<\/p>\n
4 Drawers Your Parents Definitely Shouldn’t Open This Family Weekend<\/span><\/p>\n 1. The bottom drawer of your dresser<\/span><\/p>\n Shit \u2014 this is where you keep most of the stuff you don\u2019t want your parents to find. Your booze, sexual conquest ledger, four-year supply of bath salts. Still, if your financially conservative parents saw it, they\u2019d probably eventually. \u201cNow, now honey,\u201d your mother would say to you. \u201cOur little baby is growing up. Experimenting is natural. Just make sure you don\u2019t give up on that good Chicago School economic conservatism.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n 2. The top drawer of your desk<\/span><\/p>\n This is the drawer you\u2019ve always been thankful to have. It\u2019s convenient, has plenty of space, and is close enough to your bed that you can get a condom out of it when you need to without throwing off the flow of things. I bet you\u2019d be totally shocked if the first thing your bible-belt conservative parents did when they came into your room was to walk over here and look inside it for a pen. Uh-oh!<\/span><\/p>\n 3. The bottom drawer of the storage unit you keep under your bed<\/span><\/p>\n Condoms may have merited harsh retribution, but that\u2019s nothing compared to how your parents are going to react when they open this drawer looking for cleaning supplies and find something far worse: your SOSC readings! What\u2019s this? \u201cThe Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism?\u201d That sounds like it could challenge both of those things! And what could be right underneath it but \u2014 \u201cSon, why are you reading Marx? Honey I told you the liberal school system would corrupt him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n 4. The middle drawer of your dresser<\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/span>Oh yes \u2014 just above the bottom dresser drawer lurks something worse. You filthy person, this is where you keep your <\/span><\/p>\n BONUS: Your closet<\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/span>That\u2019s right, the last drawer isn\u2019t even a drawer at all. Your Bostonian, Puritan parents definitely still shouldn\u2019t look inside, though. Dresses that end above the ankle? A rolled-up poster for non-Christian rock? Dirty socks outside your laundry basket? You\u2019re fucked, kiddo.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/span><\/insert><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Zakir Jamal Oct. 17, 2017 4 Drawers Your Parents Definitely Shouldn’t Open This Family Weekend 1. The bottom drawer of your dresser Shit \u2014 this is where you keep most of the stuff you don\u2019t want your parents to find. Your booze, sexual conquest ledger, four-year supply of bath salts. Still, if your financially conservative parents saw it, they\u2019d probably eventually. \u201cNow, now honey,\u201d your mother would say to you. \u201cOur little baby is growing up. Experimenting is natural. Just make sure you don\u2019t give up on that good Chicago School economic conservatism.\u201d 2. The top drawer of your desk This is the drawer you\u2019ve always been thankful to have. It\u2019s convenient, has plenty of space, and is close enough to your bed that you can get a condom out of it when you need to without throwing off the flow of things. I bet you\u2019d be totally shocked if the first thing your bible-belt conservative parents did when they came into your room was to walk over here and look inside it for a pen. Uh-oh! 3. The bottom drawer of the storage unit you keep under your bed Condoms may have merited harsh retribution, but that\u2019s nothing compared to how your parents are going to react when they open this drawer looking for cleaning supplies and find something far worse: your SOSC readings! What\u2019s this? \u201cThe Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism?\u201d That sounds like it could challenge both of those things! And what could be right underneath it but \u2014 \u201cSon, why are you reading Marx? Honey I told you the liberal school system would corrupt him.\u201d 4. The middle drawer of your dresser Oh yes \u2014 just above the bottom dresser drawer lurks something worse. You filthy person, this is where you keep your BONUS: Your closet That\u2019s right, the last drawer isn\u2019t even a drawer at all. Your Bostonian, Puritan parents definitely still shouldn\u2019t look inside, though. Dresses that end above the ankle? A rolled-up poster for non-Christian rock? Dirty socks outside your laundry basket? You\u2019re fucked, kiddo.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1556","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1556","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1556"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1556\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2589,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1556\/revisions\/2589"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1556"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1556"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1556"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}