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By Marlin Figgins Feb. 6, 2017 President Abraham Lincoln was shot and killed today during a production of \u201cThe Rocky Horror Picture Show\u201d. The assassin\u2019s motives are, as of now, unknown, but he is noted as shouting \u201cTHE GAYS\u201d. The law enforcement on the scene believe that this information is completely unrelated to the assassination itself. The president\u2019s former opponent, Stephen A. Douglas is noted as saying, \u201cPresident Lincoln was totally not gay. I swear. Very not gay. Totally wasn\u2019t. He was a manly man with those strong arms of his. Totally not gay though.\u201d The main suspect in the murder, John Wilkes Booth, was apprehended shortly after the assassination attempt standing outside the theater. In a press conference after the attempt of president Lincoln\u2019s life, former Vice-President, now President Johnson dispelled any rumors regarding President Lincoln\u2019s reasons for being at the theater that night, \u201cThe assassin was obviously upset by President Lincoln\u2019s civil war; it has nothing to do with that.\u201d The \u201cthat\u201d that president Johnson was referring to is still unidentified, but many believe it to be the latest edition of the Gay Agenda. This is obviously impossible because President Lincoln, obviously, wasn\u2019t gay. President Johnson\u2019s press conference was soon overshadowed by an announcement from the gays, revealing both the release day and the authors of this year\u2019s addition of the Gay Agenda. President Lincoln\u2019s name was listed first among the authors, which is admirable considering he was straight-y straight straight, not gay. It is undeniable fact that President Lincoln helped to draft the gay agenda, but in doing so, he has shown his indomitable moral character. President Lincoln will be remembered for his great contributions to both the blacks and the gays, even though his enemies will try and say he was one of them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1660"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1660"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1660\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2693,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1660\/revisions\/2693"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1660"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1660"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1660"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}