<\/p>\n
As you may or may not have noticed, the University of Chicago possesses a veritable fleet of campus golf carts, but they seem to only be available to the College Programming Office and the “people” who “work” there. Additionally, they are only ever seen during O-Week, Parents Weekend, Graduation, and the CPO’s other stunt holidays.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
If you’ve ever seen a calendar before, you’ll notice these events are localized to early fall and one week of June only. For the rest of year, who knows what the College Programming Office is up to? One can only imagine they are riding, hanging out on, sleeping on, kissing, and marrying their golf carts. I propose that the University make these elusive golf carts available to the student body, so that everyone on campus can have the opportunity to touch them.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Imagine this: you\u2019re walking to class, and you\u2019re running a little late. Wouldn\u2019t it be nice to hop in a golf cart, twist that key in the ignition, and ZOOM straight through the walls of Harper? I think it would certainly be preferable to the 172.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
As someone who\u2019s had the privilege of driving on a golf course before, I can say that driving a golf cart is the most powerful feeling in the world. Nothing makes me feel more confident, competent, intelligent, capable, and horny. I think it\u2019s wrong that one little office has the keys to all the golf carts, and the rest of us students are barred from even going near them.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
It\u2019s shocking to me that we, as students, can check out library books, camera equipment, and even 3D printers, but somehow sitting in a golf cart and flooring it across the Midway is \u201cnot allowed\u201d and \u201can offense deserving of expulsion.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
When polled, students gave several creative and innovative ideas for what they would do with permission to use the golf carts. The number one answer, coming in at 85%, was \u201ctricks.\u201d I don’t know about you, but I’m sure that the tricks our students will come up with be will more than enough to defend UChicago’s quirky, uncommon reputation, thereby attracting tons of new (and preferably wealthy) applicants to the school. Another 5% said they would like to \u201cbump people in a friendly way,\u201d 3% said they would \u201chelp plow the snow in winter,\u201d and 12% said they\u2019d \u201cdrive for Uber.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
All of these ideas are productive, intellectually engaging, and extremely physically stimulating. All golf cart authority is concentrated in the CPO, and that just doesn\u2019t seem right in 2018. I live in fear that one night, when I\u2019m walking home from innocently studying, a crazed College Programming Officer will ram into me at a speedy 15 MPH out of sheer rage, spite, and hunger for absolute control.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
I dream of a world where one can simply roll out of bed, sit on some cold hard pleather (no seatbelts), and book it anywhere they wanna go across this fine city. I cannot rest until every student has been issued their own personal golf cart. If Pacific Coast Academy can afford to offer each student a Jet-X, I think the University of Chicago can pull through with a couple thousand golf carts. Also, I think they should let me attend classes again. <\/p>\n
You can sign my petition at change.org\/FreeRidesForAll<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Milena Prosss Feb. 25, 2018 As you may or may not have noticed, the University of Chicago possesses a veritable fleet of campus golf carts, but they seem to only be available to the College Programming Office and the “people” who “work” there. Additionally, they are only ever seen during O-Week, Parents Weekend, Graduation, and the CPO’s other stunt holidays.\u00a0 \u00a0 If you’ve ever seen a calendar before, you’ll notice these events are localized to early fall and one week of June only. For the rest of year, who knows what the College Programming Office is up to? One can only imagine they are riding, hanging out on, sleeping on, kissing, and marrying their golf carts. I propose that the University make these elusive golf carts available to the student body, so that everyone on campus can have the opportunity to touch them. \u00a0 Imagine this: you\u2019re walking to class, and you\u2019re running a little late. Wouldn\u2019t it be nice to hop in a golf cart, twist that key in the ignition, and ZOOM straight through the walls of Harper? I think it would certainly be preferable to the 172. \u00a0 As someone who\u2019s had the privilege of driving on a golf course before, I can say that driving a golf cart is the most powerful feeling in the world. Nothing makes me feel more confident, competent, intelligent, capable, and horny. I think it\u2019s wrong that one little office has the keys to all the golf carts, and the rest of us students are barred from even going near them. \u00a0 It\u2019s shocking to me that we, as students, can check out library books, camera equipment, and even 3D printers, but somehow sitting in a golf cart and flooring it across the Midway is \u201cnot allowed\u201d and \u201can offense deserving of expulsion.\u201d \u00a0 When polled, students gave several creative and innovative ideas for what they would do with permission to use the golf carts. The number one answer, coming in at 85%, was \u201ctricks.\u201d I don’t know about you, but I’m sure that the tricks our students will come up with be will more than enough to defend UChicago’s quirky, uncommon reputation, thereby attracting tons of new (and preferably wealthy) applicants to the school. Another 5% said they would like to \u201cbump people in a friendly way,\u201d 3% said they would \u201chelp plow the snow in winter,\u201d and 12% said they\u2019d \u201cdrive for Uber.\u201d \u00a0 All of these ideas are productive, intellectually engaging, and extremely physically stimulating. All golf cart authority is concentrated in the CPO, and that just doesn\u2019t seem right in 2018. I live in fear that one night, when I\u2019m walking home from innocently studying, a crazed College Programming Officer will ram into me at a speedy 15 MPH out of sheer rage, spite, and hunger for absolute control. \u00a0 I dream of a world where one can simply roll out of bed, sit on some cold hard pleather (no seatbelts), and book it anywhere they wanna go across this fine city. I cannot rest until every student has been issued their own personal golf cart. If Pacific Coast Academy can afford to offer each student a Jet-X, I think the University of Chicago can pull through with a couple thousand golf carts. Also, I think they should let me attend classes again. You can sign my petition at change.org\/FreeRidesForAll<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1500","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1500","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1500"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1500\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2533,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1500\/revisions\/2533"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1500"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1500"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1500"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}