{"id":1610,"date":"2013-03-16T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-03-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/35.224.237.165\/index.php\/2019\/02\/25\/north-korea-cant-launch-missiles-but-you-cant-even-pull-a-b-minus-in-sosc\/"},"modified":"2019-02-26T04:57:57","modified_gmt":"2019-02-25T21:57:57","slug":"north-korea-cant-launch-missiles-but-you-cant-even-pull-a-b-minus-in-sosc","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2013\/03\/16\/north-korea-cant-launch-missiles-but-you-cant-even-pull-a-b-minus-in-sosc\/","title":{"rendered":"North Korea Can\u2019t Launch Missiles, But You Can\u2019t Even Pull a B-Minus In SOSC"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"<\/p>\n

By Nik Varley<\/a><\/h6>\n
April 20, 2017<\/h6>\n

North Korea Can\u2019t Launch Missiles, But You Can\u2019t Even Pull a B-Minus In SOSC<\/insert><\/delete> <\/insert><\/delete>Following North Korea\u2019s disastrous missile launch last week, experts have agreed that the country does not have the capabilities <\/delete><\/insert>ability<\/delete> to launch i<\/insert>I<\/delete>ntercontinental b<\/insert>B<\/delete>allistic m<\/insert>M<\/delete>issiles, and also that you can\u2019t pull a fucking B- in your SOSC class. Analysts concluded<\/insert>agreed<\/delete> that the international community should not fear the prospect of a North Korean missile strike, but added that you should fear for your GPA, as well as for <\/insert>your chances of landing a halfway <\/insert>–<\/delete><\/insert> <\/delete>decent internship.<\/insert><\/p>\n

<\/insert><\/p>\n

\u201cNorth Korea has made some very bold claims about its nuclear capabilities in recent months, but the truth is, they\u2019re a long, long way from creating functional,<\/delete> long–<\/insert> <\/delete>range warheads\u201d said Foreign Affairs Analyst Lisa Lee. \u201cYou, on the other hand, are really <\/em>close to failing SOSC, and you\u2019re definitely not going to crack a C+ unless you start turning your essays in on time.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

<\/insert><\/p>\n

However, not all analysts are as optimistic as Lee; many cited the country\u2019s recent switch from liquid to solid rocket fuel as a serious step forward for the country\u2019s nuclear program. They argue that, unlike your SOSC performance, North Korea\u2019s military technology<\/insert>capabilities<\/delete> has<\/insert>ve<\/delete> been steadily improving and could potentially lead to a major achievement.<\/insert><\/p>\n

<\/insert><\/p>\n

\u201cYou have to give North Korea<\/insert>the North Koreans<\/delete> some credit. Creating an intercontinental nuclear missile is hard \u2013 a hell of a lot harder than your Mind class, which isn\u2019t even one of the hard SOSC courses\u201d said South Korean Foreign Affairs Minister Yun Byung-se. \u201cNow, granted, this particular launch was a huge failure,<\/insert>;<\/delete> probably a failure on par with the time you begged your professor for an extension and then turned in a paper that was three pages shorter than the minimum. That being said, they\u2019re motivated, they’re<\/delete>e<\/insert>ir<\/delete> committed, and they\u2019re getting better. As scary as this is, we\u2019ve all agreed that it\u2019s an attitude you could learn a lot from. If they can create weapons that threaten the stability of the world, you can do your damn Rousseau reading for once in your life.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

<\/insert><\/p>\n

Secretary of State Tillerson disagreed, sharing Lee\u2019s more optimistic <\/delete>outlook. When reached for comment, he stated,<\/insert> \u201cWith all respect, North Korea\u2019s missile program is a lot closer to your SOSC performance than Minister Byung-Se is implying. Yes, there have been a few minor successes, but by and large it\u2019s been one devastating failure after another, much like the written assignments you\u2019ve turned in since Fall Quarter. Their missiles have been sputtering for years, just as you sputter impotently in class when called on, having clearly skipped the reading.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

<\/insert><\/p>\n

\u201cLook, I don\u2019t mean to come off as na\u00efve or unrealistic,<\/insert>\u201d concluded Lee. \u201cAnything is possible; North Korea could become a major nuclear power, and you could somehow pull a good Freud paper out of your ass and walk out of this train wreck with a B+. That being said, it would take some pretty strong evidence to convince me that you and the North Korean military are not complete fuckups.\u201d<\/insert><\/p>\n

<\/insert><\/p>\n

At press time, both you and North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un announced plans to \u201cjust take the night off and chill a bit\u201d, confidently assuring associates that you could do your assignments later.<\/insert><\/insert><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Nik Varley April 20, 2017 North Korea Can\u2019t Launch Missiles, But You Can\u2019t Even Pull a B-Minus In SOSC Following North Korea\u2019s disastrous missile launch last week, experts have agreed that the country does not have the capabilities ability to launch iIntercontinental bBallistic mMissiles, and also that you can\u2019t pull a fucking B- in your SOSC class. Analysts concludedagreed that the international community should not fear the prospect of a North Korean missile strike, but added that you should fear for your GPA, as well as for your chances of landing a halfway – decent internship. \u201cNorth Korea has made some very bold claims about its nuclear capabilities in recent months, but the truth is, they\u2019re a long, long way from creating functional, long– range warheads\u201d said Foreign Affairs Analyst Lisa Lee. \u201cYou, on the other hand, are really close to failing SOSC, and you\u2019re definitely not going to crack a C+ unless you start turning your essays in on time.\u201d However, not all analysts are as optimistic as Lee; many cited the country\u2019s recent switch from liquid to solid rocket fuel as a serious step forward for the country\u2019s nuclear program. They argue that, unlike your SOSC performance, North Korea\u2019s military technologycapabilities hasve been steadily improving and could potentially lead to a major achievement. \u201cYou have to give North Koreathe North Koreans some credit. Creating an intercontinental nuclear missile is hard \u2013 a hell of a lot harder than your Mind class, which isn\u2019t even one of the hard SOSC courses\u201d said South Korean Foreign Affairs Minister Yun Byung-se. \u201cNow, granted, this particular launch was a huge failure,; probably a failure on par with the time you begged your professor for an extension and then turned in a paper that was three pages shorter than the minimum. That being said, they\u2019re motivated, they’reeir committed, and they\u2019re getting better. As scary as this is, we\u2019ve all agreed that it\u2019s an attitude you could learn a lot from. If they can create weapons that threaten the stability of the world, you can do your damn Rousseau reading for once in your life.\u201d Secretary of State Tillerson disagreed, sharing Lee\u2019s more optimistic outlook. When reached for comment, he stated, \u201cWith all respect, North Korea\u2019s missile program is a lot closer to your SOSC performance than Minister Byung-Se is implying. Yes, there have been a few minor successes, but by and large it\u2019s been one devastating failure after another, much like the written assignments you\u2019ve turned in since Fall Quarter. Their missiles have been sputtering for years, just as you sputter impotently in class when called on, having clearly skipped the reading.\u201d \u201cLook, I don\u2019t mean to come off as na\u00efve or unrealistic,\u201d concluded Lee. \u201cAnything is possible; North Korea could become a major nuclear power, and you could somehow pull a good Freud paper out of your ass and walk out of this train wreck with a B+. That being said, it would take some pretty strong evidence to convince me that you and the North Korean military are not complete fuckups.\u201d At press time, both you and North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un announced plans to \u201cjust take the night off and chill a bit\u201d, confidently assuring associates that you could do your assignments later.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1610"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1610"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1610\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2643,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1610\/revisions\/2643"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1610"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1610"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1610"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}