<\/p>\n
2. The wretched amalgam of metal and wires in the corner: The day you moved in, you saw that your closet was almost entirely obstructed by a softly pulsing mass of wires and chunks of precision-cut steel. Your roommate insists it\u2019s a humidifier, but, frankly, you just aren\u2019t seeing it. If it actually was a humidifier, you still wouldn\u2019t see it, being buried under layers upon layers of wires as it is.<\/p>\n 3. The Dripping Device: It drips. Day in and day out, the small cylinder drips.You leave the room and its watery echo follows you. You were going to plug in your desk lamp when your roommate stopped you with a hard glare. \u201cNo,\u201d they spoke in a grave monotone, \u201cIt Must Drip.\u201d No worries, they let you set up those sweet fairy lights over your desk, although it\u2019s kind of annoying having to run an extension cord between your room and the lounge to power them.<\/p>\n 4. The \u201cMicron-Waiver\u201d: Honestly, it might just be a microwave. But your roommate doesn\u2019t like it when you touch it, and considering the rest of the weird shit lying around, it\u2019s anybody\u2019s guess what it does.<\/p>\n 5. Sex Thing(?): It\u2019s literally in the middle of the goddamn floor, and you feel pretty sketchy about the giant tapered cylinder practically staring you in the face. You ha-oh god, you just noticed that it\u2019s full<\/em> of holes<\/em> and they\u2019re sticky<\/em>. What the FUCK. As I was saying, you hate it, and you hate how it always buzzes at you when you walk too close. You haven\u2019t broached the subject yet, and it\u2019s starting to feel like it\u2019s been long enough that bringing it up now is probably more awkward than it was a month ago.<\/p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Thomas Noriega Oct. 17, 2017 5 Things your roommate plugged into the wall that you just don\u2019t understandBy Thomas Noriega1. The Glow-Box: During the day, it\u2019s just another box plugged into your shared surge protector, but at night, it radiates an eerie blue glow directly into your eyes. You haven\u2019t slept in your room in weeks, as wherever you turn your head, its luminescent gaze unerringly follows. You\u2019ve been sleeping in Harper for so long, so very long. Your comfy blanket and covers await you in your room, but so does the Glow-Box. 2. The wretched amalgam of metal and wires in the corner: The day you moved in, you saw that your closet was almost entirely obstructed by a softly pulsing mass of wires and chunks of precision-cut steel. Your roommate insists it\u2019s a humidifier, but, frankly, you just aren\u2019t seeing it. If it actually was a humidifier, you still wouldn\u2019t see it, being buried under layers upon layers of wires as it is. 3. The Dripping Device: It drips. Day in and day out, the small cylinder drips.You leave the room and its watery echo follows you. You were going to plug in your desk lamp when your roommate stopped you with a hard glare. \u201cNo,\u201d they spoke in a grave monotone, \u201cIt Must Drip.\u201d No worries, they let you set up those sweet fairy lights over your desk, although it\u2019s kind of annoying having to run an extension cord between your room and the lounge to power them. 4. The \u201cMicron-Waiver\u201d: Honestly, it might just be a microwave. But your roommate doesn\u2019t like it when you touch it, and considering the rest of the weird shit lying around, it\u2019s anybody\u2019s guess what it does. 5. Sex Thing(?): It\u2019s literally in the middle of the goddamn floor, and you feel pretty sketchy about the giant tapered cylinder practically staring you in the face. You ha-oh god, you just noticed that it\u2019s full of holes and they\u2019re sticky. What the FUCK. As I was saying, you hate it, and you hate how it always buzzes at you when you walk too close. You haven\u2019t broached the subject yet, and it\u2019s starting to feel like it\u2019s been long enough that bringing it up now is probably more awkward than it was a month ago.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1557","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1557","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1557"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1557\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2590,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1557\/revisions\/2590"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1557"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1557"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1557"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}