<\/p>\n
Area woman Tricia Meyers became the unfortunate victim of a resource shortage when her supply of AA batteries fell below three. Meyers, 27, had just sat down to a relaxing evening of reality television, microwave popcorn, and masturbation when the crisis occurred.<\/p>\n
Meyers was visibly distraught when asked for comment. \u201cI reached for the remote to watch Real Housewives<\/em> on DVR and the television just wouldn\u2019t turn on! I realized the batteries must have died. At first, I thought it was no biggie, I could just swap the dead batteries out for the ones in my vibrator.\u201d When Meyers retrieved the vibrator from her bedside table, however, she remembered she had already removed those batteries for use in her fire alarm.<\/p>\n \u201cAt first I thought I could just get some batteries from Amazon Prime Now,\u201d Meyers explained. When she realized she was seven minutes outside the delivery window, panic set in. \u201cI thought about ordering a pizza and begging the delivery guy to pick up some Duracells at the CVS down the street. But then I remembered I didn\u2019t have enough in my bank account for pizza, tip, and batteries. UGH!\u201d<\/p>\n For Meyers, going to the CVS herself was unthinkable. \u201cFirst of all, I had no clue where I threw my bra after getting home from work. Secondly, I\u2019d just applied a super painful Korean facemask and it needed to dry for twenty minutes.\u201d Meyers was trapped, and most importantly, her evening was ruined. \u201cWhat was I supposed to do? Get up to change the television and use my hands get the job done like a fucking Fifties housewife?\u201d<\/p>\n As of press time, Meyers still had not bought replacement batteries and was switching her remaining three AAs between the remote and vibrator at fifteen-minute intervals.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Breck Radulovic Oct. 17, 2017 Area woman Tricia Meyers became the unfortunate victim of a resource shortage when her supply of AA batteries fell below three. Meyers, 27, had just sat down to a relaxing evening of reality television, microwave popcorn, and masturbation when the crisis occurred. Meyers was visibly distraught when asked for comment. \u201cI reached for the remote to watch Real Housewives on DVR and the television just wouldn\u2019t turn on! I realized the batteries must have died. At first, I thought it was no biggie, I could just swap the dead batteries out for the ones in my vibrator.\u201d When Meyers retrieved the vibrator from her bedside table, however, she remembered she had already removed those batteries for use in her fire alarm. \u201cAt first I thought I could just get some batteries from Amazon Prime Now,\u201d Meyers explained. When she realized she was seven minutes outside the delivery window, panic set in. \u201cI thought about ordering a pizza and begging the delivery guy to pick up some Duracells at the CVS down the street. But then I remembered I didn\u2019t have enough in my bank account for pizza, tip, and batteries. UGH!\u201d For Meyers, going to the CVS herself was unthinkable. \u201cFirst of all, I had no clue where I threw my bra after getting home from work. Secondly, I\u2019d just applied a super painful Korean facemask and it needed to dry for twenty minutes.\u201d Meyers was trapped, and most importantly, her evening was ruined. \u201cWhat was I supposed to do? Get up to change the television and use my hands get the job done like a fucking Fifties housewife?\u201d As of press time, Meyers still had not bought replacement batteries and was switching her remaining three AAs between the remote and vibrator at fifteen-minute intervals.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1558","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lifestyle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1558","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1558"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1558\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2591,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1558\/revisions\/2591"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1558"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1558"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1558"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}