{"id":1701,"date":"2013-03-16T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-03-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/35.224.237.165\/index.php\/2019\/02\/25\/how-to-avoid-eye-contact-with-students-trying-to-raise-money-for-causes-you-support\/"},"modified":"2019-02-26T04:58:15","modified_gmt":"2019-02-25T21:58:15","slug":"how-to-avoid-eye-contact-with-students-trying-to-raise-money-for-causes-you-support","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2013\/03\/16\/how-to-avoid-eye-contact-with-students-trying-to-raise-money-for-causes-you-support\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Avoid Eye-Contact with Students Trying to Raise Money for Causes You Support"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"<\/p>\n

By Antonia Salisbury<\/a><\/h6>\n
Dec. 29, 2016<\/h6>\n

How to Avoid Eye-Contact with Students Trying to Raise Money for Causes You Support<\/insert><\/delete> <\/insert><\/delete> Ever since Venmo ruined the \u201cSorry I Don\u2019t Carry Cash\u201d thing for everybody,<\/insert>–<\/delete><\/insert>,<\/delete> not donating to charities you support has gotten really tough. But you’re not an asshole. You\u2019re heart is in the right place \u2013 you even put your \u201cI voted!\u201d sticker on your Nalgene. So a<\/insert><\/insert>o<\/delete>vert your eyes, suppress your conscious, and let\u2019s get going.<\/insert><\/p>\n

1. You have personal business to attend to:<\/insert>.<\/delete><\/insert>:<\/delete> Boy oh boy,<\/insert> you are busy today. You wish you had time to stop and talk about women\u2019s rights,<\/insert> but jeez you’re all booked up. Look at your watch like you’ve got somewhere to be <\/insert>, <\/delete>and open up that stride. No time to waste!<\/insert><\/p>\n

2. There\u2019s something in your eye: We\u2019ve all been there. There\u2019s something in your eye and you are completely oblivious to everything around you. Negligence is the name and plausible deniability is the game. Where are you walking? What\u2019s Global Warming? \u2013 you don\u2019t know, you have something stuck in your eye.<\/insert><\/p>\n

3. Wear Birkenstocks:<\/insert>.<\/delete><\/insert>:<\/delete> If you haven\u2019t caught on to this one yet, you need to start picking up what the liberal media is putting down. Wearing Birkenstocks means never having to look anyone in the eye ever again. Keep your nose where it belongs:<\/insert>; <\/delete>up in the air while you munch on those sun dried kale chips. High and mighty never tasted so much like twigs.<\/insert><\/p>\n

4. Ask them<\/em> to sign up for Green Peace: Don\u2019t dish it if you can\u2019t take it, PETA. You think that you can make me feel bad about drinking milk and not sign up for my un-unsubscribable emailing list? Think again. How about you put down your VR slaughterhouse goggles and I\u2019ll put my clipboard-hands up where you can see them and we both back away slowly, ok?<\/insert><\/p>\n

5. FaceTime your parents: Right your wrongs with this simultaneously conscious-cleansing and eye-averting chore. While briskly pushing past outstretched flyers, loudly thank your parents for paying your tuition, forwarding your mail, and, most importantly, conceiving you. Don’t want to chat with the \u2018rents today? This also works in reverse. Let them know your a little preoccupied saving the rain forest and making full-on eye contact with a new friend.<\/insert><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Antonia Salisbury Dec. 29, 2016 How to Avoid Eye-Contact with Students Trying to Raise Money for Causes You Support Ever since Venmo ruined the \u201cSorry I Don\u2019t Carry Cash\u201d thing for everybody,–, not donating to charities you support has gotten really tough. But you’re not an asshole. You\u2019re heart is in the right place \u2013 you even put your \u201cI voted!\u201d sticker on your Nalgene. So aovert your eyes, suppress your conscious, and let\u2019s get going. 1. You have personal business to attend to:.: Boy oh boy, you are busy today. You wish you had time to stop and talk about women\u2019s rights, but jeez you’re all booked up. Look at your watch like you’ve got somewhere to be , and open up that stride. No time to waste! 2. There\u2019s something in your eye: We\u2019ve all been there. There\u2019s something in your eye and you are completely oblivious to everything around you. Negligence is the name and plausible deniability is the game. Where are you walking? What\u2019s Global Warming? \u2013 you don\u2019t know, you have something stuck in your eye. 3. Wear Birkenstocks:.: If you haven\u2019t caught on to this one yet, you need to start picking up what the liberal media is putting down. Wearing Birkenstocks means never having to look anyone in the eye ever again. Keep your nose where it belongs:; up in the air while you munch on those sun dried kale chips. High and mighty never tasted so much like twigs. 4. Ask them to sign up for Green Peace: Don\u2019t dish it if you can\u2019t take it, PETA. You think that you can make me feel bad about drinking milk and not sign up for my un-unsubscribable emailing list? Think again. How about you put down your VR slaughterhouse goggles and I\u2019ll put my clipboard-hands up where you can see them and we both back away slowly, ok? 5. FaceTime your parents: Right your wrongs with this simultaneously conscious-cleansing and eye-averting chore. While briskly pushing past outstretched flyers, loudly thank your parents for paying your tuition, forwarding your mail, and, most importantly, conceiving you. Don’t want to chat with the \u2018rents today? This also works in reverse. Let them know your a little preoccupied saving the rain forest and making full-on eye contact with a new friend.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1701","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1701","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1701"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1701\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2734,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1701\/revisions\/2734"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1701"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1701"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1701"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}