintelligible buzzing was still better than the shit I had to listen to in my Heidegger class last quarter.\u201d \u201cActually, all in all, I think that Walden was one of the better professors I\u2019ve had\u201d continued Iverson. He wasn\u2019t strict, he never took attendance and he usually graded our papers by devouring them. It was pretty nice while it lasted.\u201d At press time, the cloud of insects formerly known as Professor Walden were terrorizing Bartlett dining commons.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1719"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1719"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1719\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2752,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1719\/revisions\/2752"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1719"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1719"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1719"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}