{"id":1668,"date":"2013-03-16T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-03-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/35.224.237.165\/index.php\/2019\/02\/25\/god-inspired-to-create-human-race-by-jumanji-book-not-movie\/"},"modified":"2019-02-26T04:58:08","modified_gmt":"2019-02-25T21:58:08","slug":"god-inspired-to-create-human-race-by-jumanji-book-not-movie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2013\/03\/16\/god-inspired-to-create-human-race-by-jumanji-book-not-movie\/","title":{"rendered":"God Inspired to Create Human Race by Jumanji Book, Not Movie"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"<\/p>\n

By Antonia Salisbury, 3760 B.C.E.<\/a><\/h6>\n
Feb. 2, 2017<\/h6>\n

On the sixth day, God\u2019s mom read him Jumanji<\/i> by Chris Van Allsburg – and from this fever dream of a children\u2019s book, Adam\u2019s image was born. <\/insert><\/p>\n

But the day before, when God<\/insert>he<\/delete> was busy with the animals and other fifth-day stuff, God\u2019s shitty uncle was babysitting and let him watch the rendition of Jumanji<\/i> that has a 6.9 on IMDb. Robin Williams\u2019 portrayal of Alan Parrish was, well, let\u2019s call it underwhelming. Don\u2019t shoot the messenger;<\/insert>,<\/delete> I know everybody\u2019s gotta love Robin Williams. It just wasn\u2019t how the big guy upstairs imagined it. He wanted more oomph<\/em> and less zip<\/em>. A more rounded character, that\u2019s all. <\/insert><\/p>\n

A lot stuff goes down in those 104 minutes. A<\/insert>And, a<\/delete>fter a mindfuck like that, it can be hard to come up with your own material. So maybe God plagiarized a few jungle animals here and there, but look at the bright side; us humans look pretty good relative to some of the stuff born out of his Jumanji<\/i> writer\u2019s block. I know I\u2019m not the only one who feels better<\/insert> about myself when I come across planaria and bird-eating spiders.<\/insert><\/p>\n

Take that, evolution.<\/insert><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Antonia Salisbury, 3760 B.C.E. Feb. 2, 2017 On the sixth day, God\u2019s mom read him Jumanji by Chris Van Allsburg – and from this fever dream of a children\u2019s book, Adam\u2019s image was born. But the day before, when Godhe was busy with the animals and other fifth-day stuff, God\u2019s shitty uncle was babysitting and let him watch the rendition of Jumanji that has a 6.9 on IMDb. Robin Williams\u2019 portrayal of Alan Parrish was, well, let\u2019s call it underwhelming. Don\u2019t shoot the messenger;, I know everybody\u2019s gotta love Robin Williams. It just wasn\u2019t how the big guy upstairs imagined it. He wanted more oomph and less zip. A more rounded character, that\u2019s all. A lot stuff goes down in those 104 minutes. AAnd, after a mindfuck like that, it can be hard to come up with your own material. So maybe God plagiarized a few jungle animals here and there, but look at the bright side; us humans look pretty good relative to some of the stuff born out of his Jumanji writer\u2019s block. I know I\u2019m not the only one who feels better about myself when I come across planaria and bird-eating spiders. Take that, evolution.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1668","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1668","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1668"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1668\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2701,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1668\/revisions\/2701"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1668"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1668"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1668"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}