{"id":1718,"date":"2013-03-16T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-03-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/35.224.237.165\/index.php\/2019\/02\/25\/study-confirms-youd-look-really-cool-cruising-around-on-that-longboard\/"},"modified":"2019-02-26T04:58:19","modified_gmt":"2019-02-25T21:58:19","slug":"study-confirms-youd-look-really-cool-cruising-around-on-that-longboard","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2013\/03\/16\/study-confirms-youd-look-really-cool-cruising-around-on-that-longboard\/","title":{"rendered":"Study Confirms You\u2019d Look Really Cool Cruising Around on that Longboard"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"<\/p>\n

By Nik Varley<\/a><\/h6>\n
Nov. 15, 2016<\/h6>\n<\/p>\n

Recent research conducted by scientists at the University of Chicago has confirmed that you would look really cool cruising around on a longboard. The researchers, whose work was recently published, told the Dealer <\/em>that you would look \u201csick\u201d, \u201cawesome\u201d and \u201cbasically chill as hell\u201d if you purchased and regularly rode a longboard around campus<\/insert>. <\/insert><\/p>\n

<\/insert><\/p>\n

\u201cEvery test we conducted indicated that you would look really fucking sick if you cruised around<\/delete> campus <\/delete>on a sweet-ass longboard\u201d said Professor Steinberg, who led the project. \u201cOur results also indicate that wearing a loose fitting beanie while riding your board would look pretty damn cool.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

<\/insert><\/p>\n

The study went on to demonstrate that predict<\/delete> that riding a<\/delete> longboard would increase your coolness by as much as 46%, while your chillness and general radness could see gains of as much as 12.5% and 37% respectively. The study also found that getting a longboard with \u201ca cool skull design on it or something\u201d could increase these figures considerably. <\/insert><\/p>\n

<\/insert><\/p>\n

\u201cThe results we published are honestly pretty conservative,\u201d said Steinberg. \u201cIf you picked up a longboard and started riding it everywhere<\/insert>cruising around campus<\/delete>, there\u2019s really no telling exactly how fucking awesome you would look. Hell, if you threw on a bored expression while you cruised around,<\/insert> the gains would be quite frankly incalculable.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

<\/insert><\/p>\n

Not all scientists have endorsed Steinberg\u2019s result. David Chen, another professor in the department of Cruising Studies was quick to point out the potential risks involved with you<\/delete> buying a longboard.<\/insert><\/p>\n

<\/insert><\/p>\n

\u201cI agree that if you bought a longboard, your coolness, chillness, radness and sickness would generally increase,\u201d said Chen. \u201cBut I think that Steinberg ignored the crucial Douchebag Factor while<\/insert>en<\/delete> conducting his research. Getting into longboarding could increase your douchiness to unacceptable levels, as much as 40-50% above where they are now. I mean, let\u2019s face it, your douchiness numbers are already pretty high to begin with; throwing a<\/insert>getting on a<\/delete> longboard into the mix <\/insert>could spell catastrophe for you.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

<\/insert><\/p>\n

The study concluded by strongly encouraging you to \u201cstart cruising as hard as you can as soon as you can\u201d and to \u201cstop wasting your time walking around on your two feet like some sort of lame-ass idiot.\u201d It\u2019s final sentence reads: \u201cGet out there on that longboard and finally become the chill motherfucker you were born to be.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Nik Varley Nov. 15, 2016 Recent research conducted by scientists at the University of Chicago has confirmed that you would look really cool cruising around on a longboard. The researchers, whose work was recently published, told the Dealer that you would look \u201csick\u201d, \u201cawesome\u201d and \u201cbasically chill as hell\u201d if you purchased and regularly rode a longboard around campus. \u201cEvery test we conducted indicated that you would look really fucking sick if you cruised around campus on a sweet-ass longboard\u201d said Professor Steinberg, who led the project. \u201cOur results also indicate that wearing a loose fitting beanie while riding your board would look pretty damn cool.\u201d The study went on to demonstrate that predict that riding a longboard would increase your coolness by as much as 46%, while your chillness and general radness could see gains of as much as 12.5% and 37% respectively. The study also found that getting a longboard with \u201ca cool skull design on it or something\u201d could increase these figures considerably. \u201cThe results we published are honestly pretty conservative,\u201d said Steinberg. \u201cIf you picked up a longboard and started riding it everywherecruising around campus, there\u2019s really no telling exactly how fucking awesome you would look. Hell, if you threw on a bored expression while you cruised around, the gains would be quite frankly incalculable.\u201d Not all scientists have endorsed Steinberg\u2019s result. David Chen, another professor in the department of Cruising Studies was quick to point out the potential risks involved with you buying a longboard. \u201cI agree that if you bought a longboard, your coolness, chillness, radness and sickness would generally increase,\u201d said Chen. \u201cBut I think that Steinberg ignored the crucial Douchebag Factor whileen conducting his research. Getting into longboarding could increase your douchiness to unacceptable levels, as much as 40-50% above where they are now. I mean, let\u2019s face it, your douchiness numbers are already pretty high to begin with; throwing agetting on a longboard into the mix could spell catastrophe for you.\u201d The study concluded by strongly encouraging you to \u201cstart cruising as hard as you can as soon as you can\u201d and to \u201cstop wasting your time walking around on your two feet like some sort of lame-ass idiot.\u201d It\u2019s final sentence reads: \u201cGet out there on that longboard and finally become the chill motherfucker you were born to be.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1718","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1718","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1718"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1718\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2751,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1718\/revisions\/2751"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1718"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1718"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1718"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}