<\/p>\n
Terra, 3708<\/p>\n
Following the Council Of the Wise\u2019s decision to introduce evolution into breeding pod\u00a0curriculum, the Association of Giant Tentacle Monsters has formally announced their\u00a0refusal to acknowledge evolution as a fact, especially in regard to humans.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u201cI can\u2019t\u00a0accept that we evolved from those stupid hominids. They have only two tentacles! They\u00a0aren\u2019t even purple!\u201d said Association Vanguard Ch\u2019Turggah while violently shaking their\u00a03 heads in unison. \u201cI simply cannot believe that our race has any genetics in common\u00a0with creatures who can\u2019t calculate space-time equations in any of their heads.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe Association of Giant Tentacle Monsters needs to understand that evolution exists\u00a0and creates new species through promoting advantageous features like laser vision and\u00a0tentacles with suction cups, while discarding disadvantageous features such as the\u00a0appendix and gender,\u201d countered Wise Chairman Xel\u2019Torath while running a tentacle through their\u00a0beard on each of their three heads.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cJust because humans are not extinct does not\u00a0mean evolution is false. We simply branched out into different paths of evolution, with\u00a0humans developing strong legs to traverse the world and us tentacle monsters\u00a0developing tentacles to voyage through the murky darkness of the Eternal Abyss.\u201d\u00a0Xel\u2019Torath proceeded to show fossils of ancient humans that contained mini-tentacles at\u00a0the end of each arm, which they believe are a precursor to the tentacle monsters of\u00a0today.<\/p>\n
The official stance of the Association of Giant Tentacle monsters is that the false theory\u00a0of evolution will soil the minds of our broodspawn and lead to moral degradation. The\u00a0Tentacle Pope also vouched against evolution, on the grounds that God created\u00a0tentacle monsters in the image of Themself. The Tentacle Pope\u2019s proclamation may very\u00a0well sway the Council of the Wise, as over 89% of tentacle monsters are devout Roman\u00a0Catholics.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Ryan Fleishman May 5, 2018 Terra, 3708 Following the Council Of the Wise\u2019s decision to introduce evolution into breeding pod\u00a0curriculum, the Association of Giant Tentacle Monsters has formally announced their\u00a0refusal to acknowledge evolution as a fact, especially in regard to humans. \u00a0\u201cI can\u2019t\u00a0accept that we evolved from those stupid hominids. They have only two tentacles! They\u00a0aren\u2019t even purple!\u201d said Association Vanguard Ch\u2019Turggah while violently shaking their\u00a03 heads in unison. \u201cI simply cannot believe that our race has any genetics in common\u00a0with creatures who can\u2019t calculate space-time equations in any of their heads.\u201d \u201cThe Association of Giant Tentacle Monsters needs to understand that evolution exists\u00a0and creates new species through promoting advantageous features like laser vision and\u00a0tentacles with suction cups, while discarding disadvantageous features such as the\u00a0appendix and gender,\u201d countered Wise Chairman Xel\u2019Torath while running a tentacle through their\u00a0beard on each of their three heads.\u00a0 \u201cJust because humans are not extinct does not\u00a0mean evolution is false. We simply branched out into different paths of evolution, with\u00a0humans developing strong legs to traverse the world and us tentacle monsters\u00a0developing tentacles to voyage through the murky darkness of the Eternal Abyss.\u201d\u00a0Xel\u2019Torath proceeded to show fossils of ancient humans that contained mini-tentacles at\u00a0the end of each arm, which they believe are a precursor to the tentacle monsters of\u00a0today. The official stance of the Association of Giant Tentacle monsters is that the false theory\u00a0of evolution will soil the minds of our broodspawn and lead to moral degradation. The\u00a0Tentacle Pope also vouched against evolution, on the grounds that God created\u00a0tentacle monsters in the image of Themself. The Tentacle Pope\u2019s proclamation may very\u00a0well sway the Council of the Wise, as over 89% of tentacle monsters are devout Roman\u00a0Catholics.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1475","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1475","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1475"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1475\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2508,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1475\/revisions\/2508"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1475"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1475"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1475"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}